I know.  I know.  Don’t punch down.  I’ve already been in trouble once this week for making silly about losers, but y’all, it’s Louie Gohmert:  My All Time Favorite Loser.

Louie Gohmert

East Texas Congressvarmint and and soon to be unemployed loudmouth idiot (but those jobs are in great demand in East Texas so don’t feel too bad for him) has his own opinion about Commerce Secretary John Bryson wreck this weekend.  Louie says it could not have possible have been a seizure.

“It’s really unusual to have a seizure cause you to have one wreck, and then cause you to put your car in gear and keep going until you have another wreck,” Gohmert, R-Tyler, said on American Family Radio. President Barack Obama’s appointed officials “are not the kind of people that you want heading up the country. They’re not honorable, honest people,” he said.

Louie, there’s some new fangled thing out there called auto-ma-tic trans-mission.   These fancy new cars don’t have a clutch.  Amazing, huh?   Think bumper cars, Louie, with one car’s gas pedal strapped to the floor.  If you’re having a seizure, putting on the brake is not your first reaction.  Hell, Louie, look at yourself. Darlin’, you can’t even put the brake on your pie hole.

There’s also this physics thing that goes, “An object in motion tends to stay in ….” oh what the hell am I saying?  You don’t even believe in gravity.  You think Jesus grabs us all by the feet to hold us on the ground.

Here’s Louie’s best line about the situation.

“That’s who’s in charge of keeping businesses going: a guy who crashes his car from car to car,” Gohmert said.

No, Honey, you’re thinking of the man who crashes jobs.  That would be John Boehner.

Thanks to Mary and Brian for the heads-up.

I know nothing at all about these people.  Furthermore, I consider that a real blessing.

I love yew, Texas.

Thanks to David who was just wondering if I knew any of these chicks.

David Dewhurst can kiss my big blue butt.  On Sunday.  In the park.  And I’ll even spot him 15 minutes to draw a crowd.

David Dewhurst: so slick that he can't keep his socks up.

Dewhurst put a venture capitalist on the state cancer research board, where he will vote on over $3 billion in state funds for cancer research, where he just happens to have a little interest.

And what did this prime appointment cost Charles Tate?  $465,000 to Dewhurst’s political funds for his statewide races.  Hey, half a million for 3 billion?  Nice return on his investment, no?

Over the past six weeks, the state cancer institute has been generating headlines, after The Dallas Morning News reported that chief scientific reviewer Alfred Gilman quit in protest of geographic-quota politics and a short-circuiting of grant reviews by panels of out-of-state scientists. Among other things, Gilman criticized the institute’s hasty award in March of $20 million to a business incubator partnership between Rice University and M.D. Anderson. Over the weekend, the Houston Chronicle reported emails suggest Tate was instrumental in shepherding the incubator grant, which will help fund cancer researcher Lynda Chin, wife of M.D. Anderson president Ronald DePinho, through the institute’s approval process.

Maybe if Dewhurst gets elected to the senate, he can sell squeaky wheelchair rights for little crippled children or think of the money there has to be in prosthetic devices that don’t even have to work properly!  That’s a whole new frontier for Dewhurst:  sick people to exploit all over the country!

Republicans:  they are selling your cancer drugs to the highest venture capitalist  bidder.  That’s just gotta make you proud.

Seriously, selling state cancer research funds has to earn you a real special place in hell.

Thanks to David for the heads-up.

Okay, so I’m not the Koch brothers.  Obviously, I guess.  I mean, I’m not even a brother, much less a rich evil brother.  Okay, so maybe evil.  I am kinda evil.  Oh crap, what I’m trying to say is that I am not a major big giant donor to political causes.

However, you and me and that guy other there and those folks up in the balcony and the woman in the back with the Carmen Miranda hat on and the guy with nose ring attached to a chain that goes to his …. holy crap, that guy needs to sit down … all of us together can be our own brothers and, of course, sisters.  We can act together to counter the Koch brothers now, thanks in part to our friend Alfredo at the Dairy Queen.

Alfredo moonlights from his job as a fry cook to work on some of his pet projects and this is one of them.

The Federal Election Commission on Monday night unanimously voted to allow Americans to make political donations via text message, making Androids, iPhones and BlackBerrys the newest weapon in the battle to raise unprecedented amounts of money.

Both parties, as well as campaign finance reform advocates, say the move will allow Americans of modest means to play a greater role in a democratic process dominated this election cycle by billionaires and multimillionaires and political organizations such as super PACs that may raise and spend money without restriction.

Okay, so here’s the deal.  We’re gonna call ourselves The Phone Brothers and each of us is gonna set aside $25 a month between now and the election to support Democrats.  You can split your donation up into $5 increments or blow the whole $25 on some dude running for sheriff in Pennsylvania.  That doesn’t matter.  What matters is that we, together, can fight back now, in no small part to the work of Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen.

Thank you, Alfredo

I’m gonna talk to my geek about setting up a special page where you can make a pitch for your favorite candidate to be Phone Brother worthy.  We’ll put a link to it on the front page here and start letting you tell us which candidate or cause we should support.  I’ll get that done as soon as candidates start using it.

And if anybody has a better suggestion for a name than Phone Brothers, I’m all over it.

Thank you, Alfredo.

Y’all, I am so proud of Bubba’s work on this.  It is an amazing platform for Texas Democrats.  Click here and let these words soothe your soul.

Bubba’s big issues were: repeal the death penalty, decriminalization of marijuana, and marriage equality.   All three are in there and Bubba is content with the world for a full day before he starts hitting the ground to elect Democrats in Texas to get it implemented.  He did this in honor of his son and I know Chip is grinning today.

A big ole sloppy hug to SDEC member JC Dufresne for his amazing work on marriage equality and his non-stop push for all things progressive.

Texas Democrats:  Damn, We’re Even Better Than Good!

Thanks to Bubba for the heads up.

Can you even imagine the hysteria if President Obama replaced the flag of the United States of America at the outside door of his office with a flag of some personal meaning to him.

Say, even Moultrie Flag that was flown during the Revolutionary War?  Or maybe the Hawaiian flag?

No, no, think about that.  Good Lord, Sean Hannity would eat his own hair on live teevee.  Rush Limbaugh would pee his pants and Bill O’Reilly would accidentally stick his thumb in his eye while waving around wildly.  The entire Fox Network would start glowing in the dark like a Geiger counter and Karl Rove would move for impeachment.

So, anybody hear crickets?

Yep, That right there is a picture of Michele Bachmann standing outside her office, having removed the flag of the United States of America and replaced it with The Gadsden Flag.

She tweeted, “I’m pleased to have Gadsden Flag outside my office. I remain committed to reducing size/scope of federal gov.”

Yo, Crazy Woman, that is not your office.  That office belongs to the citizens of the United States of America.  What are you going to do next, replace all the paintings of George Washington with photos of Justin Berber? Are you crazy?

Oops, I got carried away and poked my own eye.

Thanks to David for the heads up.