Y’all George W Bush is writing a book.

On economic policy.

Okay, I’ll wait here while you clean off your computer screen.

Lalalalalala .. waiting ….teededededede … waiting.  Okay?

The title of the book is “Strategies for Economic Growth.”

Okay, I’ll wait.  You clean.

Good Lord, just four short years ago, the man couldn’t spell economic and now he is an expert.

His quote of the year?

As he spoke about his Freedom Collection, he said, “I actually found my freedom by leaving Washington.”

Dude, we all did when you left.  We all did.

Republicans are stinkers.  They really are.

Democrats encourage our young people to run for Senate.  Republicans encourage theirs to intimidate, lie, and develop a criminal record.

James O’Keefe is a poor man’s Lee Atwater, but with an even bigger ego.  He is not as smart as Lee Atwater, that’s for sure.  Plus, Atwater was wise enough to keep his name out of the fray.  O’Keefe thinks he’s just one good script away from an Academy Award.

Take, for example, O’Keefe’s blunder in North Carolina.

Conservative filmmaker James O’Keefe released a new video today supposedly exposing voter fraud in North Carolina by highlighting non-citizens like Zbigniew Gorzkowski who have voted in recent elections.

The problem: Gorzkowski is an American citizen.

And he has been a citizen since the 1980’s.

But, there’s more.  O’Keefe tried to vote in North Carolina as a man who had recently died.  The man, who was 84 years old, had a 23 year old son by the same name living at his address.  O’Keefe’s people tried to vote as the deceased man and thought they had discovered voter fraud because the man’s name was on the voter roles.  They didn’t notice the Jr. after the name.

The newly widowed mother and wife responded to the news when the folks at the polls called her about the event  …

“If he were my son I would spank him.”

“I don’t like the way they just felt that they could use my husband’s name and put it out there,” the widow told TPM. “It just wasn’t right. My husband just died, and then they do that? Why didn’t they use somebody from a year ago or five years ago. It was just very insensitive.”

O’Keefe is not only a doofus.  He’s a mean bitchy little doofus.

You know, I feel kinda bad linking O’Keefe to Lee Atwater.  Atwater sought salvation and redemption at the end of his life and tried to send a warning message to others about what he’d done, including apologizing to Michael Dukakis for the  ‘naked cruelty’ of the 1988 presidential election campaign.

O’Keefe seems to prefer just just being naked.

Thanks to Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen this morning with a cup of coffee and Bev.

I know that George W Bush doesn’t have much to put on his library website.  I can understand that.  I mean, the dude can’t leave the United States or they’ll put his lying, torturing butt in prison. He never did anything to make the world a better place or even had any friends who weren’t bought.

So, he’s using little sweet baby kittens to make himself look socially acceptable.

I think a better tagline would be, “Y’all, look, George W Bush did not torture and kill this little baby kitten.  And he even hid this little baby kitten under his chair so Dick Cheney wouldn’t eat him.”

The man’s a saint, a saint I tell you.

Thanks to MB for the heads-up.

I think the Republican Mothership (the USS Nixon) is sending signals down to earth for all Republicans to start acting like their pants are on fire.

Let us go to normally staid New Hampshire where we shall meet State Representative Steve Vailliancourt of Manchester, a man who is a little tightly wound to start with.  Set him off by not letting his bully his way to legislation  and you, my friend, become Adolph Hussein Hitler to him.

Scary video here.

Vailliancourt later apologized but it took 4, count ‘um four, tries for him to get the apology right.

First try:  “So I will never use a German word again, including (unintelligible German) meine damen und herren,” which roughly translates to “I’m being sarcastic as hell, you jerks.”

Finally he was able to get it right.  Well, sort of.

“Again, I apologize to the chair of the House for using those inflammatory German words,” he said.

Later on, Vaillancourt was still upset about the initial procedural matter that set him off.

“It’s a Stalinist tactic. It’s the tactic of a tyrant,” he said.

Well, that’s so much nicer.  I mean, Stalin ain’t bad, право?

Thanks to Irene for the heads up.

Luckily, we have the wise and wonderful research assistant Sybil at The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.  Sybil has found the reason for the post we had yesterday about the Republican Party in South Carolina having actual dueling matches and a word war on Twitter.

They’ve outlawed sparkin’ in South Carolina.  Well, just for Republicans.

According to new rules just adopted by the Laurens County GOP, no candidate will wind up on the primary ballot who hasn’t passed a purity test.

Among the new requirements to run as a Republican in this county in the June 12 legislative primary, according to The Clinton Chronicle, are that aspiring candidates must have abstained from sex before marriage.

And once they ace THAT test, they must take a pledge that “You cannot now, from the moment you sign this pledge, look at pornography.”

You know, a little wine, a little porn, a little hoochy … maybe that would put this whole dueling thing to rest.  I mean, not to be indelicate, but hell a man’s gotta shoot off somethin’, Honey.  It’s gonna be his mouth, his gun, or … mattress thrashing.  The first two just end up in a war of words and a dueling match.

Sadly, according to news sources, there are “28 different pledges candidates must swear to uphold if they want to hold office under the banner of the Republican Party.”

They include book readin’, unnecessary dancing, a full set of teeth, jeggings (okay, I agree, everybody should have to sign that pledge), even saying the words “united nations,” talking French, voting to add “Under God” to Take Me Out To The Ballgame, and hating George Clooney.

Okay, so I made that stuff up but I swear to all that is fun and enjoyable that my made-up list is probably less restrictive than their real list.

I am happy to report that there are some good Democrats in South Carolina.

South Carolina Democratic operative Lachlan McIntosh said in an email that he finds it interesting a party so preoccupied with buzzwords like “freedom” seem to oppose it on a regular basis.

“It sounds like a little porn might do these folks some good,” McIntosh said.

Ya think?

Thanks to Sybil, purveyor of fabulous purses, for the heads up.

Every other Republican Party in every other state just needs to quit.  South Carolina wins.

The best I can figure, there are two Republican candidates there who hate, hate, hate each other.  Personally, from what I read, neither one of them is worth liking much at all.

There is a Republican state senator named Jake Knotts and he has an opponent named Katrina Shealy.  So, we have the Knotts/Shealy Wars.

Jake Knotts: Strong Dislike of Ragheads

The first act:

First, a state Supreme Court ruling resulted in Shealy being removed from the June 12 Republican primary ballot. That ruling came after a paid campaign worker for Knotts filed a lawsuit alleging Shealy and others did not file their paperwork correctly. Then, last week, Knotts used legislative maneuvers to kill a Senate bill that would have allowed Shealy back on the ballot.

Well, that’s just pretty crummy, isn’t it?

So, Shealy asked the South Carolina Republican Party’s executive committee to remove Knotts from the ballot because “he has previously issued a duel challenge to former South Carolina Republican First Vice Chairman Patrick Haddon.”

Yes, duel.

Katrina Shealy: Strong Dislike of Duels

Apparently, they still duel in South Carolina and it’s not the Dick Cheney kind of duel where you just shoot some guy in the face.  Apparently, both men are armed.  I don’t know a whole lot about it because it went out of popularity about the same time pistols got more accurate, making it a whole lot harder to determine the winner of a duel.

Also apparently, which I say because I am no expert in the South Carolina Constitution, it is illegal to challenge someone to a duel.

“any person who shall fight a duel or send or accept a challenge for that purpose, or be an aider or abettor in fighting a duel, shall be deprived of holding any office of honor or trust in this State.”

I’ll bet she stirred up some dust finding that one!

Now, if you’re like me and God help ya if you are, you are probably wondering when this duel issuing happened.  In an anachronistic miracle, it happened on Twitter.

In the summer of 2010, Knotts — appearing on Pub Politics, a weekly Internet talk show — referred to President Barack Obama and then-Republican gubernatorial candidate Nikki Haley as “ragheads.” Shortly thereafter, Haddon — a state party official — called on Knotts to resign.

On Dec. 22, 2010, Haddon posted to his Twitter account: “Sen. Jake Knotts challenged me to a duel today. Senator, take your best shot. You couldn’t hurt Nikki, you won’t hurt me.”

Well, there ya go.  Metaphorically speaking.

Patrick Haddon: Strong Dislike of Returning Reporters' Calls

So, now we add Republican Patrick Haddon to this mix, who, according to reports, is not answering his phone.

I can’t imagine why.  Why would you miss out on this statesman-like opportunity to weigh in on duels, ragheads, and 1880 South Carolina constitutional issues?

So, wrap it up Texas, Arizona, Florida … wrap it up because South Carolina wins Republican Crazytown.

But, they might even top themselves —

The Republican Party’s executive committee will hear five protests Wednesday from candidates — including Shealy — challenging the decision to remove them from the primary ballot.

I can hardly wait!

Thanks to Irene for the heads-up.