Oh those fun-loving Republicans!  Were it not for them, I would be a wasted, lonely person with no customers at the beauty salon.  I cannot tell you how deeply I appreciate them providing entertainment for us.

This one’s a goodie!

New Obama slogan has long ties to Marxism, socialism

The Obama campaign apparently didn’t look backwards into history when selecting its new campaign slogan, “Forward” — a word with a long and rich association with European Marxism.

Many Communist and radical publications and entities throughout the 19th and 20th centuries had the name “Forward!” or its foreign cognates. Wikipedia has an entire section called “Forward (generic name of socialist publications).”

“The name Forward carries a special meaning in socialist political terminology. It has been frequently used as a name for socialist, communist and other left-wing newspapers and publications,” the online encyclopedia explains.

And “Backwards,” the Republican slogan means “Dude, there’s no way we can win this election so let’s just get rid of Romney this year.”   Seriously.  Look it up.

Thanks to Brian for the heads-up.

Most of you have heard of Joel Osteen.  He’s a prosperity gospel preacher in Houston whose church purchased the city’s old basketball arena and installed some more spotlights and ginormous big screen gadgets.  I started calling it Six Flags over Jesus.

Like most teevee evangelists, Osteen is very self-promoting.  I lost a dollar bet once by laying odds on whether he’d say his own name or Jesus more times in a television appearance.  I was betting on Jesus.

Well, Joel went on Chris Wallace’s Fox news show and starting talking about the gays.

Megachurch pastor Joel Osteen says being gay is a sin, but claims that belief doesn’t make him a “gay hater” or a “gay basher.”

Appearing yesterday on Fox News Sunday, Osteen told host Chris Wallace, “I believe the Scripture says that being gay is a sin. But, you know, every time I say that, Chris … people say, well, you are a gay hater and you’re a gay basher. I’m not. I don’t — I don’t dislike anybody. Gays are some of the nicest, kindest, most loving people in the world. But my faith is based on what I believe the Scripture says, and that’s the way I read the Scripture.”

How charmed the gays must be to know that they are “some of the nicest, kindest, most loving people in the world.”  And how surprised I am!  Because I have known some gays who are a real bitch and not nice at all.  I guess they didn’t get the “Here’s How All Gays Should Act” memo.

But, it is real sweet how Joel patronizes gays before he declares them sinners doomed to rotting in hell.  Goodness, that was real nice.  He could have said, “I hate you and you’re going to burn in fire forever.”  Instead, he said, “I love you and you’re going to burn in fire forever.”  See, that’s much nicer.

You know, I am dead solid perfect sure that there were gays during the time of Jesus.  Yet, Sweet Jesus never, ever said a word about gays.  Not even a hint.  However, he had much to say about hypocrisy and being judgmental.

Judge Steven Kirkland in Houston was the first out LGBT judges elected in Texas, and one of only two LGBT district court judges currently serving in the state.  Kirkland is an excellent judge and in the interest of fairness, I will let you know that he’s a friend of mine and a friend of every justice-loving cowpoke in the state.

Judge Steven Kirkland

Judge Kirkland is so honest that you could play dice with him over the telephone.  However, some damn writ twit got hacked off because he lost a case in Kirkland’s court.  So, this writ twit recruited and funded (to the tune of $35,000 reported so far) an opponent against Kirkland in the Democratic primary.  The best the writ twit could do is a woman named Elaine Palmer and she’s a no-class nincompoop.

Palmer did robo calls on Easter wishing everybody a Happy Easter and Vote For Me.  It was like having the bunny come to your house, hide eggs, then find them all before you do, then sit and eat them in front of you doing a bunny-hiss warning  while chewing.  Or maybe show up with his basket of goodies and then thumb his nose at you.  Or something.  Whatever it was, it was tasteless.

So now Ms. Palmer has moved into the world of surreal bullcorn.  She has done a mass email touting her candidacy.  In this email, she lists some of her supporters.  Apparently, she has at least half a dozen.  Maybe a full dozen – it depends on her mood that day.

Her email contains a picture of an Asian couple with the cutline, “The Nguyens are now proud supporters of Elaine Palmer for Judge.”

That’s real nice.

Except the couple isn’t Vietnamese.  They’re Malaysian.

And they don’t live here.  They live in Malaysia.

Their photo was taken taken by Tan Wei Ming and uploaded to this stock photo website.

I am not kidding you.

Okay, so that got me to thinking.

I’ve always wanted to be one of those highly paid political consultants who use politics for a grudge match, so I came up with some more supporters for Elaine Palmer for Judge.

Junior, P.J., Bubba, and Joe Bob Churchill are now proud supporters of Elaine Palmer.

.

Veteran Pedro Hernandez is now a proud supporter of Elaine Palmer.

.

Newt Gingrich is now a proud supporter of Elaine Palmer

.

The Rev. Sissy Lynn Frontage now proudly supports Elaine Palmer.

.

Jeb Bush and the entire Bush family are now proud supporters of Elaine Palmer

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Mitt Romney and Semus are now proud supporters of Elaine Palmer.

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The Easter Bunny now proudly supports Elaine Palmer.

.

Judge Steven Kirkland now proudly .... nah, not gonna happen

.

I’ll be sending a bill to Elaine Palmer for helping her get these supporters.  And the next time she wants to get involved in a grudge match and be a pawn for a idiot lawyer, have her call me first and I’ll get her some estrogen because apparently she’s a quart or two low.

And that’s the damn truth.

Nazis.  Seriously.

For the first time, a member of the American Nazi Party has become a Washington lobbyist with the purpose of helping pass favorable legislation through the US congress, US-based ABC News reported.

No, really.  Here’s the best part.

The new lobbyist said he would not use derogatory language and was open to working with members of congress from all parties.

“If they don’t hold my politics against me, I won’t hold anything against them,” he said.

Yeah, because I just hate it when Nazis hold something against me.

Or touch me at all.

Thanks to Iris for the heads-up.

I think I mentioned to y’all that the Texas GOP is having their convention the first week of June in Fort Worth.  Their main speaker is Rick Santorum.  Odds-makers were betting that Santorum would have won Texas, and he still might because there are at least 20 dead or jailed politicians who are more popular than Mitt Romeny in Texas.  Oh yeah, and ebola, ebola is more popular than Mitt in Texas.

So, now the Texas GOP is looking for a three-way.  Ron and Rand Paul are a’comin’ to Austin bringing a herd of crazzzy.

The rally, announced this morning by Paul’s presidential campaign, will be sponsored by the Tea Party Express, a national organization active in electoral politics, supporting past campaigns by Rand Paul, Sarah Palin, U.S. Sen. Scott Brown and other conservative candidates.

Last time they were in Austin, they drew a crowd of 6,000.  Maybe more, but the glare off the tinfoil hats made them difficult to count.

They are supporting our local manclown, Ted Cruz, who is running for senate in the seat vacated by Kay Bailey Hutchison.  Cruz is fun to watch.  When he gives a speech, he gets so carried away that little spittle things form at the corners of his mouth.

He’s been Attorney General Greg Abbott’s #2 man for far too long.  He takes great pride in how many women and minorities he can hurt in one day and he starts anew every day, trying for a personal best.

I hope he wins because, what the hell, we don’t have near enough mean, vicious, crazzzy Republicans in Texas.