I think y’all probably remember Elaine Palmer.  The woman running for judge who put the stock photo of an Asian couple in her email blast and claimed they were supporters?  She even gave them names – The Nguyens.  Bless her heart, she lied so bad that now she has to get someone else to call the dogs because even they don’t believe her.

And you know how sweet I was to go out and get her some more supporters?  I’m a sweet woman.

Veteran Pedro Hernandez is now a proud supporter of Elaine Palmer.

Well, here’s the thanks I get:  she says I’m a stinkin’ racist, and she wants to fight me.

Dude, I’m a hairdresser.  I know how to hurt you.  This ain’t smart.

Ms. Palmer, who fancies herself the Rosa Parks of all elections ever held, sent out another email blast about the column I wrote.  While she was too poopie-del-pollo to call me by name (I suspect she might have heard that there are 4 1/2 lawyers in my immediate familial vicinity), she did quote me extensively and even used my funniest line in the subject part of her email.  I don’t know this for a fact, but I suspect that she’s had a humorectomy.

Subject: A Quart or Two Low on Estrogen – Elect Elaine Palmer Judge 215th District Court

Now, I am totally clueless as to why she’d want people to know that she’s a quart or two low on estrogen, but – hey – I’m not running for judge so I’m not real familiar with the qualifications.  It could be that’s a plus in judicial circles.

So she decided that I must hate Barack Obama and freely use the N word because I said she was a nincompoop for fibbing on her campaign material.  Here’s the actual screenshot of her actual email in actual living color.  Click the little one to get the big one.

Seriously, Honey?

The actual quote was —

And the next time she wants to get involved in a grudge match and be a pawn for a idiot lawyer, have her call me first and I’ll get her some estrogen because apparently she’s a quart or two low.

She left out some parts there.

But, there’s more.  Oh yes, she ain’t finished.

The whole quote is, “The best the writ twit could do is a woman named Elaine Palmer and she’s a no-class nincompoop.”  Yep.  I stand by that, on top of it, under it, and will lift it on top of my head if need be.  She’s a no-class nincompoop.

Now, I have no need to defend myself, but I would like to taunt Ms. Palmer just a tad:  I have given very generous  donations to three African American female judicial candidates this election season alone, and many more in past elections.   None of those three would include nincompoops who lie on their campaign materials, misquote me, and then are too chicken to call me a racist in public.  In short, none of them are you, Ms. “You-Mean-I’m-Not-The-Only-Female-African-American-Running-For-Judge-In-Texas?” Palmer.

Now, I’d like to do a little more math here:  There are 11 or 14 people who come to this website every damn day.  You can bet your bottom dollar that Carl Whitmarsh, who is the owner of the largest Democratic listserve in the entire state of Texas will reprint this.  He’s got about 25,000 people on his listserver, probably more with election time approaching.  I’d be willing to bet my best pair of pink boots that between Carl and me, we reach more people than Ms. Palmer does with her email blasts.  And our people will know the truth:  she’s a nincompoop.

And just one little word of advice to Ms. Palmer:  don’t go bear hunting with a stick.

I still think I am a sweet woman.

Oh crap.

They have royally hacked me off now.

Student loans.  Republicans want to double the interest rates on student loans.   Well crap, they outsource all the jobs anyway so who need educated people?

Democrats suggested that we raise the Social Security and Medicare payroll taxes on certain high-earners to stop the increase.  But, noooooo.  God forbid we should have Paris Hilton and the Kardashians pay a little more on their social security.  Better our college students should pay because – well, hell – it’s pretty damn obviously that Paris Hilton and the Kardashians didn’t need an education to get rich.

So what did student loans get us anyway?  Barack and Michelle Obama, that’s what.  Who needs more of that?

Student loans = Barack Obama
No student loans = Paris Hilton

So now you know why Republicans aren’t all the crazy about student loans.

God forgive me, I just hate those people.

North Carolina votes today on Amendment 1, an attempt to legalize hate and discrimination.

I went to do my part, but it appears that wasn’t enough.   North Carolina used to be my fall vacation spot, but they have gotten my last dime. I’ll go spend my money at the Rockies instead of the Smokies.

Andrew Sullivan shared a letter today from a brokenhearted adopted son of the south, a college professor leaving North Carolina.

My people are voting, and even sending me proof.  The photo on the right is real and it came to me from the North Carolina coast via the magic of modern technology.

If you know anyone who lives in North Carolina, the polls are open until 7:00 pm there and 6:00 pm God’s time.

The Republican National Committee is serious about jobs in the United States.

Okay, I need to take back that “serious” part.

The Republican National Committee on Thursday stepped up its assault on President Barack Obama in advance of his campaign formal kick off Saturday in Ohio and Virginia–hitting him on “high unemployment” in the U.S. as the RNC used a firm located in the Philippines to set up the “messaging” call.

Wait a minute.  Let me ponder this for 5 or 6 seconds.  You outsourced phone banking to an overseas firm to complain about Obama not creating enough jobs in America?

Smooth move, Reince Priebus.  You da man.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.

The Texas Republican boy candidates are duking it out, Honey.

In the marketplace of ideas, these guys are Spencer’s Gifts.

I told you about State Senator Dan Patrick and fellow State Senator John Carona whacking each other over the head with “You’re so gay” and “No, you’re so gay” for no determinable reason other than they both want to be Lt. Governor if the current Lt Gov, David Dewhurst, gets elected to the big Senate in DeeCee.  Grown men calling each other gay violates all the supposed dignity of the State Senate, bullying laws at Davy Crockett Elementary School and, most importantly, the float rules at the Pride Parade in Dallas.

But, like Republican economic policies, this stuff trickles up.

David Dewhurst

David Dewhurst’s main opponent in the race for the GOP nomination for the Senate seat that Kay Bailey Hutchison is resigning is a guy named Ted Cruz.  Okay, so I will admit that Cruz is so crooked that if he swallowed a nail, he’d spit up a corkscrew, but Dewhurst has used his vast amounts of dirty campaign money to send bad photography and icky websites against Cruz.

The whole Dewhurst rant against Cruz is more misleading than most San Antonio one way streets.  Not that I’m complaining, mind you, because neither Cruz or Dewhurst is worth diddle squat.

The primary in Texas is May 29th but early voting starts Monday.  It’s gonna get powerful nasty this weekend.  I’m staying indoors and laying low.  I’m betting they’re gonna settle this stuff with gun play, and when I die I want to be real sick, real old, or doing something worth dying for.  I do not want “innocent bystander” to appear anywhere in my obituary.

Thanks to Texas Ellen for the heads-up.

Two Republican Texas State Senators are fixing to start scratching, hair pullin’, and slapping each other.

Dan Patrick

Republican wild-eyed self-promotion king Senator Dan Patrick of Houston is all over Republican I’m-more-conservative-than-you Senator John Carona of Dallas.  These guys make The Avengers and Loki look tame.

Patrick sent an email to his 30 fellow Texas State Senators this weekend accusing Carona of spreading a rumor that Patrick and his wife Jan are separating.

Patrick says that’s not true and Carona is despicable.  Yeah, that’s the word he used.  Kudos that he did not use the words “fabulously despicable.”

Corona spits back.

In response, Carona sent a letter to Patrick calling his charges false and saying Patrick should have called him regarding the allegations before contacting their colleagues. “Though I have heard rumors regarding your marital status and sexual preferences for a while now, at no time have I told anyone that you are either separated, divorced or gay,” the Dallas Republican said.

Is that not the coolest thing you’ve read in a long time?

John Carona

Honestly, I did not know until I read read Corona’s response that there were rumors that Patrick’s gay.  I mean, it’s a pretty well known fact that he’s a jerk and a nincompoop, but gay?  Another rumored gay Republican male in Austin.  Somebody needs to alert Glen Maxey!

Patrick responded to Carona by calling him “repulsive.”  Somebody, please!, buy these guys a Thesaurus so they can keep this up!

They both want to be Lt. Governor if David Dewhurst is successful in his United States Senate run.  Neither of them is qualified but both are pretty good at this name-calling stuff.  I mean, if we should ever get into a name-calling contest with Louisiana or Oklahoma, these are the guys to lead us in that endeavor.  Otherwise, worthless as a three card flush.

When Republicans are fighting like this, I think we Democrats should spend our campaign money on Margaritas, beach towels, umbrellas, and binoculars so we can be comfortable watching them.

Thanks to David for the heads-up.