Today starts early voting in Texas so I have a warning.

We have a female running in the 22nd Congressional District who Collins Street Bakery could box and sell at Christmas time.

Her name is Kesha Rogers and she’s a Lyndon LaRouche “Democrat”.  They are a brainwashing cult following a convicted felon named – ta da! – Lyndon LaRouch.  You might check to see if one of these bozos are running in your state.

Her platform is that the Queen of England rules the world and we have to stop that.  Barack Obama should be impeached – she’s not clear why but she is often seen holding a picture of President Obama with a Hitler mustache. She thinks DDT is perfectly safe and you should probably feed it to your kids for breakfast.

She also believes there is a giant conspiracy to control the world by “the Nazis, Jesuits, Freemasons, Communists, Trilateralists, international bankers, the American Civil Liberties Union, and the Socialist International—all supposedly controlled by the British—as well as Hitler, H.G. Wells, Voltaire, and the Beatles.”  No, I am not kidding about the Beatles.

Local Democrats have a little contest running to see which one of us gets the most insulting description written by Kesha on her website.  She called Bubba a “Yokel,” which is funny for man with more degrees than your average meat thermometer.  She called our local party chairman Steve Brown a lackey and stated, “[he] has repeatedly tried to incite violence against me.”  She offers no proof of this and has made no police report.  In short, her brainwashing included lying as a sacrament to LaRouche.

Steve did help put out these signs next to her signs all over town:

These LaRouchies  travel in packs and they never let you split one off from the group to talk to them, except for one time and this guy packed up and left after I made a sign that said, “Talk to a Genuine Crazy Dude, $1.00” and stood next to him with it for about 30 minutes.

Okay, y’all, this is the nicest thing I’ve read all week.

Coming on the heels of Mitt Romney strapping his poor dog to the roof of the car, and then testimony that he held down a fellow student and cut off his hair, Republicans have been scampering to find examples of how Mitt is really a very kind, gentle, helping person.  You know, when he’s not firing people from their jobs to make himself richer.

One of his top advisers and, as luck would have it, his Lt. Gov. in Massachusetts, Kerry Healey, thought long and hard and then could only come up with one example of Mitt being kind.  It, however, is a good one.  Mitt helps the lame.

In defending Romney as “deeply compassionate” and “unfailingly kind,” she pointed to moments during the GOP primary when Romney was “being attacked from every side.”

“His response was always professional, calm, civil,” she pointed out. “In fact, he even intervened on behalf [of] — to try to help — Gov. Perry when he was stumbling [in attempting to remember a talking point during a debate]. His impulses are very kind impulses and there should be no debate about whether or not Gov. Romney is a bully.”

Y’all, listen to me.  Do not roll your eyes, secure in the knowledge that Romney was taunting Perry.  Do not do that.

You need to appreciate that the only damn thing a woman who has known him for 20 years can think of as an example of Mitt being kind is that he was trying to help a special needs Governor who was too drugged up to count to three.

I mean, that make him practically the Mother Teresa of compassionate conservatism.

If you’re only going to do one nice thing every 65 years, then helping a special needs Governor should certainly be what you pick.

Thanks to Deb for the heads up.

Okay, so Libertarians follow the teaching of Ayn Rand, an atheist crazy woman with exceptionally juvenile writing skills and plot development in her defense of narcissisticly murdering the social contract.

And here’s how they act.

Supporters of Ron Paul booed presidential hopeful Mitt Romney’s son off the stage Saturday at the Arizona Republican Party convention, as he sought to solidify support for his father’s nomination.

So, while claiming to believe in individualism, they hunt as a pack devouring any individualism in their way to their ultimate goal of being Mad Max.

I do not like these people.  I call them Looneytarians.

One of the reasons they have not gained acceptance in the GOP is that they don’t love Jesus.  Okay, I realize the GOP doesn’t love Sweet Jesus either, but they say they do and  that’s all that matters to them.

So, here come Rand Paul.  Somebody must have taken him down to the river and dunked him to wipe away all his atheist sins because he’s decided that talking “morals” is suddenly real  important.

Here we go for a ride on the Crazymobile —

“I tend not to wear my faith on my sleeve,” he said, adding later that “I see decisions government makes almost always in moral terms.”

He spoke about his opposition to abortion and gay marriage, his fiscal conservativism and his opposition to war….

His strongest partisan line was to criticize President Barack Obama’s position on gay marriage.

“He said that his views were evolving on marriage. Call me cynical, but I didn’t think his views on marriage could be any gayer,” Paul said.

What the …. ?

Rand Paul: IslamoChristian

Libertarians are supposed to be FOR women making their own choices and people marrying who they want to.  Where’s Ayn Rand at the only time you really need her?

Bless his heart, Rand Paul is the worst of two worlds.  That’s hard to do.  You can’t do that accidentally.

I am trying to say something wise, intellectual, and calm about calling something “gay” when you mean “bad” in this day and age.  I have decided it is, “Come over here for a few minutes, Son, while I hold your head in the toilet and flush a few times.”

Plus, I do not even want to know here he got those hair plugs, but I must sweetly suggest it’s how he got his head up his butt.

Thanks to David for the heads up.

On rare, rare occasions, I post something personal here.  This is it.

My adored damn-near-perfect daughter-in-law earned her Juris Doctorate  with honors yesterday.  She asked Bubba to hood her, and you could not have wiped the grin off his face with dynamite.

We did not have daughters of our own, so our sons gave us magnificent daughter-in-laws.

Congratulations, Elizabeth Ann, we love you more than you’ll ever know – until you have a perfect daughter-in-law of your own – then you’ll know.

By the way, even though I only post personal things about every 5 years, I will post something personal again next month when our Lisa Lynn completes her surgical residency.  Yes, they are both doctors – one can fix you body and the other can fix your juris.

And now that I have embarrassed her completely, back to politics.

You know how the world is supposed to end this December so what the hell?

Not so fast!

In a striking find, archaeologists in Guatemala report the discovery of a small building whose walls display not only a stunningly preserved mural of a brightly adorned Mayan king, but also calendars that destroy any notion that the Mayans predicted the end of the world in 2012.

Phew!  Won’t the wackos be disappointed that there won’t be something else to blame on President Obama?

However, now they’ll say, “Obama Destroys Entire Mayan Nation.”  Or the Fox headline:  “Would Free Markets Have Saved the Mayans?”  Breaking from Rush Limbaugh:  “Mayan Chicks Are Hot!”  Mitt Romney:  “I Have Changed My Position on the World Ending.”

Come on – you’ve got some ideas, too.  You know you do.

Thanks to Elsie for the heads-up.

Y’all have heard me talk about one of our local Republican Sheriff candidates, Craig Brady.  He’s a hotheaded little dude who cannot even come to the candidate debates because he looses his temper.  I’m not joking.  There is not enough Valium in the world to control him.

It pains me to mention him at all because I’m hoping he’ll win the GOP primary.  The Democrats have an excellent candidate for this open seat and Brady would be the easy to beat.  A couple of months ago, the Democratic candidate picked the slogan, “Law Enforcement for the 21st Century.”

And that was before he saw Craig Brady’s endorsement list.

I think the Democratic candidate has a crystal ball.  Brady, bless his heart, has leadership for the 13th century.

I’m putting his endorsements over there to the side as I talk about each one of these endorsers.  You can click the little one to get the big one.  Before you start reading, please remember that this a minority majority county.

By 2011 Fort Bend was ranked the fourth most racially-diverse country in the United States by USA Today

Craig Brady Endorsements

Sheriff Milton Wright – the retiring sheriff.  He’s a 73 year old white guy. In the past his endorsement has been the kiss of death for Republican candidates.

Marshall Whichard – a 75 year old white guy who lost the sheriff’s race in 1996.

Rusty Hardin – another old white guy who doesn’t even live the county.  Plus, he’s a Democrat and a criminal defense lawyer.

Retired Texas Ranger Jeff Cook – Retired, old white guy.  Doesn’t even live here.

Former Sheriff Perry Hillegiest – a 60 year old white guy who doesn’t live here and was beaten like a drum for sheriff in 1996 after he got caught being extorted by a cute little topless dancer arsonist with generous hoochy favors.  (Y’all think I’m making this stuff up, don’t ya?  I’m not.)

State Representative John and Cindy Zerwas – Great, a youngster!  He’s a 57 year old white guy.  I better not hear one single word from Zerwas about “family values” from now on.   Unless, of course, a man getting his much, much younger subordinate pregnant and then leaving his wife for her is the new Republican family values.

State Representative Allen Fletcher – wow – two in a row!  Another 57 year old white guy.  He also doesn’t live here.  He lives in Tomball.  What the hell does he care?

Former County Commissioner R. L. “Bud” O’Shieles – Oh Dear God.  He’s a 77 year old white guy who got soundly defeated for county commissioner after his superintendent was convicted for defrauding the county.   He moved away – in shame.  Now lives in Marble Falls.

Former County Commissioner Johnnie Pustka – a 78 year old white guy who was defeated for re-election after voting against Martin Luther King Day, calling it “N***** Day.”

Former Astros Pitcher Shane and Pam Reynolds – I don’t think he even lives in Texas.  He’s not now nor has ever been registered to vote in Fort Bend County.  He’s a mere baby – a 44 year old white guy.

Former Fort Bend County Republican Party Chairman Eric Thode – I can’t even go there.  He was the political director for Enron.  White guy.  Doesn’t live here.  Moved away. Thank God.

So there you have it – diversity Craig Brady style:  Old white guy, older white guy, ancient white guy, loser old white guy,  shamed old white guy, doesn’t live here, doesn’t care white guy. Yep – that’s some diversity to be proud of.

I’m sure locals will have some color to add, but Brady’s endorsements are a damn hoot around the courthouse.