Y’all probably remember Robert Jeffress, the minister of the First Baptist Church in Dallas, who said that Mormonism was a cult.

Jeffress, who has some sugar in his britches and has been known to melt gaydar machines into piles of glitter, endorsed Rick Perry and could not think of enough bad words to say about Mitt Romney.

Well, Honey, all that has changed.  Ho boy, has it ever.

“Given the choice between a Christian like Barack Obama , who embraces non-Biblical principles like abortion, and a Mormon like Mitt Romney, who embraces Biblical principles, there is every reason to support Mitt Romney in this election,” said Jeffress, who initially backed Gov. Rick Perry’s presidential bid.

You know, sometimes I feel bad for the Religious Right – none of their core beliefs are in the Bible.  That’s gotta be tough on Sunday morning.  Twisting the words of Sweet Jesus into a judgmental, hate-mongering, divisive, name-calling, greedy, self-righteous, did I mention judgmental?, faithless, exploitative, stingy, exclusive hallelujah filled rant cannot be an easy job.

But Jeffress makes it look like cutting butter with a hot knife.

Thanks to David for the heads-up.

This –

Has morphed into this —

Sometimes I think they do this on purpose just to make my patootie itch.

Yeah, it’s East Texas Congresscritter Louie Gohmert again.  I know y’all think I’m obsessed with this guy but he refuses to shutthehellup.

Screwy Louie

Louie’s not real excited about Mitt Romney.  Apparently, Romney is not white enough for Louie’s taste.  And the whole Draft Atilla the Hun movement didn’t catch on as well as you’d suspect.  So, Louie’s out there on the far, far fringe feeling powerful lonely.

After trying to crack a few Romney votes, Louie explain his brain —

“So that I’m not totally misunderstood, I’m not as excited as I am desperate,” Gohmert said. “I’m serious, when you go across America and talk to people who are paying $4 a gallon for gas, and they are desperate…It’s a desperate situation. People in America, conservatives I know, are very desperate to replace this president with someone who will not destroy energy.”

Yeah, Hon, you’re desperate.  Plenty desperate.  You’re also insane, cockeyed, looney, stoopid, spiteful, double dumb, fanatical, goofy looking,  you dress funny, and you walk around on your tippie toes.

Destroy energy?  Did you really say “destroy energy.”  No, no, wait, make that triple dumb.

Thanks to Kathleen for the heads-up.

I am really glad to see Dick Cheney up and about spewing hate following his heart transplant.  Can’t we get this guy on a soul transplant list?

“He has been an unmitigated disaster to the country,” Cheney said of President Barack Obama.

“I can’t think of a time when I felt it was more important for us to defeat an incumbent president today with respect to Barack Obama. I think he has been an unmitigated disaster to the country,” Cheney said at the Wyoming Republican Party state convention in Cheyenne on Saturday.

Dick, Dude, you should have been around in the Bush/ Cheney presidency.  One of them shot his friend in the face and lied to start a war.  The other one spent eight years clearing brush.

The only time Dick Cheney has even remotely acted human was the two or three minutes between hearts.

And in a related story, George Bush says he doesn’t miss being President.  The feeling is mutual.

They say the GOP convention this year will be just like Viet Nam – Bush, Cheney and Limbaugh won’t be there.  (I so stole that from Mikey.)

Thanks to David for the heads-up.

Yesterday was not the greatest day Newt Gingrich ever had.

First, he got bitten by a penguin.  It is unknown if the penguin had to be treated for rabies.

Then he shows up at a luncheon in a Dallas suburb and admits that he’d be interested in being Vice President, which is gonna happen right after I get the ice concession in hell.  But mainly, he just wants someone to listen to him.  He begged Texans to vote for him in the GOP primary so he can speak at the Republican National Convention.

“We still have a right to have the last conservative standing make the case for conservatism,” Gingrich said.

Honey, they had to tie me to the floor to keep me from flying around with joy when I heard that.  Newt wants one more chance to bash Romney in front of America.

My favorite line in Newt’s bad day was this sucker.

Gary Doan, an information technology specialist from Cedar Hill, said Gingrich could not win, but he would like to see him influence the GOP platform.

“He’s a walking idea machine,” Doan said.

Yeah, well, Junior Janochek, Jr., is a walking lets-decorate-this-doublewide-with-beer-cans-and-velvet-Elvis-paintings machine, but that doesn’t mean that we should pay him any mind.

On the upside, Newt did not divorce anyone new.

Thanks to David and Anthony for the heads-up.

Suspected Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney already has the White House up for sale.  Well, not literally, but to be honest the last thing that man needs is another house.  He’s just selling tickets to get in.

Former Governor Mitt Romney is already offering top donors access to a special “Presidential Inaugural retreat,” planned on the assumption that he will be elected president this November.

The offer, in a fundraising email circulated by a top Georgia supporter to fellow Republicans and obtained by BuzzFeed, is one of several goodies offered to those who contribute more than $50,000 to the joint fundraising committee known as “Romney Victory,” a program whose outlines were first reported by POLITICO.

Well hell, the “Presidential inaugural retreat” is probably semi-close to right.  I imagine retreating is pretty much on the Republican agenda on inaugural day.

The guy is selling access nine months before the voting.  So, I’ve decided to sell pictures of myself as the Queen of Oregon.  And it could happen.  If I lived in Oregon.  And could get elected Queen.

And, face it, Romney needs the bucks.

He’s starting to look more like Richie Rich every day.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads-up.