They just can’t leave Sandra Fluke alone.  For some reason, Republican men get up every morning with the uncontrollable desire to beat her up.

Jeb Babbin. Bless His Heart

Please allow me to introduce you to Jeb Babbin.  Take a good look at him over there to the right.  Mr. Babbin could not get laid at the Chicken Ranch with a fifty dollar bill taped to his forehead and hen under each arm.  Maybe that’s why he hates women so much that he’s willing to hurt himself over it.

I do not know what caused him to be so hateful to women, but I suspect it has something to do with the getting laid thing.  I truly don’t know, but my guess is as good as any.  I feel sure that daChipster has some ideas, too, probably in poetry form, at least I hope so.

Anyway, back to Jeb and hooter toters.

Here’s what he said about Sandra Fluke.

Sandra Fluke is the model Welfare Queen for the 21st Century. Upper middle class to start, going to a very expensive (and very liberal law) school on scholarship, and now (as we know from news reports) a tool of the White House media shop. She won’t have kids like the old-style welfare queens. Instead, she will first absorb all the government benefits she can while in school, and then work for a liberal law firm or political organization as a political activist. Or she may become another trusted lieutenant of Eric Holder at Justice. She is a product of the American version of the cradle-through-career indoctrination and career of the old Soviet Komsomol.

Wait a minute!  Wait a minute!  She got a scholarship so that makes her a welfare queen?  Up until this very moment, I thought getting a scholarship was a good thing.  It’s not?

Kinda takes your breath away, doesn’t it?

Honey, Honey, Honey, you’re real okay with Mitt Romney hiding money off shore and Phil Gramm helping rich people avoid paying taxes, but a woman is a welfare queen because she got a scholarship?

Oh Honey, did you bother to tell people that you sucked off the government teat under Daddy Bush as United States Deputy Undersecretary of Defense, which is clearly the job in charge of ordering pencils and making sure the air conditioner gets turned off on weekends?  Good Lord, did they gift wrap your paycheck?  Awwww … Welfare King, huh?

By the way, Jeb Babbin went to the Cumberland School of Law, whose motto is, “Yeah, well, we never heard of you either.”  I suspect he did not earn a scholarship.  I also suspect the female students were smarter than he is and that he probably didn’t get a date to law prom.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads-up.

Okay, I have to fess-up.  I know that Rick Santorum has stirred up more dust than Noah’s flood could have settled.  I have to confess that he’s my first choice to be the GOP nominee.

Let’s see, he’s offended women, black people, people who went to college, young people, poor people, …. now, who has he left out?  Oh yeah, Puerto Ricans.

Republican presidential hopeful Rick Santorum told Puerto Ricans on Wednesday they would have to make English their primary language if they want to pursue U.S. statehood, a statement at odds with the U.S. Constitution.

That pretty much covers all the bases.

And, oh, by the way, Sarah Palin needs to hand him her dunce cap.

“Like any other state, there has to be compliance with this and any other federal law,” Santorum said. “And that is that English has to be the principal language. There are other states with more than one language such as Hawaii but to be a state of the United States, English has to be the principal language.”

There’s no federal law about English being the principal language.  None.  Nope.  So now snob doesn’t look so bad, huh?

Thanks to Ralph for the heads-up.

So there’s this Republican down in Florida who lost his mind in the swamp.  It happens.

His name is Rep. Cliff Steans and he’s got one of the nicest comb overs in congress.  I dunno if they give an award for that, but if they did, he’d win even with the other competition.

So Cliff thinks the government needs money, except not any of his.  So, he’s come up with a money-making scheme.

Cliff wants to sell our national parks.  You know, like Six Flags Over Yosemite.

Ken Burnes did a great series on PBS called The National Parks:  America’s Best Idea.  Cliff must have missed that, because he’s all geared-up for The Grand Canyon Waterslide or the Carlsbad Caverns Megachurch or the Grand Tetons Topless Club or maybe The Glacier Bay Ice Machine.

And you know how I know that Teddy Roosevelt could not be a Republican today?

Republican presidential candidates have also recently been confused about the tangible and intangible values of our national parks and public lands.  Mitt Romney told the Reno Gazette-Journal that he doesn’t know “what the purpose is” of public lands, Rick Santorum told Idahoans that public lands should go “back to the hands” of the private sector, and Ron Paul advocated for public lands to be turned over to the states.

You wanna talk about prying something from my cold dead hands?  If one of these sumbitches even looks in the general direction of Big Bend, there’s gonna be more trouble than you can stir with Mt. Saint Helens.

Thanks to Beth for the heads-up.

Dang, I don’t think I can post today because Harold already wrote the best story of the week.

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