You’ve heard about the redistricting mess in Texas.  Republicans want an entire Republican rich white boy legislature and congress.  It’s been a tough fight but we have better lawyers than they do, so we ain’t waving a white flag.

Okay, so to shock and awe everybody, Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott announced early this afternoon that “an agreement  has been reached with some parties regarding the ongoing redistricting legal fight.”

Really?  You mean it finally over and we can have an election?  Well, that’s some dandy news.

Not so quick, pardner.

Come to find out, the “some parties” appear to be Greg Abbott, a very small group of conservative Hispanics, Greg Abbott’s butt, some of Greg Abbott’s imaginary friends, and a drunk guy passed out in front of the Baptist Church in Sanger, Texas, claiming to be Randy Travis.

Today was the deadline to reach an agreement in order to have an April 3rd primary and Abbott played games.  With his butt.  He announced an agreement with one small group and said to Texas voters, “Come and get it!”

When we got there, there was a screwing awaiting us.

Left out of the agreement was (LULAC), the NAACP, the entire Democratic Party, the Gonzales Plaintiffs and the Quesda/Veasey Plaintiffs. The Mexican American Legislative Caucus also opposes the Abbott’s plan.

Faster than a bullet with legs, the San Antonio three judge panel (two of who were appointed by Republicans)  told the parties to keep negotiating, which means they were not impressed with Greg Abbott’s hiney, either.

One day when I’ve had a little more to drink, I’m gonna tell you all about a punk named Congressman Henry Goddam Cuellar, a Democrat who sells out Hispanics.  He aligned himself with Tom Delay during the last redistricting.  Greg Abbott now holds his leash.  He calls himself a Blue Dog Democrat, but only because there is no official Worthless Jerk Idiot Damn Twit Dog Democrat caucus.  I’m serious as a heart attack.

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Dirt Janochek says he likes two kinds of music – country and western.

Country and western singer Randy Travis got arrested outside a Baptist Church.  For being drunk.  On Monday morning at 1:30 in the a.m.

Hell, that does not seem right.  He was probably still drunk from Sunday.  That shouldn’t count.

Randy Travis – the stuff that makes legends.

Now that there’s a mug shot, brother.

Arresting Randy Travis for being drunk is like arresting Willie Nelson for having weed.  There ain’t no detective work involved.

Thanks to Robin for heads-up.

One of our regular customers, Gramian, hangs out at another blog, too.  I swear she’s gonna get a social media disease if she doesn’t stop blog hoppin’.

Gramian found a gifted limerickist over at Mudflats, an Alaskan blog started over Sarah Palin’s exploits.  It’s a fun place.  Gramian wanted me to see that our own Rick Perry made the cut with this ditty:

The Kochs and their ALEC were merry
contemplating President Perry
Who forgot his lines
at inopportune times
Or maybe he’d sipped too much sherry.

Good ol’ boy Rick proved quite a scamp
at the entrance to N*ggerhead Camp
He held that prayer meeting
but still took a beating
‘Vangelicals need a new champ.

And there’s this one about Newt —

There was a large pig, name of Newt
As moral as J. van der Sloot
He looked such a glutton
‘Cause he couldn’t button
the bellyward part of his suit.

Callista, his helmet-haired wife
with smile as soft as a knife
while shopping at Tiffany
had an epiphany
This is the GingRich-y life.

The campaign of which they’re a part
Lacks empathy, feeling, and heart
though it never lacks
for scorn and attacks,
Thus tearing our country apart.

And that should start your Monday off right!

Thanks to Gramian for the heads-up.

Okay, I know everybody’s not going to agree on the characters, so let’s hear it.

Thanks to Shawn for the heads-up!

Sometimes, you just gotta kick back and grin at Republicans, but only because it’s illegal to slap them upside the head.

Take, for charming example, former Rep. Mark Neumann who is currently running  as the teabagger  candidate for Wisconsin’s open Senate seat.   Neumann is running on a platform calling for the immediate end to the 2009 stimulus program because, you know, the government shouldn’t be stimulating business growth during a recession.

Mark Neuman: Having More Than Plenty

Unless, of course, said business is owned by …. er, there must be a mistake here because it says Mark Neumann.  Holy cow, it is Mark Neumann.  Right there is his name on an $80,000 stimulus check from the government.

Faced with this seemingly greedy, hypocritical, cantankerous, folly filled fact, Mark Neumann had a very good explanation.

Neumann on Thursday argued that because the grant program he benefited from started as a Bush-era tax credit, it shouldn’t be viewed as part of the 2009 economic stimulus law signed by President Barack Obama.

Oh, so it’s okay if Bush did it but not if Obama did it.

But, it gets worse.  It always does.

Mark Neumann admitted  that he took the stimulus money for his business but explained it this way:

Neumann’s company applied for and received the grant because having the money upfront was more beneficial than waiting for the tax credit, Neumann said.

“Clearly the taking of the payment allows me to reinvest the money sooner,” he said.

And who should Mark Neumann thank for this good thing?  Why, President Obama, of course.  The Bush stimulus money came in the form of tax cuts.  President Obama added the upfront money as a grant.

But, there’s even more, more, more.

Come to find out, this man who rails almost continually against federal stimulus money got caught with his pencil in his drawers, so to speak.

Last year it was revealed that a private school he started in Phoenix as an alternative to public schools there received $174,007 in federal stimulus money.

Neumann said then that he wasn’t aware of the award.

Oh Honey, there’s a whole mess of things you’re not aware of — honesty, fairness, ethics, dignity, honor, consistency, unselfishness …. somebody grab a thesaurus for me.

Thanks to Brian for the heads-up.

Newt Gingrich, a man with a half million dollar line of credit at Tiffany’s, slams Mitt Romney for being rich.

Seizing on Romney’s comment this week that he is “not concerned” about the poor, Gingrich called the former Massachusetts governor a “rich guy” incapable of connecting with working class Americans.

Pot, meet kettle.  I dunno, maybe GingRICH and Rmoney (see below) could make-up and form a band called The Disciples of Greed.