Rick Perry showed up at the CPAC conference, mainly I think just to give me something to write about.

I would have gone to the convention myself just to report on it, but until they absolutely positively prove that goofy is not contagious, I ain’t going and that’s that.

So, Crooks and Liars sent a reporter who heard something interesting.

Around noon I was sitting in a chair near the VIP room. Rick Perry was scheduled to speak at 1:20 p.m. in the Marriott ballroom. Three tall white men wearing suits and earbuds were seated across from me. One was standing. They briefly discussed security.

“I asked him if he wanted a walkthrough… and he said, ‘I’m drunk, I don’t care,'” said the older looking gentleman, who had apparently talked to the person he was securing.

Another one said, “Thanks for taking one for the team Rick.”

Errrr …. what team would that be, Rick?  The Ignorant Damfool Texas Governors Fighting Presidential Doofuses?  Hey, there’s John Connally, Baby Bush, and you.  Team Hair Apparent?

And, he was admittedly drunk.  But I can’t say anything about that because I couldn’t go there sober either.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads-up.

The folks over at InTrade are letting their gamblers make prediction and give odds on who will win the Republican primary and the general election.  You can even buy shares in it.

Take a look.

Obama with 60% in November.  And you can put butter on Newt because he’s toast.

Now, if they’d give me odds on Calista Gingrich’s hair being able to cut diamonds, I’m in.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads-up.

Thanks, Guys, for all your help.  You’re the best.

And a big ole High Five and a Oreo Blizzard to Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen for his hard work and dedication to get this done.

I thank you.

Humility would have the same effect on Newt Gingrich as daylight does on Dracula.  Newt is the only man I know who can strut sitting down.

And now enters Michele Bachmann.  During an interview last week with Bloomberg’s Al Hunt, things got Newtish.

“Let me ask you this,” Hunt said. “Who is the more conservative of these four candidates left?”

Bachmann: “I was. I was the perfect candidate.”

A few moments later, Hunt tried again: “Who’s the second most conservative?”

Bachmann: “America had their chance with the perfect candidate.”

Now, I understand that both Bachmann and Gingrich figure they have a shot at being Veep to counteract Romney’s lack of hair-pulling Jesus hollerin’.

But we need to be careful about this.  If you put Bachmann and Gingrich in a room together, you’d have to file an environmental impact statement on fracking ego.  Those two will suck the innards right out of you.

But they do have great hair.

Thanks to David for the heads-up.

John Boehner.  The indoor tanning salon industry.  Match made in … oh crap, I dunno.  And I do not want to think about it.

Seriously.

The Indoor Tanning Industry’s political action committee has contributed $5,000 House Speaker John Boehner’s (R-OH) campaign account and another $5,000 to the National Republican Congressional Campaign’s Boehner for Speaker Committee.

The trade association “actively lobbies against legislation that would place unfair restrictions on salon businesses.” Boehner no doubt earned the group’s gratitude with his staunch opposition to inclusion of tanning salon taxes in the Affordable Care Act.