How does that work, exactly?

You can find this and other things that make no sense whatsodamnever right here.

But, damn, they really help divide America.

As you know, convicted criminal Tom DeLay keeps postponing his inevitable trip to the the calaboose to serve three years hard time by paying lawyers with his ill-gotten millions to appeal his case so he can keep his star-dancin’ butt on the street.

Personally, and I have no proof of this but I like to wallow in the thought, I think he’s doing it to let me enjoy the best part of any event, the anticipation.  I already have outfits picked out for the inevitable teevee interviews I will do following glorious full color moving pictures of Tom DeLay finally, finally getting his due as he tangos off to jail clutching his Bible and dragging his last shred of dignity. (And you thought I daydreamed about Robert Redford or Dennis Quaid.  Nope, my daydreams are about justice.)

I knew it was just a matter of time until Tom DeLay jumped up to have his say about his Contract With America buddy, Newt Gingrich.  They detest each other.  I think it’s because they battle for the title of the sleaziest most skirt-chasing crooked congressvarmint in history.  Face it, they are both so crooked that they have to screw on their socks in the morning.

So, the cat claws came out yesterday when Michael Berry (shiver) had Tom on his radio show. Here’s thirty seconds of silly.

There’s more to Tom’s interview here.

Bless their hearts, Republican politics has gotten so bad that they have to rely on convicted criminals to provide political commentary.

Today’s Houston Chronicle.

In the wake of his fumbling presidential run, Gov. Rick Perry’s job approval level has sunk below President Barack Obama’s among Texans and more than half think the Republican shouldn’t run for re-election, according to a new poll by a consortium of newspapers including the Houston Chronicle and the San Antonio Express-News.

Ya see, that’s the thing about Republicans.  They look real pretty until they open their mouths.  I told y’all that about Rick Perry, didn’t I?  Yes, I did.

But, poor ole Ray Sullivan have become delusional.

Perry spokesman Ray Sullivan, noting that Perry has defied polls before, said the governor may well run for re-election in 2014 and also try again for the White House in 2016, “especially if President Obama somehow wins a second term.”

“Governor Perry leads based on his conservative philosophy and what is best for Texas jobs and quality of life, not poll numbers,” Sullivan said.

No, Ray, the voting numbers were pretty gosh-awful, too.  I thought maybe you noticed that.  You know, right before you got on the airplane to come home.

I think maybe they are planning a special Rick Perry corner at the George Bush Library.  Makes George look smart.

Newt, Dude, you’re tightrope walking over an alligator pit.  You’re walking into the lion’s den with pork chops in your pocket.

Nancy Pelosi  is a good woman not to mess with.  She did not get where she got by being stoopid.  Or by sleeping with another woman’s husband.  But nooooo … you had to open your mouth this morning.

“She lives in a San Francisco environment of very strange fantasies and very strange understandings of reality,” Gingrich said on NBC’s “Today.” “I have no idea what’s in Nancy Pelosi’s head.”

I’ll tell you what’s in her head.  Enough brains to jump start a nuclear powered submarine, that’s what.  Enough determination to soak every crop in Texas.  And enough staying power to make Newt look like he could double dose on Viagra and still not get to second base.

And if you want to talk about fantasies, Newt:  try to explain how you think you’re going to get through this election without talking about your moral behavior.  And reality?  Choke on it, Newt.

You want a piece of her, Newt?  Good luck, pudgy boy.

Navy Seals = Bad Ass.

I’m sorry, Momma, there’s just no other words.

Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend’s back
You see him comin’ better cut out on the double
Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend’s back
You been spreading lies that you know were untrue
Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend’s back
So look out now cause he’s comin’ after you

Best State of the Union since Bill Clinton’s 1994 speech.  It can be summed up in one sentence, “You want a piece of me?”

I’m a Democrat.  I want a nation built to last.

And, the diversity on that podium was unprecedented – men of three different colors.

(Sorry, I couldn’t help myself on that last one.  Boehner farts Cheetos dust.)

And, brought to you by the letters W, T, and F:  Only Republicans could conceive of having Mitch Daniels, Bush’s budget director, give the Republican rebuttal where he castigated President Obama for deficit spending. But then again their constituency is either stupid, rich, uninformed or nuts.

Thanks to President Barack Obama for knocking it out of the ballpark.