Today is the last day to enter our Grand Flamingo Sweepstakes.  Voting ends at midnight tonight!  You will not get another opportunity like this one in the next 50, 60 years.  I’m almost sure of that.

Odd paragraph in a news story this afternoon —

Newt Gingrich stepped out of church Sunday morning and launched some of his most vitriolic attacks on Mitt Romney to date in the Republican primary, seeking to recover lost ground in the polls two days before primary voting ends here on Tuesday.

Does he think Sweet Jesus quits listening once you walk out of church?  Does he think those statues in church really are Sweet Jesus so he can’t hear or see you once you scamper out that door?  After you leave all you gotta do is avoid the Baptists at the liquor store and the Catholics at the abortion clinics?  Is that what he thinks?

Then I read on and found out that Newt the neo-Catholic went to church at Exciting Idlewild Baptist Church – no seriously, Exciting is in their name because apparently if your church isn’t exciting, what the hell is it?  I mean, who would want to go to The Pensive and Thoughtful Episcopal Church or even the Ecclesiastical Liturgy Lutheran Assembly?  Boooooring.  And God bless ya if you go to Our Lady of Perpetual Virginity – where, of course, Newt has been banned.

And you certainly want to pick a church where you bounce out the door shouting vitriol, name calling, and hogging all the nasty right there on the front lawn.   You want people to know, dammit:  This is the new kind of Jesus.  This ain’t the Sweet Jesus, this is the Combat Jesus.

Which brings me to a theory I have.

I think most Republicans know that beating President Obama is going to be like trying to pole vault with a pitchfork.  It just ain’t gonna happen.  Knowing that, they are going to settle for second best:  beating up on him like a rented mule during the campaign.  They just want a candidate who can beat him at debating, slap him silly, and maybe – with any luck at all – slip and call him the N word for them.  So, they’re voting for a volatile  southern boy who looks like he’s said the N word whether he ever has or not.  They just want Newt to play nasty.

They thought they had their boy in Rick Perry because that sucker will stand on the churchhouse steps, clutching his Bible to his chest, and say, “Adios, Mofo”  without pausing a lick.  But, goodness, he was dumber than a sack of hammers and probably couldn’t remember all three of Obama’s names, when the damn Hussein is the important one.

Mitt Romney is a sissy.  They know that. Gosh, even Mitt knows that.  Hides his money in Swiss banks.  Heck, if he had any guts, he’d carry it in his pockets and dare you to touch it.

They’re not aiming to beat President Obama at the polls.  They want to beat him in a street fight.  They don’t want another wimpy John McCain, who said that Barack Obama wasn’t a Muslim.  They want to go for blood.

That’s just my theory, but it’s a good one.

Good luck with that, Newt.

It takes a cold blooded man to send in Seal Team Six.  I wouldn’t mess with him.  Pudgy Boy ain’t even gonna see it coming.

Congressvarmint Allen West in Florida got to givin’ a speech at the Lincoln Day dinner and decided that maybe Mitt Romney was on to something with this whole “dividing America” thing.

But West, as he is apt to do, got a tad confused and thought Mitt meant we need more dividing.

His mouth once again outran his brain.  And his mouth ain’t all that fast.  Calling Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and President Obama by name and Debbie Wasserman Schultz “chairman of the Democrat National Committee” because apparently her name is too hard to remember and pronounce, West said this —-

“Take your message of equality of achievement, take your message of economic dependency, take your message of enslaving the entrepreneurial will and spirit of the American people somewhere else. You can take it to Europe, you can take it to the bottom of the sea, you can take it to the North Pole, but get the hell out of the United States of America.”

Let me get a hank of that entrepreneurial will and put it in Mitt Romney’s safe.  Okay?

I’m gonna mention again that this was at the Lincoln Day dinner.  Abraham Lincoln.  You know, saved the union.

Bless Allen West’s heart – the man get relieved of duty in the military for violent conduct and that makes him perfectly qualified to be a Republican congressman.  Cheezzzzz …..

Thanks to MB for the heads-up.

Herman Cain endorsed Newt Gingrich

When doing so, he said —

And I also know that Speaker Gingrich is running for president, and going through this sausage grinder — I know what this sausage grinder is all about,” Cain said.

Okay, I’m not an expert in visual metaphors, but I’m wondering if sausages being ground is the image that the sexy boys want to bring up. Okay, I’m sorry I said bring up.

There’s a joke about a Highway Trooper stopping an Aggie for speeding his way back to College Station. The trooper walks up to the driver’s window of the car and asks the Angie, “Got any ID?”

The Aggie replies, “‘Bout what?”

And that’s exactly how Texas Republicans feel today with their Voter ID. They ain’t got a clue or an ID.

Now, things haven’t exactly gone their way, and Texas Republicans have got to be asking themselves if they’ve been paying the wrong preacher. They are getting hammered over redistricting and are fixing to throw in the towel and give Democrats everything they want just so Texas Republicans can stay viable in picking a Presidential candidate. They just haven’t gotten over the rest of the world not recognizing the brilliance of Rick Perry.

Now comes voter ID. I talked to someone close to the case today and heard a rumor about the judges who will be hearing the case. Grab a handful of this . All three of the judges picked at random could not be better for Democrats. It’s like we won the judge lottery and the Triple Crown in the same day.

I’m gonna sleep like a baby tonight with a grin on my face. Every day I thank God that I’m not a Republican and that goes double down full fisted today.

Hey, if you need some guy to charge you $800,000 to go around the country and embarrass your state, I have the man for you!

Texas taxpayers were billed almost $800,000 in travel costs for a security detail to travel with Gov. Rick Perry largely on out-of-state events tied to his presidential campaign from September through November, state figures show.

And it’s gonna get higher because there’s still unpaid invoices out there.

Hell, for $17.45 plus a case of Lone Star beer and a little gas money, we could have had Junior Janochek, Jr. go around the country embarrassing Texas.  He probably wouldn’t have done it as well as Rick Perry did because  Junior can remember all three barmaid’s names at one time, even drunk.

I think Rick Perry should pay it back out of his campaign account and then publicly apologize for being such a damn doofus.  This guy would have to study-up to be an idiot.

That’s what I think.