Well, damn. Just damn.
Less than 12 hours after he announced he was heading to Texas to “reassess” his campaign, Texas Gov. Rick Perry (R) tweeted Wednesday morning that he plans to compete in the South Carolina primary.
Well, there’s always the possibility that Ron Paul is offering Rick “some help” on his tweeting.
Rick Perry this morning. Anybody see a burning bush?
I wondering which finger he’s holding up there.
Ron Paul does not do his own tweeting. Shocking, huh?
Ron Paul on Wednesday denied that he personally wrote a mocking message on Twitter to Jon Huntsman, saying he receives “some help” in tweeting.
When asked about a message that went out under the @RonPaul Twitter account Tuesday night that read, “@jonhuntsman we found your one Iowa voter, he’s in Linn precint 5 you might want to call him and say thanks,” Paul said in an interview on CNN that he didn’t do it.
When pressed about the fact that the message was sent under his official Twitter handle, Paul said, “I have some help on tweeting,” and continued to dismiss the whole episode as “irrelevant.”
So, he doesn’t do his own tweeting and he doesn’t write (or read) his own newsletter. And what was that he was saying about “personal responsibility?”
Ron Paul: Throwing rocks at other people’s houses since 1976.
After spending a boatload of crony capitalism and Texas taxpayer money in Iowa, rumor has it Rick and Anita Perry are holding a press conference today to announced that they were punk’d by God.
Anita explained, “God told me to make Rick run for President and the Holy Ghost would handle all the details, like debate prep and reporters’ smarty-pants gotcha questions to Rick about the book he wrote. Well, I guess God’s happy now,” she continued with a lilt of Christian sarcasm in her voice, “seeing us humiliated on a national stage. Ya happy, God? Ya happy now?”
Upon arriving at the Austin International airport, Rick asked to be taken to the Governor’s mansion where he promptly set fire to the place – again, hoping to distract from the UT Tower being lit up like a oil rig in celebration of A&M’s defeat at something – again.
“I’m going home, going to bed, and then … well, I don’t remember the third thing I’m going to do,” he said.
The Anita Perry Martyr Tour will begin early Thursday morning at evangelical women’s groups around the country. She is also taking suggestions for what she can whine about now.
Rick will be on the jogging trail this morning with a flame thrower, an M2Bradley tank, a large caliber rifle and three hand grenades. Coyotes, reporters and Mitt Romney have been put on alert.
Humiliation: It’s not just for Newt Gingrich anymore.
I just want to say one more thing before the results start coming in from Iowa —-
Somebody needs to get Greta Van Susteren a dictionary so she can look up the word hypocrite.
Apparently, and I say apparently because I can’t watch Fox News without looking like that poor girl in The Exorcist and Thelma calling a priest which only makes matters worse because then I get a lecture about how could I donate to Planned Parenthood because they kill babies so then I get all hacked-off and start hollering that the only man I trust in a dress is Ru Paul so the Pope can kiss my butt and sell some of that art he’s got to feed hungry children and Verdelia, who is a Southern Baptist, starts hitting the priest with her Bible and calling him a pervert and by then the film crew of C.O.P.S shows up and my hair looks a mess and we have no one in the beauty salon in a sleeveless tee-shirt so C.O.P.S. isn’t interested in putting us on teevee which hacks off Thelma because she wants to be a teevee star in the worst way so she goes after the priest with a pair of scissors hollering, “You want a man in a sleeveless tee-shirt? I can get you a man in a sleeveless tee-shirt in 3 minutes.” so the priest takes off running and Thelma, who is Texas’ only hairdresser on roller derby skates has pretty good odds of catching him unless he cuts across Billy Hank Krolchek’s cow field where Billy Hank is now keeping a bull and what happens after this gets a little foggy because a priest running from a bull generally draws a crowd. The last time I watched Fox news this ended with Lisa Lynn going to jail for assault with a toilet seat, which is a whole ‘nother story. So, I can’t watch Fox News. I think city counsel passed a law against it.
Anyway, Greta apparently couldn’t understand how Rick Perry could run a teevee ad calling Rick Santorum a “pig,” after saying that Rick Santorum was his friend and that he prays every night for Santorum’s daughter, Bella, who has a serious genetic condition.
Perry responded to Greta’s question by saying, “In Iowa, they love pigs.”
Yeah, but not as much as a bull chasing a priest followed by a woman on roller skates with a large pair of scissors with intent to accessorize. We’ve pretty much got the market cornered on that in Texas. However, Thelma says that the next time I watch Fox news, she’s gonna call a Governor instead of a priest.
Good plan, Thelma. We could sell tickets of Rick Perry running from a bull.
Donald Trump: The Perfect Texan. Big hair, big mouth, funny accent, and an ego bulging enough to fill El Paso.
And apparently he’s on his way here to put a straw in the big ole mug of steaming Texas political crazy juice.
Donald Trump is preparing for a possible third party presidential run and his backers filed paperwork Friday to allow him to run in Texas, according to a conservative news site.
Trump said that he’s “aware and flattered” by his “supporters” filing this paperwork in Texas. Y’all, the odds of Donald Trump having any supporters in Texas is about the same as the Astros winning the pennant. On the other hand, the odds of some Democrats thinking this is funny are pretty damn good.
Trump says that he’s still considering a third-party run “if the Republicans nominate a candidate who cannot defeat Obama.”
Go on ahead and mark me in the column of Democrats who think this is funny. I didn’t file the paperwork, but I’ll sure sign the petition and notarize it for free.
I think this is shaping into my favorite political season ever.