Rick Perry is in South Carolina on James Island, talking hard about border security, where, of course, that’s a major problem due to Mexicans learning to cross country swim.

Reports say there were dozens of people there, and from the audio recording of the event (on the link above), at least five of them were listening, maybe even two or three more.  Read the whole article about the college senior who was there, mainly concerned about drug policy.  She wants them.  And hell, if I was stuck on an island with Rick Perry, I can hardly blame her.

But, it is this quote that caught everybody’s eye —

“[My father] said you know what, the federal government is supposed to do three things really well, he said they’re supposed to stand the military, he said they’re supposed to defend and secure our borders and they’re supposed to deliver our mail, preferably on Saturdays and on time,” Perry said. “You know two out of three isn’t good enough anymore, ladies and gentlemen.”

Likewise, a Presidential candidate needs to remember three things:  faith, hope, and ….oh crap.

And to add to Rick’s burden of stoopid, he came in third in a Texas Tea Party straw poll.  In his own state.

Thanks to Debbie and Bananas for the heads-up.

Rick Perry does not see much wrong with United States Marines, the cream of our crop, wizzing on corpses.

That’s because Rick Perry wizzes on everything – taxpayers, school children, women in need of health care, property owners, cute little puppies, your lunch when you look the other way, Laura’s flowers in the backyard, Ron Paul’s paper sack of gold he carries everythwere …. you name it, Rick has wizzed on it or is sincerely looking forward to doing so.

Well, except the Gov Shack when it was on fire.  He wouldn’t wizz on that because he’d had his eye on a $10,000 a month mansion in a gated community with a swimming pool … that he could wizz in.

In fact, that’s the entire Republican economic plan:  wizz on it.

In Texas, using a toilet is for sissies.  And men who are too dumb to remember  up or down.

Rick Perry:  making Texas Wizz Proud!

I know this is going to come as a shock to you, but the evangelicals meeting in Texas endorsed Rick Santorum.

A week before the South Carolina primaries, more than 150 conservative evangelical leaders met in Texas and voted to throw their weight behind former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum. The endorsement, which will likely come with grassroots support and fundraising assistance, marks a last-minute effort to help a socially conservative candidate dethrone current frontrunner Mitt Romney.

Note to Rick Perry:  They were meeting in your state, pretty darned close to the university you attended, looking for an evangelical like the kind that prays in football stadiums, who is conservative, who is a Washington outsider, and isn’t overly concerned about man on dog hoochy-koochy.

For you to lose out to Rick Santorum means that (1) they think you’re dumber than bean dip, or (2) they believe Glen Maxey’s book.

Personally, I think it’s both.  Pack it up, Perry, you’re coming home, son.

I’m leaving Scott’s email exactly as is because nobody could improve on it.  Not even Hemingway.

Juanita,

NBC News tonight reported on the mudslinging ads the Republicans are airing against each other in South Carolina. Newt Gingrich, they reported, whined that a pro-Romney superPAC ad run against him had been awarded 3 Pinocchios for falsehood by the Washington Post’s fact-checkers. NBC pointed out that the Post’s same fact checkers had meanwhile awarded one of Newt’s ads 4 Pinnochios for being even less truthful.

This episode demands coining a new word:

Newtzpah, (n.)- the superlative of utterly unmitigated gall.

Cheers,
Scott

It has bothered me that Rick Perry is suing to get on the ballot in Virginia making the exact same arguments that Texas Democrats are making about voter ID in Texas.  Plus, Perry was hoping for an activist federal judge to overturn state law, you  know, the very thing he publicly rails against.  Even the Houston Chronicle opined —

We agree that Virginia’s ballot requirements are overly burdensome, and as a major candidate Perry does belong on the ballot. But Perry suing in federal court over strict state voter ID rules is exquisitely ironic.

Newt, who probably invented the term “activist judge,” also sued to get on the ballot in Virginia.

A headline brimming with karma:  Perry, Gingrich lose lawsuit to get on Virginia primary ballot.

Losers.

Thanks to Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen, who saw this coming a mile off, for the heads up.

Harold just scared the crap outta me.

What if Rick Perry comes home and decides to run for Senate?

No debates, no teevee or newspaper interviews, no gotcha questions about his own book.

Oh crap.

UPDATE:  Yet, there’s this.

After Perry left, walking by a mannequin wearing a Squat N’ Gobble t-shirt whose hand was raised above her head – a hand Perry tried to call on during a question-and-answer period.

So, there’s always hope he’ll walk into a wall.

Thanks to David for that heads-up.