… for showing you this.

100 Things You Can Say To Irritate A Republican

Print it out .  Carry it around with you.

Kary sent it to me with this comment, “In my experience, you get to # 9 or so, and their heads spin around and green pea soup spews from their mouths….as they try to reach for a gun,  whilst making the sign of the cross and/or reaching for their “Bible for Dummies”. It’s highly amusing for about 30 seconds.   Then time to order another drink and change bar stools.”

I told you last week about crazy Robert Morrow running ads looking for strippers who have done the wild thing with Rick Perry.

I, for one, am convinced that the ads are disinformation.  Team Perry nudged crazy Robert Morrow into running the full page ads so it will look like more insanity when true Perry honeys come forward.

I could be wrong.  But, I’m not.

Anyway, the Washington Post had a ball with the ads.

Go take a look.  Here’s a little preview —-

Remember how Rick Perry’s Hallelujahpalooza was not, absolutely not, are you listening to me?  NOT, a political event?

Yeah, right.

You know, no matter how cynical I get, I can’t keep up.

The organizer of The Response, the massive Aug. 6 prayer rally initiated by Gov. Rick Perry, is calling on attendees to help register millions of conservative Christians, prompting questions about the group and Perry’s claims the event was not political.

Don Wildmon, founder of the American Family Association, sent an email Thursday thanking recipients for registering for The Response, which drew thousands of people to Reliant Stadium.

“Today, I want to introduce you to Champion the Vote (CTV), a friend of AFA whose mission is to mobilize 5 million unregistered conservative Christians to register and vote according to the Biblical worldview in 2012,” Wildmon wrote.

It’s edging up but not touching a violation of campaign finance reporting laws.

You know, I think all these churches just ought to give up their tax-exempt status and just go ahead and become a political party.  I mean, that only seems fair to Sweet Jesus.  They could leave him out of it.  Maybe Sweet Jesus would start listening to them if their prayers didn’t start out, “Dear Hottest Endorser.”

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Here’s the front page of the Houston Chronicle today.  (Click the little one to see the big one.)

Drought Costs Farmers, Rancher $5.2 Billion.  And that’s not even counting busted water mains all over Houston and Dallas, house foundations cracking like a cement symphony across the state, and people croaking because they get too hot to sweat.

It is 102 degrees outside my door and that’s actual thermometer degrees, not liberal conspiracy wimpy heat index degrees.  However, that was the last time I checked.  I can’t go outside very often today because on top of the heat, we’re having an ozone alert.

And the last time we had rain was Noah’s flood.

But, take a look at the other side of that front page: Rick Perry does not believe that global warming is real.  No, sireeee.  That’s just more of that liberal hippie stuff that real scientists at Oral Roberts University have a grant from Shell Oil Company to disprove.

So what’s causing all this mess we got?  Maybe it was an Act of God, like the BP oil spill.

I understand that Rick is up where it is nice and cool in New Hampshire and even imported some hay from Texas so he could show off his boots.  I guess he didn’t think that Texas cows might need that hay.

I’m hot, Rick, and not just under the collar.

So could you kinda fess up that all your praying for rain didn’t work and that maybe Texas farmers and ranchers might need some federal help?  Else maybe we should park your worthless butt over in Paskel’s pasture to spend a few days with Elsie and Belle, trying to find shade and water.

By the way, Rick, here’s the forecast for ozone oozing Houston today.

The Texas Miracle is how we’re surviving in this damn weather.

The state legislature of Ohio is pondering on putting a bar in the basement of the state capitol.

Would I kid you about something this serious?

Can you even imagine how this would work in Texas?  I mean, gosh, they’re already armed so all we need is for them to get a little drunk.  The resulting shoot out might lead to good government.

If only we’d serve drinks at the state capitol…..

Now when Debbie Riddle sleeps in front of the door for three days to file the first anti-immigration bill, everyone will know she’s not hateful, just drunk.

Leo Berman?  Well hell, I’ve suspected he’s been drunk for 30 years anyway.

We’d finally understand where Paul Burka comes up with this stuff.

There would be an explanation for that goofy grin on Dwayne Bohac face other than the fact that his underwear is too tight.

If we could put a mirror behind the bar, Dan Patrick would never leave, which is a good thing.

Wayne Christian could start a throw beer nuts in the air and catch them in your mouth game instead of a culture war game.

Larry Phillips might pass out and shut the hell up while other people are talking.

Jeff Wentworth could stumble over to UT and try to drunk-text everybody he thinks is carrying a gun.

And we could watch Charlie Howard chin up to the bar because his belly won’t reach that high.

Several Republicans could open a booth volunteering to do free vaginal sonograms with the purchase of a six pack.

Go on … add to the list if you want.  It’s pretty much endless.

Thanks to Carol for the heads-up.