Archive for August, 2011

Oh Debbie, Riddle Me This

August 22, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Most of you remember Debbie Riddle, our State Representative who slept in the hallway of the State House for three days in order to be the first to file an anti-immigrant bill, but you could hire undocumented workers if they were part of your household staff.  And there was the terror babies and the starve the children thing.

Hairspray and Cobwebs

Debbie, with all her sanctimonious finger wagging, has come up with a scam that even the slimiest member of the Lege hasn’t tried yet.

The men and women who are inmates at the Texas Department of Corrections make stuff.  Gorgeous stuff.  They make the leather chairs used in the Lege and breath-taking leather goods.

Members of the Lege can purchase these things, but they cannot resell them.

But, Debbie Riddle figured out that she can give them away in exchange for a “donation.” Not a sell, mind you, but a donation to her political campaign.

Most folks say it doesn’t pass the smell test.  Hell, it doesn’t even pass the see or touch test.

Debbie is holding a fundraiser.

In her invitation, Riddle includes several “participation” levels: $1,000, $3,000, $5,000, $10,000, $15,000 and $20,000.

Each level of payment is awarded a corresponding gift, including the Capitol furniture produced by Texas prisoners. A color brochure with photographs of each gift was thoughtfully folded into the “Leadership Summit” invitation.

“Please note the donor gift items are exclusive and cannot be purchased on the open market,” Riddle advises. “The descriptions seem inadequate for most of these items, and you will find an enclosure with photographs to show their beauty.”

Juanita has read the Texas Ethics Commission code on what you can spend campaign fund on.  The answer:  damn near anything!  Hell, you can buy a car with those funds.

“Oh Good Lord, Woman!” Juanita shouts toward East Texas, “Don’t you ever wag your church lady finger in my face again.  Donation, my sweet patootie!  You’re selling it to make money that you can spend, you money slut.”

Republicans can find a loophole in the Ten Commandments and the Law of Gravity.

Thank you, Deregulation

August 22, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Rick Perry and his cronies talked the gullible in Texas into deregulating electricity.

“You’ll save like maybe a million dollars with competition,” they told us.  “Your electricity will be brighter and more cheerful,” they said.

Instead, power supply has fallen into disrepair, and the consumer hasn’t saved a dime.  It took my Momma two weeks to get power after the last hurricane.  Hell, they got power into third world countries quicker than that.

Now we’re told that back-to-school day may cause the grid to fail …. again.

Yeah, you folks from foreign states:  Elect Rick Perry and your child will be able to study by candlelight, just like Abe Lincoln.

Oh Please, Please, Please

August 22, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

They say it might happen.  They say that Sarah Palin might enter the race.

She sees Rick Perry come flying out of the chute like double geared lightening and then crash head and feet first into the restraining wall.  It was terribly exciting the whole 12 seconds it lasted.

And Michele Bachmann’s “cured” gay husband has a better than average chance of relapsing with all those hunky Marine guards around the White House.

Mitt Romney is Morman.  Republicans think that if Mormans didn’t want to be confused with Muslims, they would have named themselves something else, like maybe … I dunno, Presbyterians.

The way Juanita figures it is, “Well, that whole Vice Presidential candidate going rogue thing didn’t work out too well and will certainly keep her off the second spot this time around.  So it’s go for broke or go home.  And we all know how much Sarah dislikes home.”

Juanita has a point.  We could get very lucky with Sarah entering the race.

If You’re In The Big City Tomorrow Night

August 21, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


I am going to pretend to be a blogger, and we’ll see how that works.  The meeting is open to the public and they’ll probably let you in.

I am a member of two Texas Democratic Women’s Groups – Coaster Bend and Southwest Suburban – so we might make it three if they let me join.

I don’t know what to make of the “Chicks Dig Bloggers” comment, but chicks are my favorite gender.  No offense to Bubba, Bubba Jr. or Little Bubba.

Ha! I Told You So!

August 21, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Every hurricane season around here at The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc., E. Claire and I tell you what we do do when we hear the first hint of a hurricane in the Gulf of Mexico.  We go buy a couple gallons of Blue Bell ice cream.

That way, when the power goes out, and it will, we are forced to eat all that Blue Bell before it melts.  Forced, I tell you.

My personal favorite is Homemade Vanilla with Peaches, but it’s seasonal, so Homemade Vanilla  is my usual choice.  You can fancy it up with pecans, a few chocolate chips, some fresh strawberries, or bananas, but it stands on its own powerfully tall.

The editors of Bon Appetit magazine know their ice cream.

Thanks to Mike for the heads-up.

The Faster They Rise, The Sillier They Look While Falling

August 21, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

It has been said that Rick Perry has never knowingly been rude to anyone, but that’s not saying much because he never does much of anything knowingly.

Rick Perry has been so pampered by the lazy Texas press, especially Paul Burka of Texas Monthly, that he truly came to believe that the press all over America was incapable of doing a little research.  The Texas press would rail against him for refusing to interview with them, because that’s easy pickin’s.  Perry, even with a double digit IQ, was smart enough to know that an eye-rolling refusal to speak to newspaper editors is high on everybody’s bucket’s list.  He was applauded for it. Hell, I’d love to do that myself and then stand back and watch them make themselves look self-important and arrogant.

Perry came busting out of the chute, making all the noise of a restless mule in a tin barn, saying that with a prayer meeting and just a little help from Jesus, he could walk on water.

And, I’ll be damned, somebody had the nerve to question him.

You’ve heard most of …. his investments in pornography, his remarkably handy economic development slush fund, that he used federal stimulus money to keep Texas afloat, and the simple fact that he turned Texas from the Great State to the …. Hey, We’re Slightly Better Than Mississippi State in every imaginable social, educational, and economic measure.

We have known for some time that Rick Perry’s limits are limitless.  It’s gonna be fun watching him shoot of his mouth for another week or two before it becomes very obvious that the only political future he has is selling reverse mortgages on teevee.

I was at a Democrat function yesterday and some folks there were plenty excited.  They see this national attention on Perry hurting him in Texas, too.  For the most part, Texans hate folks who embarrass us in public.  And by “in public,” I mean in foreign states.  George W. Bush couldn’t get elected hide inspector in Texas anymore.  It’s one thing to make a fool of yourself in Waco or Abilene or Lufkin,  in fact it’s kinda expected, but when you make a fool of yourself  on national news, we don’t like it.

It would be nice to think that Rick Perry finally bit off more than he can chew and spit out.  I imagine that’s the only thing that Karl Rove and I have in common.

Rick Perry is eating the lunch he cooked for himself.