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I guess you’ve heard that Rick Perry went on Fox News and called himself a prophet.

No, Dude, a Magic 8 Ball, a rabbit’s foot, and a  pre-owned Ouija board that Kay Bailey Hutchison never took out of the box does not make you a prophet.

Now you guys hush and quit making fun of Rick.  He thinks he’s the King of Texas.

If I could get close enough to stick a pin in his ego, that poor son of goat would fly around the state backwards for a full week.

Matthew 7:15  Look it up

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Minnesota Republican Representative Rep. Tom Hackbarth got a letter from from one of his constituents asking him to “chose to ask the most fortunate among us to pay their fair share or you could inflict severe pain on the middle-class and vulnerable Minnesotans.”

Hackbarth floored it in neutral, busted his bloomers, reved up his engines, and replied —

Tom de Torquemada

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing from folks? All similar letters to yours.

“Are you a Union member? If so, are they the communist giving you this propaganda?

“Do you know the who, what, when, where, why, and how, of Fidel Castro?

“Hitler rose to power using and blaming the jews for the destruction of the German economy. Castro built his army of murderers by blaming the rich bankers and capitalist for destroying Cuba and taking advantage of the Cuban people.

“Hummmmm?

“Representative Hackbarth.”

I do believe he hit the Big Three there:  Commies, Hitler, and Castro.  I suspect Stalin is covered under the commie title, but I cannot believe he forgot Vlad the Impaler.

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I checked headlines at both CNN and MSNBC this morning.   It must be a sad time in the news business.

MSNBC headlined WHO?

CNN headlined WHAT?

Sorry, but I can’t bring myself to go to Fox News.

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Juanita and the gang watched the Republican Presidential debate last night.

She was deeply disappointed that John King did not ask, “Okay, show of hands, who’s packing heat tonight?”

Juanita says she was a tad unnerved that Newt Gingrich has apparently stolen his wife’s hairdo.  “That’s not a do,” she says, “it’s a fascinator.  You could have won the hat prize at the royal wedding with the Gingrich duo hair.”

Thelma called it The Koch Brothers American Idol.

We all still think that only two of them are actually running for President – the rest just want attention real bad.

And if they have another debate without asking every audience member for proof of citizenship, a handgun license, and a baptismal certificate, we’re calling them hypocrites.

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Sometimes you just need to take the bridle off, throw away the skillet, and let the panther scream.

It’s time.

Remember the time we all piled onto a bus, drove to an entirely different district, fraudulently gave our home addresses as the local Dunkin’ Donuts shop, and then proceeded to vote a godless gay activist into office? Neither do I.

But Florida state Rep. Dennis Baxley (R.-but you already knew that) claims he does. Baxley is sponsoring a bill to make it harder for people (especially those most likely of the Democratic persuasion) to vote. Among his motivations—besides upholding Florida’s fine reputation for voting integrity—is to prevent a repeat of a story that Baxley claims he heard.

In Baxley’s anecdotal universe, “a homosexual activist candidate” imported other gay people from outside the district and had them use the address of Dunkin’ Donuts shop when they showed up to vote because the state allows change of address at the polling place. The upshot: they stole the election from the “pro-family” candidate.

We’re not saying we doubt the story (well, alright, we are), but Dunkin’ Donuts???? When is the last time you saw a gay person at a Dunkin’ Donuts? Is there a W Hotel Bar in Baxley’s district by any chance? You’d think Starbucks would be the bare minimum for this kind of gay vote stealing conspiracy.

That is the perfect story.

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I bet you don’t know the real reason for Anthony Weiner’s behavior, do you?

Big government.  And,  Obamacare.

You knew this was coming, didn’t you?

Seriously, her name is Star Parker and somebody gave her a platform over at GOPUSA.

It would be nice to think that power in our nation is held by omniscient, God-fearing men and women, whose priority was the pursuit of truth and the good.

But, even the most idealistic among us understand this is not realistic and that our only possible protection from the many Anthony Weiners is limiting the power of government.

And we should not feel bad for his wife because she deserved this.  She did, after all, work for Hillary Clinton.  And besides, “Huma was also comfortable having her wedding ceremony officiated by the serial sleaze par excellence, Bill Clinton.”

Nothing like this would ever happen to a Republican woman.  You know, like Mrs. Vitter, Mrs. Sanford, Mrs. Ensign …..

Star defied both gravity and sanity in one short article by contending that Obamacare, regulation, big government, and popular democracy made Anthony Weiner do it.  I’m a little disappointed that she left out tax cuts for the rich.  I mean, if she was going for The Big Crazy, she should have worked that in.

“Hell, even I can do that,” Juanita smirks.  “If you stop the Bush tax cuts, nobody will be able to afford cell phones and this stuff wouldn’t happen.”

See, it’s easy.