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Watching Rick Santorum try to be charismatic and intelligent is like watching someone  try to pole vault with a pitchfork.

“I don’t suspect much will come of Santorum’s Presidential attempt, but we have been lacking in male entertainment since Donald Trump left the race,” Juanita says with a grin.  “So, there is an upside to all this.”

“Bless his heart, he’s so narrow minded that his ears rub together,” she continues.

“I amazed at his love of guns and the “pre-born”, but hate of the post-born, women, gays, immigrants, science of any sort, non-Christians, heath care, and … oh gosh, I’m out of breath,” she says.

Welcome to the circus, Rick.

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It happened like this.

A Florida couple gets a letter from Bank of America saying that they are foreclosing on their home.

Only problem is, the Florida couple own their home outright and Skank Bank of America is not owed one dime.  The couple try to no avail to explain this to …. oh hell, I’m gonna say it, Skank of America.   But, Skank of America will stop at nothing to own every home in America.

So, the couple hire a lawyer and go to court.  They, of course, win.  The judge orders the bank to pay the couple’s attorneys fee and court costs.

Bank of America, of course, doesn’t pay.

Now it gets fun.

After more than 5 months of the judge’s ruling, the bank still hadn’t paid the legal fees, and the homeowner’s attorney did exactly what the bank tried to do to the homeowners. He seized the bank’s assets.

“They’ve ignored our calls, ignored our letters, legally this is the next step to get my clients compensated, ” attorney Todd Allen told CBS.

Sheriff’s deputies, movers, and the Nyergers’ attorney went to the bank and foreclosed on it. The attorney gave instructions to to remove desks, computers, copiers, filing cabinets and any cash in the teller’s drawers.

After about an hour of being locked out of the bank, the bank manager handed the attorney a check for the legal fees.

Sweet.  Very sweet.

Thanks to Mah Fellow Murkuhn for the heads-up.

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Thomas swears this is just outside of Denton, Texas   ….

… but I’ve got my doubts.

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This is a local story, but it’s gotta be happening all over the country because my county can’t be holding the patent on crap.

I hate Republicans.  Sweet Jesus, forgive me, but I just hate them.  This is way beyond disliking or disagreeing with.  This is full-blown, red-faced, butt-kicking, I-would-not-pee-down-their throats-if-their-heart-was-on-fire hate.  This is boiling, skin-crawling, pins in voodoo dolls hate.

Best I can tell, I came by this naturally.

So, we’ve talked about this before.  It’s about the Sugar Land Klan sending an illegal (and I want you to remember that word because it becomes very important in just a minute) anonymous hate-piece in a non-partisan city council race where two Republicans are running against each other.  One of them is a Muslim female, who has been in this country since childhood.

Although she has served on boards and commissions for the city, and is herself a Republican, all of a sudden she became Al Qaeda’s centerfold of the month.  Republicans began to swoon, and were asking her as to her whereabouts on 911 and the Kennedy assassination.  No, wait, I take that back.  They don’t care about Kennedy.

The anonymous, illegal hate mail piece came out a week ago.  I posted it here before.  But, it began before then when the Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club attacked her.

Rick Miller: Thug

Now, there’s a guy you need to know about.  His name is Rick Miller and he’s Chairman of the Fort Bend County Republican Party.  He’s also a thug.  (So, sue me, Rick.)  A real thug.  He led an attack by a group of Tom DeLay slugs on a peaceful press conference where they hit an elderly woman in the face and blew air horns in the ears of small children.  I have pictures.  Thugs,  total thugs.

So, when this anonymous, illegal mailer went out about Farha Ahmed, Rick Miller, in officially licensed thug fashion, said nothing.  Two Republican elected officials, Dianne Wilson and John Healey, came forward to denounce it.  Two.

In a county where every countywide office is held by a Republican, only two stepped forward.  And, if you’re keeping count, Rick Miller is not one of them.

Steve Brown, Democrat

So, Steve Brown, being a young man who knows something of anonymous attacks in the dark and fear mongering, stepped forward as Chairman of the Fort Bend Democratic Party and issued a statement abhorring the cowardly way Ms. Ahmed was being attacked.  And said that this illegal activity must stop.

Well, that certainly got Rick Miller’s attention, but not in the way you would hope.  Miller then suavely attacked Steve Brown and the Democrats as also being Al Qaeda sympathizers.  No, I am not kidding.

Steve Brown, Fort Bend Democratic Party chairman, said he’s concerned the flier will not only poison the runoff, but also negatively impact future political races in Sugar Land.

“We’re really in need of more Muslim and Asian candidates to run and to take leadership positions, and so my concern is something like this will discourage a Muslim or someone from Southeast Asian background from running for public office because they’re afraid something like this will pop up in the election,” he said.

But county GOP Chairman Rick Miller said there must be more to the story. In an email to the Chronicle, he said he found Brown’s statement interesting because “the Democrats would not normally play in a nonpartisan race between two Republicans.”

Miller said voters should look into the allegations on the flier before they make their own decisions about how to vote.

You did notice that Miller did not say one thing about the mailer being illegal, right?  And you also noticed that Miller would not talk to the reporter, but only sent an email.  And only attacked Steve Brown, who was just trying to stand up for somebody being picked on even if he doesn’t agree with them.

Now, I know this story is getting longer than Texas / Oklahoma border, but I can’t figure a shorter way to tell it.  The good news is that we’re getting close to the end.

Okay, so even a bonehead like Rick Miller knows when he’s made a damfool of himself, so then Miller sends out another email to his Republican flock.  Now, you don’t have to read this whole thing, but I’m providing the whole thing just in case you’re bored and wanna hate Republicans.

“Whether the campaign flier containing accusations that Ms. Ahmed in the District 4 race has ties to a terrorist should be deemed “hateful,” is merely a question of its veracity. If the statements are true, they are condemning but they would certainly be of interest to every person wishing to cast an informed vote in this election. Therefore, that should be the only time, attention and press given to this issue. “Is the information true?” I would assume that would be the ultimate question the Chronicle would be seeking to have answered as well.

The information presented on the flyer, which is available at the website referenced on it as well as on the ACT for America Houston website, is something that I have looked at and would encourage everyone to review to make their own decision.

Lastly, I do not condone negative campaigning and I have no idea who is responsible for it, but I do encourage and expect honest debate and responses from all Republican candidates.”

Where the hell does Rick Miller get off talking about honest debate when he’s telling people to pay attention to an illegal mailer.  It breaks state law.  You cannot spend more than $500 on a mailer without reporting it to the Texas Ethics Commission.  This mail surely cost far more than $500.

You know what?   I’m of a mind to Photoshop a few pictures of Rick Miller having carnal knowledge of some goats and throw them up on an anonymous website.  I know it ain’t true, but, by gawd, I wanna see the idiot deny it.

Rumor has it that Rick Miller is going to run for County Clerk when Dianne Wilson retires.  I’m starting the Rick Miller Goat Herding Alliance PAC next week.  Would you trust this man with county property records?

Next comes her opponent, who has said nothing publicly but did send an email to his supporters saying, “Recently, there was an anonymous mailer about my opponent. I have no knowledge as to who is behind this mailer, and I do not condone it. Rest assure that my campaign had nothing to do with it directly or indirectly.”

He does not condone it?  That’s the best he can do?

And how about Farha Ahmed herself?  She ought to be screaming from the courthouse steps that this brand of illegal, immoral, and hate-filled politics is why minorities and women have no place in the Republican Party.  But, she’s not.  Honey, if she won’t stand up and fight for herself, she won’t stand up for you once she’s elected.

And, as Thelma says, “if she’s a Muslim and a Republican, she gets exactly what she deserves.”

So, if you live in Sugar Land, go write-in Thelma Lucille Frontage for city council.  She’ll punch some noses.

And I don’t know who did this illegal, immoral and ignorant mailer, but I think if discovered the punishment should be that he has to resign as chairman of the Fort Bend County Republican Party.

I just hate ’em.  Lord help me, I do.  I’m gonna pray on it.  But, Sweet Jesus overturned the money changers in the temple so I don’t think he’s gonna be a whole lotta help here.

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I was among the first people to get to hear General Ricardo Sanchez speak.  This will bore the socks off people from foreign states but for the Democrats here who haven’t heard him, I’ve decided to talk honestly about it.

General Sanchez is Ben Barnes and Patty Murray’s choice for Democratic Senator from Texas.  Sanchez spoke to a group of State Democratic Executive Committee folks, county chairs, and hardcore activists at the South Texas Summit in San Antonio this weekend.

I will say this:  having seen some of Ben Barnes other choices for public office, I was pleasantly surprised with General Sanchez.  He appears to be a real Democrat.  He’s also a pretty smart guy.

He’s a nice looking fella (I’ll have pictures later) and dressed perfectly for this group – studied casual.  His answer to the first question – Are you pro-choice? – knocked it out of the ballpark.  He said that he had spent his entire life “fighting to give people the right to make decisions on their own.”  He said he is a man of faith, a Catholic, but that he would never use his religious beliefs to force a decision on someone else.  “Freedom is about the ability to make your own decisions.”  That’s a double in the bottom on the 9th with two men on base.

He tripped when asked if he would campaign with Barack Obama or run from him.  He sidestepped the question and continually used the word “non-partisan.”  It came back to bite him on the butt.  When Democrats hear non-partisan, they hear “give into Republicans.”  An elderly gentleman who is the former county judge in Bexar county, gently schooled Sanchez on Democratic ideals right there.  It was a thing of beauty. “Republicans,” said the former county judge, “put profits over people and financial institutions over families.”  I hope Sanchez remember that.

The rest of the way was smooth sailing.  He supports The Dream Act and told an emotional story about serving with men and women who earned the right of citizenship.  He did well with the immigration question by reminding  us that he had been tasked with securing the borders of two counties.  He explained it had to be an multi-pronged approached.

He wants to mobilize the Democratic base who he says are teachers, minorities, the working class, the elderly … for this election.  When asked about the EPA he said, “As Christians, we have a duty to protect the environment.”

He’s the son of single mother who was on welfare.

It appeared that General Sanchez was willing to take questions from the floor but Charlie Jones (SDEC for Texas Democratic Veterans) was hosting and insisted question had to be written.  Jones tossed questions about Abu Ghraib or if Sanchez had ever voted Republican.  That’s a shame because Sanchez will be asked those questions.

I have a few suggestions for whoever is working with him to take this show on the road.

1.  Take his watch away from him.  He doesn’t need a watch and he certainly doesn’t need to look at it every two minutes.  I know that’s military training, but it makes the audience think they are boring him or that something else is more important.

2.  Tell him to quit calling everyone “sir” or “ma’am.”  I understand that’s going to be hard but Wesley Clark learned to do it.  Calling a woman “ma’am” makes her feel old, and I sure don’t need him reminding me.

3.  Toss the non-partisan talk.  Forget the word.  Say, “As a military man I have learned to work well with others.  I will not back down from a fight when it’s about principles, but I can also lead people to come together.”

4.  His “Let me tell you who I am” introduction is good.  He needs a closer.  His last words were to abruptly say thank you and head for the door.

I left feeling better about him that when I came.  I suspect that’s a victory.

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I was totally unavailable for Sarah Palin’s history lesson.

That just doesn’t seem fair.  I get busy and Sarah says something so asinine that Momma even says that I can use the work asinine even though it sounds dirty.

“He who warned, uh, the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms, uh, by ringing those bells, and um, makin’ sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed.”

Please allow me to join with the lamestream media in saying, “Holy Cow!”

Anybody know what’s the deal with the bells?  Was Paul Revere hitching a ride on the ice cream truck?

Okay, I know you’ve been waiting … go comment!