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As most of you know, Governor Rick Perry asked all Texans to pray for rain a couple of weeks ago.  Now look, I’m not naming any names, but apparently, somebody’s not following directions because we have not had one single drop of rain since The Rev. Gov. Perry has started this revival.  I’m not saying it’s you.  I’m just saying that somebody sitting where you’re sitting ain’t holding up their end of this deal.

And I do take small comfort that it ain’t working most everywhere.  In California, they tried praying away crime.

Pray For Newark claims amazing results as its Christian volunteers “prayer walk” the Newark city streets, seeking to pray down crime. As shown in the slickly-produced video (featured in this story) from Harvest Evangelism, the ministry credited with launching the Newark effort, by 2010 the effort had 100% coverage in the city, at least one prayer-walker per city street (Newark has over 1,000 streets) and exults that consequently, by March 2010, Newark had its first murder-free month since 1966.

Then, in late 2010, after a cost-cutting proposal led to a showdown with the local police union, Newark Mayor Corey Booker fired 167 city police officers. The results are unsurprising. By mid 2011, reports CBS, murders were up 71%, shootings up 29%, and auto theft up 39%. The magical results of Pray For Newark’s prayer-based crime fighting effort seemed to suddenly evaporate.

It appears that prayer only works if you’re willing to back it up with a whole mess of cops.

Now either somebody ain’t praying or somebody ain’t listening.  I don’t want to point any fingers at the Big Rainmaker in The Sky, but heads-up, Big Guy!

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Juanita notes with a little glee that Donald Trump is whistling a new tune this morning.

“I want to personally congratulate President Obama and the men and women of the Armed Forces for a job well done,” Trump said in a statement, NewsMax reports.

“Donald, Honey,” she grins, “I imagine a little kissing up is certainly in order.  You know, since the President is carrying your pecker in his pocket now.”

Juanita also smirked a little this morning because last week Newt Gingrich was saying that he was going to announce his candidacy for President sometime this week.

Less than two weeks ago, the former House Speaker, who is currently officially unofficially exploring a 2012 run, said he would decide by May 1 whether he’ll run for the White House.

“Newt, however, has decided to postpone his announcement to a week when the President isn’t being King of the Damn Hill,” Juanita reports.

We all suspect he’s gonna have a long wait.

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You wanna how you know the Huffington Post has jumped the shark, degraded into gravel, and become about as worthless as half a haircut?

This was on the front page this morning:

I don’t know about you, but I am hesitant to form my opinion about world events until I hear from Amber Rose, Lady Gaga, Lindsay Lohan, and at least one of the Kardashians.

And we wonder why people think People Magazine is news?

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“Oh Michelle, Girl, get a dipstick because you’re about a quart low on estrogen,” Juanita pleads.

Rep. Michele Bachmann invoked the Holocaust Saturday morning as she described the tax burden that America’s next generation will face unless action is taken to reduce federal spending and the national debt.

“Oh yeah,” Juanita holds out both hands to measure weight, “killing 7 million Jews on one hand, fairly taxing the rich on the other. Yes! Now I see how they are just alike.” Sarcasm is just one of the free friendly services offered at the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.

Later on, Michelle gets on a roll and says —

Comparing the fiscal situation to the film “Thelma and Louise,” Bachmann said the United States was “going over the cliff right now.”

“Yesterday must have been a National Sillyass Metaphor of The Day celebration in Michelle’s head,” Juanita suspects.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads-up.

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Juanita thought it was amusing when Governor Rick Perry, after hating Washington DeeCee so much that he wanted to secede from the union, stood asking “where’s my money, Mr. President, huh? Huh?”

And now she finds out that those Republican Wisconsin State Senators hatin’ on DeeCee had their hats in their hands, too.

At least three of the Wisconsin state Senate Republicans currently demanding that public workers sacrifice benefits, wages and even collective bargaining rights for the sake of the budget have applied for and received hundreds of thousands of dollars in federal farm subsidies, a Huffington Post review of state and federal records shows.

From 1995 through 2009, state Sens. Luther Olsen, Dale Schultz and Sheila Harsdorf all had stakes in farms that received between them more than $300,000 in taxpayer funds.

“Oh Lord, if you have time today, please go about making hypocrisy painful.  It’d help us a lot down here,” Juanita asks humbly.

Thanks to Carl for the heads-up.