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Okay, so the Texas Governor mandated Pray for Rain law didn’t get (1) any rain, or (2) much respect.

But, Congressvarmint Randy Neugebauer, of the Yachting Neugebauer fame, is going to try it anyway.  Mainly because respect apparently isn’t on his Bucket List.

An email circulated by the office of Rep. Randy Neugebauer (R-Tex.) and obtained by The Huffington Post asked lawmakers to co-sponsor H. Res 254, a straightforward measure encouraging Congress and the American public to pray for the victims of the recent disasters in the United States.

And it went like this —

Many communities have been devastated by these disasters, but have maintained a spirit of resiliency, hope, and faith. It is only appropriate that Congress and the American people come together in prayer for the victims of the disasters and their families, and for the fair weather conditions that these regions desperately need.

So, they won’t be getting any money or loans or food or clothing, but we’ll pray for them.  And it will come like manna from the heavens, which beats the hell out of disaster relief coming from the government.

I wouldn’t expect any help from Randy personally either.  He spent all his campaign funds on a damn yacht.  And he lives in West Texas where there’s not any water.  Literally.  No water.  If you live in West Texas, you have to go to the Stop N Go and buy dehydrated water.  That’s the best you’re gonna get.

So, if you’ve been in a disaster, you might call Randy Neugebauer and holler at him.

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Well,  Ben Barnes and Patty Murray have made their decision.

Sanchez

Former Lt. Gen. Ricardo Sanchez, who oversaw coalition forces in Iraq before retiring in the aftermath of the Abu Ghraib prison abuse scandal, is running for Senate in Texas as a Democrat.

Sanchez announced the decision on his Facebook page on Wednesday and will file campaign paperwork in San Antonio. Sanchez said he could “think of no better way to continue my public service” than to run for Senate in Texas.

This is great news for Democrats in Texas.  We are relieved of the pesky problem of looking for a qualified candidate for senate.  It’s been decided for us, and it’s a guy named Sanchez.  Now, wasn’t that easy?

We will be told that if we don’t vote for Sanchez in the primary, we won’t get any money from the national party and we’ll spend the entire election season as the Democratic ATM machine, with money flowing out of Texas and none, once again, coming back.  We’ll basically be extorted into supporting their candidate.

Sanchez may be a great guy.  I don’t know anything about him, other than the first two words after his name anywhere are Abu Ghraib, and those are not words I want to be reminded of every day. I have no idea where he stands on any issues.  None.  Not even a clue.

He’s not my first choice.  Lt. Col. Rick Noriega, who has never been popular with the centrist money boys but still raised $6 million on his own, is my first choice.  But, Rick will be asked to stand down and he probably will because he’s a good soldier.

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Karma is a witch.

And that’s the truth.

House Republicans admit they won in 2010 because they scared the ever-livin’ crapola out of people over social security and Medicare.  They hung Democrats out to dry over $500 billion in cuts to Medicare, which went mainly to private insurers for over-payments.

And now they want to turn the tables and take a mulligan.

Nearly a dozen House Republican freshmen held a press conference outside the Capitol Tuesday morning to “wipe the slate clean,” and “hit the reset button.”

The Republicans held a press conference to tout a letter they sent to President Obama.

“We ask that you stand above partisanship, condemn the disingenuous attacks and work with this Congress to reform spending on entitlement programs,” the letter reads.

To preempt the press conference, the DCCC responded to the letter with a long list of NRCC and candidate attack ads and statements from the 2010 election — all of them targeting Democrats for cutting Medicare, all on behalf of GOP candidates who are now hoping for a truce on Medicare attacks.

So now that they want to truly and harmfully cut Medicare, they want to be born again virgins over attack ads.

They want us to forgive and forget?

Oh no.  Not this hacked-off chick with absolutely no long term memory problems.

One other thing:  in that 4 page letter they sent the President, they ask him to condemn any “disingenuous attacks” on them.  Oh, I get it!  You mean like if someone says they’re Muslims or weren’t born in this country or they’re a socialist …..

Yeah, I get it.

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I’ve warned you before but I suspect that most of you have forgotten.

Well, don’t forget.  May 21st is Judgment Day.  Oh hush, now.  It most certainly is.

These signs, in English and Spanish because apparently Jesus does in fact love ALL the little children of the world, are all over my little town.  These people have spent a fortune on advertising.

So, just in case you’re looking for me on May 20th, I’ll be in the ice cream aisle at Kroger with a spoon in one hand and a smoke in the other.  If anybody’s got a better plan, let me know.

UPDATED:  you might want to make reservations for your pet. It’s a hoot that you have to pay upfront.  Why didn’t we think of this?

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As you’ve heard Newt Gingrich, a man never elected to anything outside of his small congressional district in Georgia, is going to announce he’s running for President.  Of America.  On Wednesday.  That’s tomorrow.

No shoot, huh?

He’s already being taunted ….

Gingrich Run Reflects His Sense of History

By MATT BAI

Whatever can Newt Gingrich be thinking?

And that’s the New York Times.  Imagine what Jon Stewart is going to do!

My buddy Harold has already started.

As the Times points out, Newt is 68 years old and all anybody remembers about him is that he got Bill Clinton impeached.  That’s not gonna make him the darlin’ of young people, of Hispanics, or Black people, or old people, or, hell, if you want to know the truth, even the Tea Party doesn’t like him.

I have a friend named Suzy Allison who is a hoot.  She sent me an email this morning saying, “The next edition of the unabridged dictionary will have Newt’s picture illustrating the word grandiose.  You can look it up.”

At the very least I think we’re gonna have to raise the high bar on “Delusions of Grandeur” a peg or two.

Newt: what a gift his guy is gonna be!

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The Republican men and women of the Texas Lege believe that elected officials officials in Texas are in more danger than you and me.

AUSTIN (AP) – Texas senators have voted to allow legislators and statewide elected officials who are concealed handgun license holders to carry their weapons into places the rest of the public is not.

The bill by Sen. Dan Patrick, a Houston Republican, would let lawmakers carry their concealed handguns into bars, churches, sporting events and businesses.

“I have seen some of the crap that elected officials have done and they might be right,” Juanita says.  “But I’m pondering on why they get to carry guns in church, honky tonks, and Palais Royale where I might be shoppin’.”

“I do not know about you, but I wouldn’t trust Leo Berman with a handun when he’s cold stone sober, and I sure the hell don’t trust him with one when he’s drunk or all raptured-up speaking in tongues over the East Texas Piney Woods Baptist Church of Jeeeesus Christ and the Holy Ghost,” she grimaces.  “He’s liable to shoot the Jesus statue on the cross for lookin’ crosswise at him.  For Pete’s sake, Leo sees things that aren’t there and you’re gonna give him a gun?”

“Honey, I think that as a whole, elected officials in Texas are an organized criminal enterprise all their own and I don’t think arming them is a good idea,” she suspects.

“I just wanna add one thing,” she says, “more abortions doctors have been killed than Texas elected officials.  And that ain’t comin’ from our side of the aisle, buddy.”

“So Ole Dan Patrick better try to grow a bigger winkie instead of feeling the need to tote a handgun everydamnwhere he goes,”  she suggests.

“You know he’s just one chubby white boy comment from going postal anyway.  I’ve see that man legislate powerfully sloppy.  I sure the hell don’t want to see him shoot.”