Archive for May, 2011

Meanwhile, Back in Sugar Land

May 16, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

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Our customer Ralph just sent us information that the fourth amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America has been overturned in Indiana.

Overturning a common law dating back to the English Magna Carta of 1215, the Indiana Supreme Court ruled Thursday that Hoosiers have no right to resist unlawful police entry into their homes.

In a 3-2 decision, Justice Steven David writing for the court said if a police officer wants to enter a home for any reason or no reason at all, a homeowner cannot do anything to block the officer’s entry.

So, at least in Indiana, the conservatives on the court say that cops can come into your house “for no reason at all,” check out your personal belongings, and probably even lay down in your beds to see which one is too soft, which one is too hard, and which one is just right.

The conservative judges said that if a cop enters your home illegally, you can still make bail and and still have “plenty of opportunities to protest the illegal entry through the court system.”  The court has obviously not checked the price of a lawyer lately.  Proving your innocence seems a tad … oh, I dunno, odd?

Meanwhile, back in Sugar Land, Texas, where rich white people are under attack  —

Do you know what poses an even greater risk than allowing armed police to enter your home and stay as long as they’d like whenever they like, and probably even drink your beer and eat your Doritos?

Sharia Law!  In Sugar Land!  Yikes!  Yikes!  Yikes!

Sugar Land had an election last weekend for city council and school board.  The big issue?  Sharia law.  It seems that a bank opened in Sugar Land to cater to the large Muslim population.

The Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club held a debate and Sharia law headlined the event, literally.

A member of the audience posed a specific question to Farha Ahmed, again citing the Sharia Law.

An Islamic bank, under Sharia law, recently opened in Sugar Land and Ahmed was among those present. She was asked to explain about the bank and her presence there.

Ahmed said it was a community event attended by several local members, including the mayor of Sugar Land.

Ahmed said the bank was established by a group of people from a particular region of India. That community brought its culture and custom in banking from home and established the bank for its members, to help advance capital for projects without collateral.

Cynthia Dunbar: Belles of Heaven Republican Women's Club

Yep, freedom of assembly and capitalism are shameless unAmerican activities in Sugar Land.

You know, the more I think about it, I cannot understand why the Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club would be against Sharia law.  Sharia law supports forced religion, women as second class citizens, no drinking or gambling, and the death penalty for homosexuality.  Gee, all that is in the by-laws of the Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club!

Farha Ahmed is in a run-off for a city council seat.  I’m sending her a couple of dollars, just to  hack-off the Belles.  Besides, she’s a really nice chick with a lot on the ball.

The Daily Newt

May 15, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

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Bubba’s Mail

May 15, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

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Bubba might have a stalker.

Actually, I’m a tad jealous.  Every time Barack Obama does something wonderful, Bubba gets an anonymous letter from some guy.  We suspect it’s a guy, because  he somehow manages to get in some raunchy pictures in every letter he sends.  However, it could be a conservative lesbian.  I’m just not counting on that.  That’s not a real deep pond to fish in.

So, as soon as Mr. Rushette (our name for him because on our playground we imagine him to look like Rush, except older and meaner) heard about Obama whacking Osama, he went crazy.  We think his printer must have been down because his letter just got here yesterday, which is a little slower than usual.

It looked like this —

First I need to tell you that Mr. Rushette does use a return address.  It is 4703 Fannin in Houston.  Here’s what’s there.

Now, I do not know if Google caught him standing in front of his castle, there.  That might be him.  And I can certainly see what a guy living in a storage container would be conservative.  On the upside, at least he can’t holler at the neighborhood kids to stay off his grass.

This letter contained all manner of rambling and somehow that Democrats want to buy women big breasts, and, of course, Bubba couldn’t think of one single argument against that.

There was a full size color picture of Dubya, suitable for framing,  saying “Vindication:  When the loudest critic of your policies achieves his greatest success because of them.”  He ruined the whole framing capability by writing on it, “You know it is the truth.”

There was an assortment of print outs from the Internet machine and “typical Democrat” written on a restaurant order in Michigan.

Now, Bubba and I have a bet.  Bubba says this guy only does this to him because he’s so damn special.  I think this guy sends out a mess of these every time President Obama accomplishes something that Bush could not do.

So …. if you or anyone you know gets one of these from Mr. Rushette, please let me know.

And if you don’t, I am very sorry because it is way cool to piss off the crazies.

Ring. Ring. General MacArthur, Harry Truman On Line 1

May 14, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

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Well, apparently Texas Republican Governor Rick Perry does not know about bringing the mountain to Mohamed. You can add that to the long list of things he does not know.

Last week, President of the Entire United States of America Barack Obama was in El Paso, Texas.  Meanwhile Rick Perry was on a motorcycle trip with one on his friends.  I do not know if they were hiking the Appalachian Trail.  And, frankly, I don’t want to know.

It seems that Rick Perry was peeved at the President of the Entire United States of America Barack Obama for not giving Texas more of that nasty evil horrible socialist federal disaster money.  So, Rick Perry did the logical thing – he went on Fox News and whined.  Well, to be honest, it was on the Laura Ingraham show where whining is the mood du jour every damn day, so in Rick’s defense, I think it might have been required.

Anyway, President Barack Obama had asked Rick to join him in El Paso.

Regarding not meeting the President when he flew from El Paso to Austin, Perry indicated he was put off that Obama would not fly over the wildfire damage with him. He said when he’d asked for a meeting to discuss concerns, he was told that time could be arranged only when Obama was in El Paso and that the governor would need to fly and meet the president there.

And then he added —-

Perry said he didn’t have time to fly up to El Paso for a handshake. (Actually, the San Antonio Express-News got the gov’s office to fess up that Perry at the time was riding motorcycles with friend and advisor Jay Kimbrough.)

But Perry told Ingraham, “If he wanted to meet – I was in Austin. I would have been here.”

I would like to remind Governor Easy Rider that El Paso is in Texas, and Barack Obama is the Damn President of the United States of America.

The Daily Newt

May 14, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

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Oh, Dude.

Gingrich also blasted Obama as “the most successful food stamp president in modern American history.”

And then he adds —

In an interview with The Associated Press earlier Friday Gingrich said he’s grown more mature since his days as House speaker.

Oh dear, apparently not so much.

Cahooting Vs. Aiding and Abetting

May 13, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

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Since Cicero, cahooting has been a common and accepted practice among politicians.  Cahooting used to be called “smoke filled backroom,” and the best you could hope for is that your guy would come out with more than smoke in his eyes.

It was not a horrible way to govern.  I’ll trade you a bridge in your district for a new school in mine – that works and probably is what the founding fathers had in mind.

That, of course, was before kickbacks got enormous and the religious right got ahold of morals.

That’s when cahooting became aiding and abetting.  That’s a scientific fact.  Look it up.

Senatorial varmint Tom Coburn was cahooting with his religious right buddy John Ensign over Ensign’s tawdry affair.  Coburn was arranging payment in the form of hush money.  In all fairness to Ensign, you have to remember that his name is John, so paying for sex ain’t that far a leap. Tom ain’t got no excuse.

Tom Coburn went from cahooting to abetting ….

Sen. Tom Coburn faces troubling new questions about his role in the extramarital affair of his former colleague, Sen. John Ensign (R-Nev.), including allegations that the Oklahoma Republican may have not been completely candid when questioned by Senate investigators about the still unfolding scandal.

Uh oh.  This is the same Coburn who voted to impeach Bill Clinton for a tawdry affair.

“Our culture that too often glorifies promiscuous sex without consequences should not be surprised by this scandal,” Rep. Coburn declared at the height of impeachment proceedings targeting President Bill Clinton for lying about his affair with Monica Lewinsky. “The tragic consequences of the president’s behavior should prompt us to reassert the high moral standards that form the foundation of our freedom.

Truth be known, I think every Republican congressvarmint and senator was doing something horribly illegal or powerfully nasty while pointing their fingers at Bill Clinton.  That must have been fun for them.

So now the porn industry is all mad because people who like porn are once again turning to congressional hearings and the United States Senate looks just damn goofy, and a tad too frisky for old white men.

Y’all have a great weekend and don’t forget that we are taking bets her at The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc., on which Republican goes down next.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up!