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Redistricting in Texas follows the rule of of thumb that whoever is the most petty and ridiculous wins some kind of jewel on their Republican crown.

This year it’s Charlie Howard.  Y’all have heard me stomp about Charlie before.  He’s been listed as The Single Most Conservative member of the Texas House, which is no small fete in Crazyville.  He’s a gun nut.  And admits to me that his major fault as a Super DeLux Brand Christian is that he’s greedy.  Very greedy.

And hypocritical.  He’s a regular on Texas Monthly’s Worst Lege List, even after shaking his finger at his first opponent for making the list once.  He’s serving his 8th term after running on a term limits platform.

Well, I found out this morning that after working for ten years to get my own personal state representative I could be proud of,  redistricting will put me in Charlie Howard’s district.  I’ve been riding in the back of the wagon all day.  No kidding, I cried like a little girl.

But that is not the best part of this story.  It’s just the personally sad part of the story.  A little girl; I cried like a little girl.

The best part of the story is that Charlie Howard knew he was going to have a tough opponent in the GOP primary next election.  Jacquie Baly Chaumette has been telling people that she is going to run against him in the GOP primary.  It’s a very Republican district.

Jacquie is currently on Sugar Land City Council, and has been active in the area doing good works for 18 years.  You might notice that she is a perfectly gorgeous African-American woman.  She is also well liked, accomplished, and smart as Rice University with a 50 pound dictionary.

Charlie cut her out of this district.  Seriously.  He split a voting precinct in half – something that very rarely done – and put her house one street over outside his district.

Son of a motherlessgoat.

She can literally throw rocks across the arbitrary district line, and I’ll admit she ain’t got much of an arm.

The Republicans will do anything – anything! – to keep a minority or a woman from winning a GOP primary.  Even something this openly petty.

Charlie Howard is going to lie about this and say he had nothing to do with it.  But, it hardly matters because he’s going to hell for being a greedy slob anyway.  I mean, what’s he got to lose by tellin’ a few lies?

Look, the bottom line is this.  The Republican Party  controls the state lege.  If they allow this to happen, it’s clear that they don’t have out the welcome mat for women or minorities.

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“Their vision is less about reducing the deficit than it is about changing the basic social compact in America.”

– President Barack Obama

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“I don’t even want to know where Dan Patrick gets off thinkin’ he’s above the law and somehow more special than all the rest of us,” Juanita hollers.  “How little must his winkie be to write a bill like this?”

Dan, the Gun Man

On Tuesday, the Senate Criminal Justice Committee took the first step to advance a bill by state Sen. Dan Patrick, R-Houston , that would allow legislators, statewide elected officials, some former legislators and some state employees to carry their concealed weapons in bars, churches and hospitals and at sporting events and other places they are currently prohibited — including businesses that post signs outside saying concealed handguns are prohibited.

“And then,” she suggests, “I want you to consider this:  what manner of giant big socialist government will we have if only government officials can carry guns wherever the hell they want to?”

“For a man who doesn’t like or trust government, he sure wants them heavily armed,” she says in amazement.

“Dan, Buddy,” Juanita hollers toward Austin, “I feel real bad about your lack of faith and your obvious physical shortcomings, but I don’t care who you are, you are not going to carry a gun this this beauty salon.  So, put that in your law and smoke it.”

“He does know that people are laughing at him, right?” she asks.

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They are at Walgreens, getting their yearly pap smears and mammograms.

Big Ray, who works part time over at Dairy Queen, tried to pull a fast one by changing the sign out front to say, “Free Breast Exams Here.”  Thelma, bless her heart, went 4 times yesterday before Verdelia told her that the hamburger patty press in the walk-in cooler was not a scientific instrument and that men in grease stained aprons and paper hats generally weren’t lab technicians.  Needless to say, Verdelia was glad to find this out before today’s pap smear.

We would all like to thank the lady and gents over at Fox News for making light of the hard work that the folks at Planned Parenthood do.  Walgreens, I am certain, would also like to thank them for the long line of Fox News watches applying for jobs at Walgreens this morning.  And, Big Ray is among them

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Those of you who have been around here very long know that I have a special relationship with West Texas – Alpine, Marathon, Marfa, and Fort Davis in particular.  The people and animals of West Texas are in a big mess, not of their own making.  Wildfires have almost leveled Fort Davis.

If you want to help by making a small, tax deductible donation to help the people and animals of West Texas, here is a PDF with instructions.  Sometimes putting $5 in an envelope and mailing it to help brings great karma in return.  No promises, you understand, but a lift in the karma department is always welcome.

JEFF DAVIS COUNTY RELIEF FUND_ Donations

If you really want to make me smile, send it in memory of Chip in honor of his beloved Alpine, Marathon, and Marfa.

Harold Cook suggested that donations can be made to Grand Companions, po box 1156, Fort Davis, Texas 79734, from those concerned about the wild animals and pets.  That’s a great idea, too.

Thanks, Guys.