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Juanita spent her lunch break staring at the computer screen and pulling her hair out.

You are not going to believe this.  The website Politico had this story —

“No.”

“You cannot call them the libertarian Kennedys,” Juanita guffaws.  “At least with a straight face.”

“Ron Paul has not won one single election outside his bizarre little congressional district drawn just for him by Tom DeLay.  Ron Paul could not win any election outside his district including Fiddler General.  The Kennedys won elections.”

“Ron Paul has been unable to accomplish any of his major political objectives, thank God.  The Kennedys got stuff done.”

“They are drinking too much over at Politico,” she decides and un-bookmarks it.

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Get a giant swallow of this, my thirsty friends —

We had to struggle with the old enemies of peace–business and financial monopoly, speculation, reckless banking, class antagonism, sectionalism, war profiteering.

They had begun to consider the Government of the United States as a mere appendage to their own affairs. We know now that Government by organized money is just as dangerous as Government by organized mob.

Never before in all our history have these forces been so united against one candidate as they stand today. They are unanimous in their hate for me–and I welcome their hatred.

Franklin Roosevelt, October 31, 1936

And if that doesn’t chill you to the bones, he also said in that speech —

Here is an amazing paradox! The very employers and politicians and publishers who talk most loudly of class antagonism and the destruction of the American system now undermine that system by this attempt to coerce the votes of the wage earners of this country. It is the 1936 version of the old threat to close down the factory or the office if a particular candidate does not win. It is an old strategy of tyrants to delude their victims into fighting their battles for them.

I am not sure that being “civil” and compromising is going to win back this country to the middle class who has done the labor, fought the wars, paid the taxes and made this country great.

If we do not insist on having Roosevelt’s courage to “welcome the hatred” of the organized mob, then I fear we will be swallowed by them.

America was not built on civility.  It was built on courage, dammit.

And that is your Monday Morning Hissy Fit, brought to you by Franklin Roosevelt and Juanita Jean.

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Juanita has decided that these damn Republicans are so shrewd that they could give you a head start and still beat you through a revolving door.

Case in point.  We are firing school teachers, increasing class size, and closing schools, but Republicans are making out like landowners on settlin’ day.

The state teacher retirement fund’s investment managers received more than $8.2 million in bonuses this year, more than double what every other state agency’s top employees have received combined since 2007, according to a newspaper analysis published Sunday.

Results of The Dallas Morning News analysis published in Sunday’s edition show the bonuses went to 54 top Teacher Retirement System investment managers who direct parts of the $100 billion fund. The biggest single bonus was $521,512 to the system’s chief investment officer, who receives a base salary of $480,000.

The report comes as about 300,000 retired teachers have gone 10 years without a pension increase and state lawmakers struggle with a budget shortfall that could leave tens of thousands of teachers out of work.

“Face it, “Juanita says.  “You kinda gotta be in awe of that level of shrewd and greed.  The retirees haven’t gotten a raise in a decade, but these guys are waddling in dough for doing only a mediocre job.”

“Although the Texas teacher retirement system is okay, it’s not that much better than if we’d let that kid on eTrade do the investing,” she speculates.

“And in the bowels of irony hell, the Republicans are saying that if we want good people investing our money, then we need to pay what they are worth, which is top dollar.  This theory, of course, does not extend to teachers.”

“Republicans are making me crazy,” she growls, “and best I can tell, they are doing it on purpose.”

She’s right, you know.

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The latest is from Michigan.

Caswell Warbucks

Under a new budget proposal from State Sen. Bruce Caswell, children in the state’s foster care system would be allowed to purchase clothing only in used clothing stores.

Yes, my friends, it is The Grand National Humiliate an Orphan Day in Michigan.  I mean, by golly, those kids already have it so cushy.

And shoes and socks?  They don’t need no darn shoes and socks; it just makes them wussies.  What this country needs, by gawd, is some tough orphans.

And what’s better for building character than second hand underwear?  Answer me that, Mr. Bleeding Heart Liberal.

But, Caswell has this thought —

Casswell says the plan will save the state money, though it isn’t clear how much the state spends on clothing for foster children or how much could be saved this way.

You know, if telling little foster children where they can buy their clothes is Caswell’s idea of smaller government, I’d hate to think what he believes big government is.

And, yes, of course, he claims to be a Christian.

I hope he gets second hand eggs for Easter.

By gawd, I do.

Thanks to Robert for the heads-up.

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Freshman East Texas (Yeah, yeah, put the back of your hand to your forward and sigh heavily) State Representative David Simpson pulled a little parliamentary trick yesterday in the Texas House that derailed, among other things, Senfronia Thompson’s puppy mill bill.

Let me tell you something about Senfronia Thompson.  She has been my friend for 30 years and she is one of the funniest women I know.  She is also one of the most respected people in the Texas House by Democrats and Republicans alike.  She’s one tough cookie, but she gets things done in the nicest possible manner.  She will tell you to go to hell, but she will help you pack for the trip.

She is the longest serving member of the Texas House, and this session she introduced a bill to regulate puppy mills.  The fact that we don’t already regulate them says something sad about Texas.

So along comes this feisty little freshman rep and he knocks Senfronia’s puppy mill bill, along with two other bills, off the fast-track House calendar.  Like the man he shot in Reno, just to watch them die.

It appears that even his own party is unhappy about his actions, saying he broke the rules of decorum.  Thirteen of them removed their names from his bill  to criminalize over-eager patdowns at airport security.  They apparently would rather have their junk touched than be seen within fifty miles of Mr. Simpson.

Even the mayor of the largest town in Simpson’s district is dismayed.

News of Simpson’s bill-bumping even made it back to his district. Longview Mayor Jay Dean said constituents, particularly those in favor of the puppy mill bill, aren’t happy either, and want Simpson to better choose “what battles to fight.”

And Senfronia?  Well, I think she’s helping him pack for the trip.

Then, in a way that only East Texas elected officials can do, he made it worse.

Comparing his struggle today to Sam Houston’s struggle against secessionists, Simpson said he may lose everything, but that “providence will dictate whether I did the right thing today.”

Dude, Sam Houston didn’t want Texas to withdraw from the union.  You wanted puppy mills unregulated.  Not exactly the same.

Providence, my patootie.

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Juanita says she’d give up the neon concession in Las Vegas if Terry Jones would give up his permit-to-carry.

It appears that the Darth Jesus fan almost shot himself in the foot for real last night.

Controversial Pastor Terry Jones accidentally fired his .40-caliber handgun while he was at a Southfield television studio Thursday night, according to police.

The outspoken pastor, 59, of Gainesville, Fla., was getting in the passenger side of his car at 11:10 p.m. after an interview when the Taurus handgun went off, sending a bullet into the floorboard, Southfield Police Lt. Nick Loussia said today.

“Officers heard a gunshot, approached the vehicle, asked Mr. Jones if he was OK,” Loussia said. Jones and the driver were in the parking lot of Fox2 studios on West 9 Mile. “He was, and they also observed he had a gun in his hand.”

“Y’all, honestly, I don’t think this guy should be allowed to carry a Bic lighter or a pointy pair of scissors, much less a handgun,” she says.  “Whatever happened to that whole though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death, I will fear no evil thing?”

“His guitar ain’t tuned right, Y’all, so what the hell is the test for sanity in Florida?  You gotta be less crazy than an alligator after lent or know better than to play basketball in a mindfield?”

“Y’all, listen up – Terry Jones has a gun and doesn’t know how to use it.  They gotta be singing The Battle Hymn of the Republic at the NRA today,” she concludes.

I agree with her:  Terry Jones has a gun – that pretty much ruins Easter.

Thanks to Deb for the heads up.