Archive for April, 2011

Well, Actually, This IS Brain Surgery

April 12, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

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Fox news has a new one for their “some people think” news.

Internet blog sites, conspiracy theorists and forums are awash with rumours as to what those mystery scars on the president’s head are from.

In pictures, Obama appears to have a long scar which goes up the side of his head and over his crown.

Juanita told me that at least President Obama didn’t have to pay the surgeon a finder’s fee, which is more than any of the GOPper candidates can say.

Boy Howdy! That There is Some Hot Chili!

April 12, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

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As you might have heard West Texas is on fire.  All of it.  Ablaze.

It’s being caused by weather.  Texas is in a drought.  A big one.

However, Texas Republicans, like Ralph Hall, deny it has anything to do with weather.

So here is the strange summation: Ralph Hall represents a state and district suffering from (and highly vulnerable to) drought; global warming is expected to worsen drought risks for Texas and Hall’s district; Hall questions the science of global warming; Hall leads his party in an effort to block funding for a climate service that would help his district, and many other regions, assess their vulnerability and prepare for a changing climate.

Juanita has a solution.

“It’s simple.  Somebody needs to set Ralph Hall’s butt on fire.”

That seems workable.

Thanks to Rod way up there in Canada for the heads-up.

Have I Mentioned That Juanita Has A Big Ole Crush On Paul Krugman? UPDATED!

April 11, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

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Well, she does.

Well danged, now I have a crush on Loudon Wainwright III for cutting this song called “The Paul Krugman Blues” and on Don A for sending it to me.

The Paul Krugman Blues

Democratic men, you just gotta have a crush on them all.

P.S. Buy Wainwright’s whole album.  I did and it raised my entire spiritual worth a net of 10 or 15 points.

Oh Y’all, Sarah Just Took Center Stage!

April 11, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

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“Sarah Palin is hanging her wash on somebody else’s line,” Juanita notes.  “Lookie here.”

In an interview on Fox News, Palin backed Donald Trump’s purported investigation into Obama’s birth certificate, but claimed she wasn’t herself a birther. Nonetheless, she cited the discredited claim that Obama spent $2 million to keep his birth certificate from the public.

“Is there ever a time when she isn’t hollering, ‘Look at me.  Look at me.  Me.  Look.’?” Juanita wants to know.

“Now try to wrap your head around this:  She’s not a birther, but wants to know why Obama spent $2 million hiding his birth certificate.  That’s having your cake but eating the filling out between the layers.”

“Honey, every time she opens her mouth, I truly do enjoy watching try to measure water with a tea strainer.”

You know you do, too.

Rape is Not Just Good, It’s Wonderful!

April 11, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

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Republican State Rep Brent Crane in Idaho has decided that women should not have the choice of abortion after rape or incest.

The bill’s House sponsor state Rep. Brent Crane, R-Nampa, who claims to be fighting for your family, freedoms, and finances, told legislators that the “hand of the Almighty” was at work. “His ways are higher than our ways.” Echoing Angle, the equally crazed Crane said. “He has the ability to take difficult, tragic, horrific circumstances and then turn them into wonderful examples.

Brent Crane: Filling the large empty vacuum in pro-rape leadership

“I suspect that Ole Brent wouldn’t get treatment for cancer because that, too, could be a wonderful example,” Juanita says.  “Would wearing glasses be sinful?  Maybe God enjoys watching you bump into walls, Brent.  Ever think about that?  huh?  Brent?”

“Oddly,” she grins, “Brent Crane doesn’t feel the same way about other crimes.  They apparently are not God’s will, because Brent Crane is vice president of Crane’s Alarm Service, which, obviously, is trying to put asunder God’s will for burglary.”

He can kiss my big blue butt.

Leo Berman is Back and He’s Drunk

April 10, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

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Thelma gave Juanita a lecture last week that she shouldn’t call East Texas Republican Congressvarmint Leo Berman a crazy man.

Leo Berman: Not Crazy. Probably Drunk.

“That is truly unfair and unkind to crazy people,” Thelma argued.  “In Texas, we prize our crazy people.  Hell, Honey, do not forget that we’re the state that put Ross Perot in charge of education.”

Juanita agrees, and has decided to quit calling Leo Berman crazy.  From now on she’ll gonna call him drunk.  And she does not want to hear a word of complaint from drunk people.  Drunk is a choice; crazy ain’t.

“Ole drunk Leo Berman has a new cause,” Juanita explains.

Texas lawmakers are considering whether to ban state courts from considering foreign religious or cultural laws, such as the Islamic law of Shariah.

The goal “is to require a Texas court to uphold and apply only the laws ordained by the constitutions of (Texas and the United States), prohibiting any other interpretation,” said Rep. Leo Berman, R-Tyler, a former Arlington mayor pro tem. “This is now happening all over Europe … and in Dearborn, Mich. … and it could spread throughout the United States.

“We all know what Shariah law does to women – women must wear burqas, women are subject to humiliation and into controlled marriages under Shariah law,” he said. “We want to prevent it from ever happening in Texas.”

“Okay, let’s start at the beginning,” Juanita begins.  “Leo has never been concerned about women’s rights before right now.  In fact, he opposes reproductive freedom and thinks equal pay for equal work is socialism.  However, you start talking doing away with short shorts and halter tops, and Leo goes batcrap, sorry Thelma, crazy.”

“Second off, judges are sworn to uphold the Constitution of the United States of America.  But you don’t see Leo gettin’ his britches on fire over Canadian law.”

“Third off, Buck Pochek says that Shariah Law is a hoochy-koochy dancer over at Crazy Manny’s Pole Emporium, and that outlawing her would go against the fine arts because she is a fine specimen of art.”

“Buck and Leo do not need concern themselves with heavy thinking,” Juanita says.  “As far as Shariah Law goes, I’ve seen pictures of that woman and she should be in the Olympic for being able to sit up.”