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And speaking of cheesy crackers —

U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann says she fears the Obama administration will create “re-education camps for young people, where young people have to go and get trained in a philosophy that the government puts forward and then they have to go to work in some of these politically correct forums.

Babe, you mean like the United States Military?

“You can go to the site linked above and hear a recording of Bachmann saying these things but I swear her voice is perfectly tuned to shatter crystal, baseball bats, and the occasional small mammal,” Juanita warns.

“Okay, here’s a woman who went to Oral Robert’s University law school yacking her mouth about re-education camps.  That’s just unnaturally weird.”

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Well, day-um, Honey, we’ve been knowing that things ain’t been good since Elvis died..

Solving our national debt problem might be more of an income dilemma and less about a debt problem. A recent chart compiled from IRS and Tax Foundation data suggests the rich have been paying fewer taxes as compared to the middle class for over 20 years.

Thanks to Carl for the heads-up.

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Born on a mountain top in Tennessee,
Greenest state in the land of the free.
Raised in the woods so’s he knew every tree,
Killed him a bear when he was only three.

Barack.  Barack Obama.

Juanita is proud to announce that Donald Trump is a birther.

“That right there settles it for me.  Barack Obama killed him a bear, fought at the Alamo, woke up Paul Revere, rowed George Washington across the Delaware River, and can account for where he was on November 22, 1963.  Donald Trump, of course, can’t.”

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Now I know there are people who think that Republican Congressman Pete Olson, who also happens to be my own personal congressman, is gay.

He is not.

He is not gay.   Not.  Gay.

There are people who think that a straight man wouldn’t constantly be putting 20 year old pictures of himself in a little sailor suit on everything he mails to his constituents.  Those people do not know Pete Olson, a man who is, incidentally,  not gay.

Did I mention that Pete Olson is many things, but none of them are gay?

Then there’s a whole ‘nother group of people who don’t think a straight man would love this picture of his opponent.   They believe that phallic is as phallic does.  Those people are not right.  Not right.  At all.

I’ve even heard of people who think that Pete’s adoration of Phil Gramm might indicate something other than just two not-gay guys who hang out together, at least one of whom has creepy bank dealings.  Not true.  Well, the creepy bank dealings part is true but not the, you know, gay part.

And how do we know that Pete Olson is not gay?

Easy.

Nobody obsesses on gay people more than Pete Olson.  But, and you need to write this down somewhere, he’s not gay.  Nope.

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Juanita has found an occupation that pays a whole lot better than hairdressing – being Tom DeLay’s and Jack Abramoff’s friend.

Michael Scanlon, who plead guilty to defrauding Native American tribes out of tens of millions of dollars, hired himself some writ twits to insure that even though he’s headed to prison for 20 months, he gets to keep at least $17 million of his ill-gotten gains.

“Hell, I can do 20 months for $17 million,” Juanita announces!  “Crime does pay, huh?  And pretty damn good, in my opinion.”

Thanks to customer Deb for the heads-up on this one.  I wouldn’t have believed it unless I saw it.

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Okay, so Texas is going to have a Choose Life license plate because, apparently, people who talk on their cellphones, text message, speed, and cut you off on the freeway want you to know that they only brake for fetuses.  I promise to follow them home and take pictures of them.

I will not, however, stop at Dillards to shop and spend my hard earned money because Dillards is sponsoring a anti-choice rally in Houston this month.  It looks like you can contact Dillards here or call the Memorial City store at 713-464-1851.

UPDATE:  I forgot to put the link showing that Dillard’s is doing this.  Click right here, Baby.  And, dammit, this morning it said that Dillards was “sponsoring it”.  However, check right here to see how the original looked,

The style show is sponsored by Dillards, Memorial City and will feature today’s most fashionable spring looks.

That’s what it said this morning.  Sponsoring.  However, if they are any part of this, I’ve got better places to spend my money.