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Remember the guy Juanita told you about who gave a speech that women should let men be the leaders?  The guy who got elected as a state rep and then went around the local businesses and asked them to pay him to be their lobbyist in Austin?   The guy who has been named to the Worst Legislator list at Texas Monthly more times than we can keep count of?

And they are all the same guy?  Yes, it is Tom DeLay’s best friend Charlie Howard.

And now he has another honor.

The Texas House is filled to the brim with people who have loco camped out in their eyes.  But, Charlie stands tall among these midgets, awarded the Giant Red Devouring Monster Award for his role THE most conservative person in the Texas House.

He lives exactly 10.3 miles from my house.  No, seriously, I checked it out one day while I was going to Houston so I could know how far I’d have to move if they prove that loony is contagious.

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Do not tell Leo –

St. Paul, MN – Minnesota Republicans are pushing legislation that would make it a crime for people on public assistance to have more $20 in cash in their pockets any given month. This represents a change from their initial proposal, which banned them from having any money at all.

And Republicans are going to hire government officials to check poor people’s pockets?  And that makes government smaller by …. ?  I dunno.  I give up.  But, this is a Leo Berman fire starter.  If Leo finds out about this, he’ll sleep overnight in the hallway to be the first to file a bill just like it in Texas.

Juanita grins and recalls one of her favorite stories which has something to do with money in your pocket.  “We had a dope dealer around here a couple decades ago by the name of Chicken Wing.  How he got his name is a whole ‘nother story I’ll save for later.  Anyway, Ole Chicken Wing was a very ethical dope dealer.  He would not sell to children and he could not abide thieves.  Other than selling dope, he was a model citizen.”

“Except with women.  Chicken Wing never mistreated women, but he liked a wide variety of women in his life.  He liked the ladies.  And being as how Chicken Wing was not what you’d call handsome – being about 7 foot tall and 120 pounds soaking wet – with mushy facial features.  His body was lean and angular; his face was all circles.  The whole effect was that he looked like a Dr. Seuss character.”

“So, popularity with the ladies made dope dealing a necessity.  Ladies do not come cheap.  Chicken Wing always had a nice car and some jewelery that rivaled the sun in the sparkle department.  Not all of his jewelery was real, but some was, and what wasn’t real was big and shiny.”

“But,” Juanita continues, “Chicken Wing never had more than fifteen or twenty dollars in his wallet, and most of that would be in ones.  Rumor had it that he bought his car up in Dallas with cash money in a brown paper bag.  The ladies would look under the sofa cushions, sneak a peek in his wallet, or check his sock drawer for the money they just knew he had!  One of them even dug up a freshly planted tree in his yard, thinking he buried his cash there.”

“None of them could find Chicken Wing’s money.  It was the biggest mystery in town.”

“Well, time came for Chicken Wing to go to that Great Picnic in The Sky.  At about 60 years of age, Chicken Wing dropped dead of a heart attack.  They hauled him up to the emergency room to try to save him, but he was already singing in Sweet Jesus’ Quartet.  During the process of accounting for his personal items, one of the nurses took off Chicken Wing’s shoes.  Forty thousand dollars fell on the floor.  His feet were partially deformed from carrying all that money around in his shoes.”

“Ten years later, another hundred grand was found when his old house caught fire and the firefighters had to smash in the walls.  The ladies are still arguing over who it belongs to.”

“So, I’m just saying that not everybody carries their money in their wallet.  If you live in Minnesota, you may end up with government in your shoes.”

But please don’t tell Leo Berman about Minnesota or Chicken Wing.  Either story would set him off, and once he’s off, there’s no safe landing place.

(Heads-up to Robert for the Minnesota bill.)

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Ann Colter thinks radiation is good for you.  You know, like Wheaties!

“I say send that bimbo to Japan for her own damn good,” Juanita suggests.

You gotta hand it to the Republicans, they keep that Crazy Woman Crown busy!

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Y’all all know about Juanita’s favorite wacko in the Texas House of Representatives:  Leo Berman.  Leo “Damn, I Hate Mexicans” Berman has a new bill.

There are bad bills, and then there are mean-spirited bad bills. No way should the Texas Legislature approve state Rep. Leo Berman’s bill that would add an 8 percent fee to remittances sent to Mexico and other Latin American countries.

But there would be no 8 percent added when a person in the U.S. sends money to family members in other countries — Canada, Europe …

Berman, a Republican from Tyler, said the fee might raise some $60 million annually, and that money could go to agencies that provide indigent care. He said Latin Americans make up some 99 percent of indigent-care persons in this country.

Juanita admits she does not know where Leo came up with that 99% number but she suspects you should reference his patootie if you quote it.

Now, Leo has thought this sucker through, but he’s doing the two-step while the band is playing a waltz.  Leo says that he’ll refund the 8% tax to natural born US citizens if they fill out a form and mail it, along with proof of citizenship, to the Texas Comptroller’s office.

“I believe that who I send money to falls under the category of none of Leo’s damn business,” Juanita stomps.

And even though Leo’s shenanigans might bring it $60 million dollars, a number also referenced by Leo’s esteemed and apparently fact-filled patootie, the State Comptroller says that she’ll have to hire staff of an additional 50 full-time employees to not only bank the collections, but handle the refunds and conduct audits on businesses that take the 8 percent fee.

So, this ain’t about making money.  This is about being mean to poor people, which is Leo’s specialty.  Juanita swears he was baptized in vinegar.

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I am speechless and I am speechless never.

MyFoxHouston reported on former pole dancer who now uses the activity as a fitness technique and holds monthly Christian-themed classes at her studio in Spring. The women wear high-heeled platforms, listen to worship music and pole dance… for Jesus.

After her video aired on Fox, I chatted with Crystal Deans, a Southern Baptist and the owner of Best Shape of Your Life dance studio, about her pole dancing, her faith and the response from viewers.

No, I am not making this up.  I could not make up those shoes.  Even in my wildest dreams.

I doubt the Sisters at Our Lady of Perpetual Virginity are gonna approve.

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You gotta take a number and wait in line to wear the Crazy Woman Crown nowadays.  Becky found us another one.

Like her close colleague Chuck Pierce, who yesterday declared that the earthquake and tsunami in Japan was an attempt by God to topple “a stronghold of spiritism,” Cindy Jacobs weighs in on the tragedy to declare that Japan has always been a “hard group for the gospel” because it was rooted in idolatry – even the island itself “looks like the head of a dragon” – and so God is trying to shake the nation because “the Holy Spirit wants to breathe the wind of revival across Japan and bring a mighty spiritual awakening to the land of the rising sun with healing in His wings.

Well, why didn’t I see that?  That’s so damn obvious.

“It appears that Cindy Jacobs is a prophet, so I guess she’s an expert on these dragon things and a really hacked off God,” Juanita relates while googling Cindy.

It also appears that she’s really happy and has a horrible frosting job.

“You know, if she’s a prophet, it seems she might have warned the people in Japan to go to higher ground.  I mean, that just seems like the Christian thing to do.”