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“Being as how Texas wimmen are far too dumb to make personal decisions on their own,” Juanita says this morning, “the bill requiring women to view a sonogram prior to having an abortion comes before the Texas House today.  Get under your desk and cover your head with your arms because there will be voting happening at the Texas House.”

Juanita has a pretty good idea. “If this bill passes, I think they ought to require anyone considering having an alcoholic beverage to view the autopsy of someone killed by a drunk driver.  Alcohol kills far more people – the real, living kind.  So, anyone who wants a drink ought to have to view the autopsy and think it over for 24 hours. Especially if they’re a member of the Texas Lege,” she explains.

I’m serious as a snakebite,” she says.

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Juanita has some girlfriends GRITS (Girls Raised in the South) in Mississippi who are mortified that Haley Barbour, who is a GOB (Good Ole Boy) if there ever was one, is even being considered Presidential material by anyone who owns a shirt with sleeves and has an appliance-free front porch.

As most of you have heard, Haley is considering running for President.  Haley also thinks Nathan Bedford Forrest, another GOB who founded the Ku Klux Klan, ought to have a license plate honoring him.

“That’s akin to issuing a stamp to honor Bernie Madoff for excellence in stealing,” Juanita rolls her eyes.  “And before Dirt Janochek goes all Glenn Beck on me, I am not constantly apologizing for America.  I am, however, apologizing for some of the damn fool things we’ve let some people do in the name of greed.  Nathan Bedford Forrest wanted slaves because he became one of the richest men in the South by being a slave trader.”

It looks like some rightwingers are are already joining Haley’s campaign.  Take, for example, this radio dude.

Radio Dude

Well, say what you want about Nathan Bedford Forrest, but when he was doing his thing we didn’t have any abomination like affirmative action, quotas, or racial preferences of any kind. Our schools still functioned. Gang bangers weren’t shooting little kids. Grandma and Grandpa could walk down the street without worrying about getting shot for the $5 in their wallet. We didn’t have tens of thousands of white women getting raped every year by black men, and we sure didn’t have any Knoxville massacres.

“The rightwing,” Juanita preaches, “is founded on fear.  Fear makes it easy to control people.  Fear also has a nice profit margin.”

“Haley Barbour offers all the intellect of Rick Perry, the good looks of Newt Gingrich, and the soul of Sarah Palin.  Dang, I do hope that boy is the GOP nominee,” Juanita grins.

Thank you Paul, Dawn, Ralph and everyone else who was at Jumpin’ Junior’s Saloon and Bait Camp last night and heard this joke:

A CEO, a tea partier and a teacher are sitting at a table with a dozen cookies on it. The CEO snatches up 11 of the cookies and stuffs them in his pocket, turns to the tea partier and says, “Dude, that teacher is trying to steal your cookie.”

Thanks for starting my morning with a hoot!

And there’s another giggle here.