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Sugar Land Republican State Representative and close friend of Tom DeLay, Charlie Howard, was faster than a bullet with legs finding the one damn place we totally left unprotected by people armed with permits to carry who couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn even if they were inside it.

Incredibly dangerous school board meetings.

SECTION 1. Section 46.03, Penal Code, is amended by adding Subsection (j) to read as follows:

(j) It is a defense to prosecution under Subsection (a)(1) that at the time of the commission of the offense the actor was:

(1) carrying a concealed handgun that the person was licensed to carry under Subchapter H, Chapter 411, Government Code; and

(2) attending a school board meeting in an official capacity as:

(A) a member of the school board; or

(B) the superintendent of the school governed by the school board.

Who Would Jesus Shoot?

“Great idea, Charlie!” Juanita says, “so some fool can walk into the back of a school board meeting and know that the only armed people are in the front of the room and odds are pretty danged good that they ain’t The Rifleman.”

“You know,” she continues, “for a man so short that the butt of his pistol rests under his armpit to keep it from scraping the ground, Charlie sure is dandy anxious to be toting firepower.”

“And as a Super DeLux Brand Christian and founding member of the Christian Coalition in Fort Bend, Charlie sure is anxious to kill somebody.”

“Look, I gotta be honest,” she says, “having a permit to carry does mean that you can shoot worth a flip.  That’s the part that scares me.  No, wait, the part that scares me is that Charlie appears to believe that it’s his Christian duty to dispatch folks to the other side as fast as he can.”

“Good Lord, I do not want my obituary to say ‘innocent bystander at a school board meeting when Thelma’s purse snap was mistaken for gunshots’.  If that’s what happens, just bury me without telling anyone.”

By the way, Charlie has also co-authored three bills about body scans at the airport.  I especially like HB 1937, which lists a bunch of things that are already illegal but Charlie always has at least three bills with dirty talk in them, so I suspect this is #1.  Charlie loves him some dirty talk.  Momma, do not go read this bill.  Charlie claims to be against pornography so he has to study it a lot to stay informed.

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* This season excepted.

The Texas Tribune’s greatest gift to Texas is to provide public information without you having to go to the courthouse to get it.

They recently released the salaries of all Texas School Superintendents.  However, these numbers don’t include backroom deals, like interest free home loans or bonuses for visiting campuses, that some Superintendents get.

And my personal favorite is who is the highest paid public employee in Texas?  This should come as no shock.  The football coach at UT makes twice what the head of MD Anderson Cancer Center makes.  And most rankings put MD Anderson as the best.  UT football is not.

It’s a fun place to play!

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As most of you know, Texans get on their knees every night and thank Mississippi for being last in education.  One more Rick Perry term and we’ll be able to take their place.

But, leave it to our brilliant state lege, there are answers to  the Texas public education crisis.  These boys have more bad ideas than Wile E. Coyote.

Steve Ogden: Live has been so unfair to him.

First, use state public funds to buy books for private schools.  It would require an amendment to that state consitution, but Republican Steve Ogden thinks it’s a matter of “fairness.”  Ogden argues that Texas provides textbooks for “thousands of foreign-national, illegal-immigrant students” in our public schools, so the hoity toity private school students should get them, too.

“Yeah, Ogden,” Juanita sighs, “explain to me again how put-upon you are being a rich white dude.  Come on, Honey, whine for me.  You know you like it.”

Our good friend Evelyn sent this.  I had to sell my car to buy gas yesterday.

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This time it’s Jeb Hensarling, Republican Congressvarmint from Dallas.

What, Me Worry Hensarling

Another USB banker got indicted for, you guessed it, helping rich people not pay their taxes.

U.S. prosecutors charged a former UBS AG banker with helping up to 150 wealthy Americans evade their income taxes, according to a criminal complaint unsealed Tuesday.

The banker, Christos Bagios, was arrested last month in New York. He currently works for Credit Suisse Group AG as a senior relationship manager for the East Coast of the U.S. However, the complaint concerns his actions while working at UBS.

And lookie who benefited $5,000 from UBS right before Christmas last year — Jeb Hensarling.

Being as how former Texas congresssnake Phil Gramm is vice-chairman of UBS, it’s kinda shocking that Jeb only got $5,000 for a Christmas present.