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This is interesting.
Well, in Florida, a state representative has introduced a bill that would impose fines of up to $5 million on any doctor who asks a patient whether he or she owns a gun. This is certainly a new and interesting concept, but I don’t think we can classify it as a response to Tucson. Jason Brodeur, the Republican who thought it up, says it’s a response to the health care reform act.
Okay, I admit it. All the nuts don’t live in Texas.
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Texas Ultra Republican Congressvarmint Smokey Joe Barton has more than just a few dings in his thinking mechanism.
He’s said some powerful strange things, like the time he apologized to BP for letting our Gulf of Mexico flat ruin their oil.
However, if you can figure this one out, you will be awarded 30 extra IQ points to be used at any time or place, including Juanita’s Famous Scrabble Tournament and Wine-A-Thon, where, of course, you will most definitely need them.
Listen up. Here goes Smokey Joe’s jaws explaining why we should continue oil subsidies. He explains that these subsidies are required to keep the companies like Exxon-Mobil from going belly up.
“Over time if you put so many disincentives against any U.S. manufacturing or production company, or oil and gas exploration company, they’ll go out of business,” Barton said.
Barton, perhaps the oil and gas industry’s staunchest support on Capitol Hill, says the subsidies for the industry should remain unchanged “so long as you believe that you believe in the free market capitalist system and they should be headquartered in the United States.”
“Now, Honey,” Juanita stands amazed, “I do believe that Joe is saying we need to nationalize the oil companies.”
“You have to give subsidies to have a free market? Did he really say that? I do believe he’s eaten too much crude.”
“Nope,” says Thelma, “he’s just lame brained.”
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As of this minute, Juanita and the entire staff of the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc., is boycotting Governor Scott Walker’s contributors.
Jot down some of these names and put them in your wallet for the next time you shop. Do not let your money end up working against the recall in Wisconsin or supporting other radical rightwing stuff. If you click on the names of the businesses at this link, you will see what products they make.
Here’s a good place to start – Koch Industries.
All GEORGIA-PACIFIC products-
Toilet paper: Quilted Northern, Angel Soft
Paper towels: Brawny, Sparkle, Mardi Gras
Paper napkins: Vanity Fair, Mardi Gras, Dixie
Paper plates/bowls: Vanity Fair, Dixie
Paper cups: Dixie
Invista Products-
Dacron, Antron, Cordura, Lycra, Coolmax, Solarmax, Tactel, Polarguard, Stainmaster, Comforel, Thermolite
And don’t forget Wausau paper and Briggs & Stratton.
And send what money you’d spend on those thing to the recall movement in Wisconsin.
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Juanita was watching live when the Wisconsin State Senate truly looked like robots last night. They exchanged their brains and their souls for a script to read. They read it and now they’re going to a fundraiser.
First she cried. Both her grandpas fought long and hard for collective bargaining. Then she was astounded: “How can they do that? Can they do that? How?”
But then, oh be afraid, she got mad. And now she’s trying to find a way to get even.
Any suggestions?
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Newt Gingrich. Funny Guy. For sure.
Explaining his serial adultery to the Super DeLux Brand Christians —-
There’s no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate,” Gingrich told CBN’s David Brody, in an interview taped at the Iowa Faith and Freedom Coalition and posted online Tuesday night.
“So, he transferred his passion for this country into passionately humping lots of women, huh? For God’s sake – nobody let him near the Statue of Liberty!” she warns.
“Okay, so he left his first wife because she had cancer. He left his second wife because she had multiple sclerosis. Can you even imagine what he’d do for people who need health care in America? Honey, there ain’t enough Viagra in the world for Newt to be President,” Thelma added.
Newt is so full of poopie del pollo. He truly is.
I’d rather have Bill Clinton back. At least he admitted he did it because it was fun.
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A raid at a Southern California house has turned up nearly 2,300 marijuana plants and a 50-pound alligator.
Brian Link, a commander with a state narcotics task force, said Tuesday that agents found the 4-foot-long gator in a back room of the indoor grow house surrounded by pot plants.
He said the house was a front for an unlicensed medical marijuana dispensary.
An animal rescuer who picked up the alligator said it wasn’t aggressive. Joel Almquist of Forever Wild Exotic Animal Sanctuary in Phelan described it as “very, very mellow.” He didn’t know whether the gator was used to guard the marijuana.
Guard? No.
Duh, of course he wasn’t aggressive. He was stoned.