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The Texas Tribune has become one of Juanita’s favorite hanging-out places and this new dohicky is icing on the cake.

You get to see how lobbyists are spending $1.2 million to wine, dine, and gift our state legislators – and that’s just in the last two months.

On the day my state representative was sworn in, he was sent a jar of M&M’s with his picture on them.  This lovely and thoughtful gift was sent by the Texans for Tort Reform because everybody would trade their right to sue an incompetent doctor for cutting off the wrong leg for a jar of M&M’s!

Juanita told him not to eat those darn things because whatever is in them is probably what makes state representatives such sluts to the lobbyists.  Clever of them to hide it in a candy where you have to eat your face, huh?

Anyway, have fun at the Tribune.  It’s got a lot of good stuff.

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“So, the Republican Chairman of the Texas House Appropriations Committee is wondering whether or not the Governor approves of using the rainy day fund to do piddlin’ stuff like educating children or feeding grandma in the nursing home,” Juanita begins this morning as we arrive for morning coffee time at the beauty salon.

“They hold a a hearing, and ask the Gov or his staff to come chat about how we’re going to pay for … well, pay for Texas for the next two years.  Which seems like a reasonable request.”

“The Gov disconnected the phone in his office and is probably playing computer games and smokin’ cigars,” she reports.

“Rick Perry has no clue how to pay for Texas, but he’s real good at smokin’ cigars and hiding out.  Hell, we should have just elected Kinky Friedman.”

“Rick’s newest reason for not using the rainy day fund in the midst of this thunderstorm came within the last few days.  Rick now says that we need that money in case of a natural disaster, you know, like Japan.  Be afraid, Bubba!  Be very afraid!”

“Yeah,” she adds, “we need that money to get the DPS Troopers out to help like they did last Saturday.  Those boys know trouble when they see it.”

“The truth is that Rick Perry follows the demands of his teabagger overlords and the rest of the time, well, he lives under a bridge.”

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Customer Ralph told Juanita this morning, “As a civic minded Texan I feel that we have a duty to out-crazy these guys in Florida, but they are not making it easy.”

Juanita agrees.

State Sen. Jim Norman, R-Tampa, introduced S.B. 1246 to the Senate on Tuesday. As written, it would make it a first-degree felony to photograph farming activities in the state.

Jim Norman: Nakkid Bull

“Now Jim says,” Juanita relates, “that this is to protect the intellectual property rights of the farmer.  You know, like how to dig a hole or operate something with John Deere written on the side without instructional materials.  Or how to tell the difference between a cow and bull if they are wearing clothes.”

Juanita and most people with a thinker mechanism think that Ole Jim doesn’t want people to see how farm animals are treated in Florida.

Jim finally fessed-up and said that people do horrible things.  Just horrible.

“A concern of many of our farmers and ranchers are the extremist groups that intentionally and maliciously want to come on a farm and try to shed bad light on a farming operation,” he says. “They might take pictures of animals in different positions so it looks like they might be being hurt or whatever it might be, and we’ve heard in many cases from what’s happened out west and in other places, so we want to get ahead of the curve before they hit here in Florida and try to do the same thing.”

“It’s dinner.  Close  your eyes and eat, dammit.”

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Sometimes, even in the darkest days, everything comes together in the perfect storm of glorious, glitter filled, sequined magnificent Republican haughty.

Protesters who marched at the home of Wisconsin state senator Randy Hopper (R-Fond du Lac) were met with something of a surprise on Saturday. Mrs. Hopper appeared at the door and informed them that Sen. Hopper was no longer in residence at this address, but now lives in Madison, WI with his 25-year-old mistress.

However, it is perfectly understandable.  If you go to his website, you will find this statement:

A passion for public service led State Senator Randy Hopper to make his first bid for public office in the fall of 2008.

“He caught a bad case of that Newt-passion,” Juanita explains.

That’ll do it every time.

UPDATE: Yep, it’s true.  The floozy works for a Koch Brothers front organization.  The Koch Brothers:  They are screwing everybody but Republicans are enjoying it more!

Customer Rick commented yesterday about something I hadn’t thought about ….

It occurs to me that in recent times, the natural disasters and revolutions all take place in locations with 5 letters.

HAITI

EGYPT

LIBYA

JAPAN

and then of course there is

TEXAS

where we have

PERRY

who thinks that he is a revolution, but is actually a disaster.

cosmic, huh?

Probably cosmic, but comic has 5 letters, too.

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I know what you’re thinking:  Where did Juanita get a genuine Geiger counter?  And, more importantly,where can I get one?

Juanita keeps this Geiger counter on the appointment desk of The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc, because you can never be too ready, too paranoid, or too afraid of what is in some woman’s purse.

I know that everybody is a little antsy what with all the horrors on the other side of the world, so if you feel the need to drink or eat an extra piece of fudge today, here’s a good excuse.

And in answer to your question, Juanita bought the Geiger counter on Ebay for $10 cash American money about 15 years ago because she thought it was very cool.  She was, after all, third grade civil defense monitor.