It’s February.  Break out the flip flops!

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I think I’ve introduced the Juanita reading public to State Rep Leo Berman before.  His seat ain’t in the full upright and locked position, if ya know what I mean.

Well, he’s having himself a Secession Rally.

State Rep. Leo Berman (R-Tyler) will serve as legislative sponsor for a Texas Independence Rally on the south steps of the state capitol in Austin March 5 as part of the 175th anniversary of Texas independence.

Actual photo of actual Leo Berman

Knowing how deeply I feel about bringing you the best of Texas, I will try real hard to get to that rally and take some pictures of the people who think America ain’t good enough for them.

According to the Houston Press, which is often very trustworthy, Berman insists he is not for succession.  However, he feels it is perfectly a-okay for him to sponsor a succession rally.

He says he has “no qualms” about supporting a secession rally. Is there any group out there whose message is so far out, so radical and dangerous that he would refuse to be a legislative sponsor for them?

“I”m very, very, very strongly pro-life,” he says. “So I would not support an abortion-type rally.”

Yeah, well, exercising a constitutionally protected right is certainly more radical than succeeding from the United States of America.  Sarcasm is just another of the free and friendly services we offer here.

And we very, very, very strongly hope he never has an abortion.

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Even more fun that watching a pig race is watching Sarah Palin run for President.  Juanita theory is that Sarah and Michelle Bachmann will end up in a hair pullin’ match before this is over with.

Thanks to our friend Ken, we now know that Sarah is serious.  While most of us have been reading about Sarah’s plan to run for President in the book of Revelations, Ken found some real evidence that she’s damn and determine to run and loose.

Michael Glassner, an attorney and longtime adviser to former Kansas senator and presidential candidate Bob Dole, has signed on to steer the former Alaska governor’s political operation as she considers a possible 2012 presidential bid.

This is the same Michael Glassner who was on the ill fated McCain/Palin strategy team and who has ties to corporate corruption in Haiti.

“You know,” Juanita replied to this news, “I was kinda hoping that Sarah would hang around for a while and keep us entertained, but she seems determined to end with a fireworks show like the Fourth of July.”

We got some hate mail last week saying that we are demonizing Sarah Palin because we’re afraid of her.  “Not true,” says Juanita, “we demonize her because she’s a demon.”

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“Well, now we know why Rick Perry and John Cornyn like to play dress-up,” Juanita figures out.  “They wanna be movie stars.”

With massive school layoffs and health care cuts likely, Texas lawmakers have managed to set aside $10 million in their initial budget proposals for making movies.

“So, listen to the squealing from Republicans over money for the National Endowment for the Arts.  They believe that art should pay for itself.  Unless, of course, some of the portraits are of Rick Perry,” she giggles.

Rick Perry, Movie Star

Perry, who has made bit appearances in Texas-made movies, originally requested $66.5 million for film and music marketing for the coming two years. That request was later reduced to $57.5 million because of budget cuts.

“Rick Perry’s Texas:  where the only good welfare is corporate welfare.  And it sure doesn’t hurt if there’s something in it for Rick Perry.”

“And hey Hollywood, times are tough.  Quit taking food outta little kids’ mouths to buy your mansions.  It just ain’t proper.”

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Juanita is embarrassed to admit that Ron Paul represents part of Fort Bend County.  She supposes that she should have some respect for a man who sticks to his principles.  However, that same statement could be said of David Koresh.

“When your principles are nuts, then sticking to them could be called hard headed,” she says.  “Ron Paul is so hard headed that you could turn him upside down and use him for a diamond splitter.  His ideas are an odd sort of social Darwinism that is mean, hateful, and downright antidemocratic.  He plays a sweet old confused man to keep himself from sounding like he’s ready to open a Soylent Green factory.”

“But, he’s also crafty son of a motherless goat.  He spent $100,000 toting in people he plans to cook if he becomes President to the CPAC convention so they could vote for him in the CPAC straw poll,” she reports.  “And they feel free to be disruptive because this is the nicest place they’ve ever been outside of the trailer park and Mt. Shiloh Missionary Uptopia Baptist Church  Footwashing Division Southern Conference.”

“Poor ole Delbert and Fannie Lee hear that Ron Paul is against the IRS and, Honey, they are signing on the dotted line and buying themselves a one way ticket to Screwyouville.  They have no idea in what else Ron Paul believes but they know that free tickets mean you have to clap at everything he says.  God love ‘um, they believe in self-reliance except when politicians are giving away freebees, in which case there is such a thing as a free lunch.”

“But,” she continues, “that ain’t the craziest thing that happened at CPAC.  But, this is.

Anti-Sharia activist Pamela Geller says that criticism of her is basically “the second wave of the 9/11 attacks.”

Geller with Gingrich

“For those who fear to tread in Looneyblog, Geller is the woman who called Ayn Rand “the greatest philosopher in human history,” and said that Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan (who is Jewish) supports Nazi ideology.  Also on her blog you will find that Barack Obama is the lovechild of Malcolm X and that Obama’s mother was involved in pornography.  She’s a real doozy,” Juanita grins.

“Dammit,” she says, “next year we’re gonna go to CPAC.  It’s real obvious from Gingrich’s picture that big hair is very in.”

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They overthrew a government without needing handguns.  No second amendment.  No right to bear arms.

Good on them.