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Most of you are familiar with Juanita’s favorite yachtsman, Republican Congressman Randy Neugebauer of deep West Texas.  The district that Randy represents is landlocked and 95% dessert.  The other 5% is asphalt.

“However, Randy bought a damn yacht with his campaign donations.  Not a bass boat.  Not even a ski boat.  It’s a yacht.  In fact, here’s what it looks like,” she shows a picture to everyone and they all say, “Damn, girl, that’ a yacht!”

Randy's Yacht

“But,” Juanita continues, “Randy is real concerned about taxes.  You wouldn’t think that what from all the money he takes from corporations who pass that cost along to consumers, but he is.  And you know that he is because he says he is.”

So, when the budget came up, Randy had some dandy budget cutting ideas —

The House formally began debate, which is expected to last three days, Tuesday afternoon following some wrangling over the hundreds of amendments lawmakers want to attach to the package. More than 400 amendments were filed Monday night. Among them were a proposal from Rep. Steve Womack, R-Ark., to eliminate funding for the president’s Teleprompter and one from Rep. Randy Neugebauer, R-Texas, to strip funding for the alteration, repair or improvement of the executive residence of the White House and instead divert that amount to deficit reduction.

Randy's pointy little head

“Isn’t that just the cutest thing you’ve ever heard?” Juanita asks.  “What grown-up adults these clever fellas are!”

“Some of you might remember Randy for hollering “Baby Killer” in the middle of Congress,” Juanita reminds.  “He’s a very mature guy.”

“Randy Neugebauer wants the Obama girls to live in an unsafe house while he floats around on his yacht that he didn’t pay for.  Randy’s welfare yacht.”

“Sumbitch,” Juanita mumbles so that Momma can’t hear.

“And I wonder how Randy feels about his friend Rick Perry spending $10,000 a month on his fancy rent house while Texas can’t pay for diddle squat.  Hell, if we charge every Republican a penny for hypocrisy, we could pay off the national debt tomorrow.”

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Republican Kansas State rep Connie O’Brien is chatting up The Olives.  Not the martini kind.

Rep. Connie O’Brien (R-KS) began telling an anecdote at the hearing about how her son had difficulty in getting financial assistance to attend college. She explained that she took her son to a financial aid office, and as she was waiting in line, she believed there was a girl waiting in line with them who was “not originally from this country.” Fellow committee member Rep. Sean Gatewood (D-KS) asked O’Brien how she knew this student was “illegal.” O’Brien replied that she knew because the student “wasn’t black, she wasn’t Asian, and she had the olive complexion”

But that’s not the best part.  The best part is this:

O’Brien wouldn’t say whether she plans to apologize. She said she has received 10 to 15 e-mails.

“I’m not going to talk about that until I’ve had time to think,” she said Monday.

“Uh, Honey,” Juanita says, “the time to think was before you opened you mouth.”

So, here’s what dumb looks like in Kansas.

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When our babies were fresh and still wrinkled, Bubba would get up for the 4:00 a.m. feeding and tell them, “Hell, kid, if you’re gonna get up this early anyway, I think you ought to get a paper route and hold up your end around here.”

He was kidding. Republican Missouri State Sen. Jane Cunningham is not. She, in fact, has the answer to education cuts! Put the little stinkers to work.

I could find all kinds of colorful words and descriptions to show just how crazed and outrageous is S.B. 222.

But let’s just use the official summary of the bill from the Missouri state Senate website and if you don’t believe me, click here and read it yourself.

• This act modifies the child labor laws.
• It eliminates the prohibition on employment of children under age fourteen.
• Restrictions on the number of hours and restrictions on when a child may work during the day are also removed.
• It also repeals the requirement that a child ages fourteen or fifteen obtain a work certificate or work permit in order to be employed.
• Children under sixteen will also be allowed to work in any capacity in a motel, resort or hotel where sleeping accommodations are furnished.
• It also removes the authority of the director of the Division of Labor Standards to inspect employers who employ children and to require them to keep certain records for children they employ.

Nope, not kidding.

Here’s a picture of Jane Cunningham just in case you’re ever in Missouri and want to see what wild butt crazy looks like.

I hear she’s even got a tee-shirt that says “Sweat Shops are Fun!” but I can’t swear to that.  I just suspect it.

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The Republican Party operates on the principle that paying more for less is a dandy idea.  They, of course, are on the payee side of this equation.

As Juanita has mentioned before, she detests deregulation so badly that she used a Momma-unapproved word to describe it.  Now she finds out that not only did she have to sit in the dark and freeze, but they overcharged her for it just out of meanness.

She’s so mad that if she didn’t sweat, she’d catch on fire.

“Holy mother of pearl on a dog butt,” she stomps, “they’ve screwed us again.”

Texans have paid $11.5 billion more for residential electricity than the national average under deregulation in “a massive drain” on the economy, two consumer groups claim in a report that raises troubling questions about how the state’s power supply is managed.

The analysis, one of the most detailed studies of Texas utility rates since deregulation began in 2002, concluded that consumers are overcharged by a system that is controlled by electric companies and fails in its primary goal — to hold down rates by encouraging competition.

“And you wanna know the worst part?” she continues. “They use all that money they steal from us to fund more Republican candidates to screw us some more.  So, every time you turn on a blow dryer or a curling iron, you’re funding Leo Berman’s campaign.”

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Those of you praying daily for the few, the proud, the brave – Texas Democratic State Representatives – please bookmark this site and send love when you can.

You can even follow their tweets without being a tweeter and check their battles to keep Texas from being last in everything.

Democratic Leader Jessica Farrar

And you might be interested in knowing that Momma’s State Representative, Jessica Farrar, has been unanimously elected as the House Democratic Leader.  Momma knows how to pick ‘um, Honey.

These guys are going to have a tough battle on their hands for this session so let them know that you’re on their side and pleased as punch that they’re willing to fight.

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“Has anybody else but me ever noticed that John Boehner only cries about himself and how wonderful he is?” Juanita asks  the assembled coiffure-needy this morning.  “He doesn’t cry about little children who are sick, hungry,  needy, or horribly misinformed about the federal deficit.  He doesn’t cry about old people who can’t buy their medicine, don’t have enough to eat, can’t pay the electric bill, or tragically unable to make their yacht payments.”

“John Boehner only cries about John Boehner,” she announces.  “Oddly, I do, too.”

“John Boehner is a phoney.  And, you know what?  I think he knows it,” she suspects.

In a bill filled with cuts and the death of needed federal programs for people that Boehner doesn’t cry over is this little tidbit —

But buried deeply in these 359 pages of ugly surprises is a provision that would mean one community in America would do a lot better than all of the others. The legislation added an estimated $450 million for a particular bit of defense spending that the Department of Defense did not ask for and does not want.

The item is a down payment that would obligate the federal government to future payments that could well be three or four times the increased spending added to this particular piece of legislation, with a big portion of the funds flowing to two cities in Ohio—Cincinnati, where Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH) grew up, and Dayton, the largest city in his congressional district.

“Son of a motherless goat!” she shouts.

“We should have seen this comin’ a mile off,” she continues.  “We know that beauty is only skin deep.  Same deal with fake suntans, except that the fake part goes all the way to the bone.”