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I like bagels and cream cheese.  Especially the suspicious kind.

(Thanks to Carl for the heads-up.)

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At some point Texans are just gonna have to realize that the Republican Party has two ingredients:  smoke and mirrors.

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The Tom DeLay sentencing hearing will be on Monday, January 10, at 9:00 am in the 250th District Courtroom of the Heman Marion Sweatt Travis County Courthouse, 1000 Guadalupe, Austin.  (That’s the old courthouse.)

I will update best I can with an iPhone and a dream.

And fair warning:  do not even think about breaking into my house that day because Marsha will be here.  You do not want to mess with Marsha.  Seriously.  She will break your butt and not even apologize.

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Yesterday, while Juanita was tied up (not in the good way) with some beauty shop business, our dandy delegation of Texas Republican congressvarmints continued to make headlines (not in the good way).

First off, as some customers noted below, there was Pistol Pete Sessions, a man noted for eating bullets for breakfast so he can shoot off his mouth the rest of the day.  It seems that Pete began conducting his duties prior the the constitutionally required oath of office.

Under the Constitution, which was read on the House floor Thursday, only sworn Members of Congress are allowed to conduct official business, but Sessions and Fitzpatrick have already voted eight times in the 112th Congress.

One smarty pants Democrat wondered if maybe the House should have read the Constitution aloud the day before so Sessions would have known that part.

Customer Alfredo asked, “Is he incompetent or just a moron?”  Juanita replied that Sessions is an efficient fuel-saving hybrid of both.

Then there was Louie Gohmert, Juanita personal favorite class clown from the deep east Texas piney woods.

“Louie got himself all grotesquely bent outta shape at Congressman Jesse Jackson’s suggestion that it might be vital to hear the “deleted” sections of the Constitution, to remind Americans of how some people were cut out of their democracy at times.  You know, like slaves, and women and Indians,” Juanita smiles.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) was unhappy with Jackson’s request, for one reason. “It’s important that we use the language of the Constitution,” said Gohmert. “These are not deletions. They are amendments. Too many have fought and died for the Constitution to call them deletions.”

“That’s not talking,” Juanita exclaims, “that’s just words.  In no particular order.”

“Plus, Louie can’t open his mouth without a little American flag popping out between his teeth and waving all around.  There was Jesse trying to be honest about this phony show of patriotism, and Louie accuses him of not caring about dead Americans at Normandy.  Cripes.”

“I just don’t get that the Tea Freaks keep talking about going back to the Founding Fathers but don’t want to use the words of the Founding Fathers,” Juanita muses.  “My only thought is that like Pete Sessions, they haven’t read it, and their listening skills ain’t all that wonderful either.”

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So, as if the Teabaggers weren’t crazy enough, one of them nutted-up in the United States House of Representatives this morning during the reading of the Constitution.

An apparent member of the birther movement seated in the gallery of the House of Representatives on Thursday interrupted a reading of the Constitution. The woman yelled out “Except Obama, except Obama, help us Jesus!” as Rep. Frank Pallone (D-NJ) read the “natural born citizen” clause of the Constitution.

The woman screamed out from the House Gallery as Pallone read Section 1 of Article Two of the United States Constitution, which reads that “No person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President.”

C-Span beautifully captured the expression on Pallone’s face —

“Dude,” Juanita says, “you better get used to it.  This is only the first day.    You can’t expect anything from a hog but a grunt, and this is all you can expect from the Teabaggers. This ain’t as unexpected as a seagull in Colorado, Honey.”