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UPDATED:

Juanita’s blood ran cold at the announcement.

Political operatives in Austin tell me that Perry’s campaign team has been quietly polling voters outside of the Lone Star State to gauge his chances on the national stage. With the November 2012 election 22 months away, Perry is hoping to gain some early traction.

“Now, I know people say that American isn’t ready for another prissy, ignorant, Texas Governor who is charmingly unburdened by intellectual function.  But damn, people, look what America elected last November,” she cautions.

Verdelia claims that she’s strongly considering opening “The Miss Verdelia Center for the Study of Rick Perry, Fire Ants, and Rattlesnakes.”  She will issue national media alerts when any of these things might threaten the well being of the citizenry.

Rick is being inaugurated today and here’s the list of “donors” (Read: corporate rapists) who are paying for the event.

From Rick’s inaugural address today

The frail, the young, the elderly on fixed incomes, those in situations of abuse and neglect, people whose needs are greater than the resources at their disposal – they can count on the people of Texas to be there for them.

We will protect them, support them and empower them, but cannot risk the future of millions of taxpayers in the process. We must cut spending to keep our economic engine on track.

Translation:  Yeah, we’ll help the poor, the lame, children, and the elderly, just so long they don’t actually need anything.

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“Okay, if the events in Tucson taught us anything, it’s that more college kids need to carry guns,” Juanita reports from the Texas Lege.

It appears that another man with a small winkie has decided that he’s gonna push a bill allowing college students to carry handguns on campus.  The only exception would be that they couldn’t have the handguns in the dorm.

“Which seems kinda ridiculous,” Juanita says, “because everybody knows that a handgun is only known cure for a neighbor in the dorm who plays Yanni full blast at 8:00 am.”

“And has the Lege given thought to what students would do with their handguns upon entering the dorm?  Would there be a receptacle outside the door for them like there are for cigarette butts?”

Juanita ain’t the only one with questions.

One Texas lawmaker thinks allowing concealed handguns on university campuses will improve safety for students and faculty.

But the head lawman at Stephen F. Austin State University says allowing weapons would make any crisis situation even more dangerous.

The lawman makes the point that unless we make students wear bad guy or good guy tee shirts, the real police will have a difficult time knowing who to shoot.  Idea like that come from something subversive called “thinking.”

But, noooooo …. that’s not enough gun crap in the Texas Lege.

Prepare yourself for this one.  Every August Texas has a back-to-school no-sales-tax-weekend for school clothes, lunch boxes, pencils, Big Chief tablets, paste, ammo …..

Oh, yeah.  Sid Miller

Sid Miller

HB 181 would exempt “handguns, rifles, shotguns, and ammunition” from tax that same back-to-school weekend because nothing says ‘Welcome to Kindergarten” like a 9-mm handgun.

A bill filed by state Rep. Sid Miller, a Republican from Stephenville, would add handguns, rifles and ammunition to the list of items exempt from sales tax that weekend.

“We already have one sales tax holiday, why not make it two instead of one?” Miller said. “We just want to give taxpayers a break.

“In the last two years, the cost of handguns and ammunition have almost gone through the roof so that it’s almost prohibitive for gun ownership,” he said.

Thelma was furious.  “Has that man priced a garter belt lately?  I suspect not.  I can barely afford one anymore!  Or how about a tax free weekend on perfume?”

Juanita, however, is still worried about that guns on campus thing.  “There’s not a lot of sobriety on campus,” she contemplates.

Juanita says that Bubba has the right idea.  “Bubba says that the Texas Lege needs to get a better handle on what college is all about.  He says that if anything should be tax exempt that weekend it should be condoms,” she grins.

So, if Texas Rep Sid Miller needs help remembering what college is all about, then he’s too damn old to be making the rules.

(Thanks to customer Marcia for the heads-up on this one.)

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Juanita was in Corpus Christi this weekend for the South Texas Democratic Summit and overheard this.

Take the vowels out of Reince Preibus’ name and you get:

RNC PR BS

Okay, that just can’t be coincidence.  It just can’t be.

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‘Nuff said about more people carrying weapons. Click here.

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Sarah Palin is likely the most tone deaf person in America.

Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (R) will deliver a keynote address to a gun convention later this month.

“It’s the triumph of an uncluttered mind,” Juanita says.  “Honey, Sarah Palin is cold enough to skate on.”

Thelma jumps in, “So cold that you’d get frostbite taking her pulse.  She’s so cold that she’d make a third degree Mason drop a degree.  Sarah Palin is so cold that she could make the eagle on a silver dollar shiver.  She’s so cold ….”

“We get it, Thelma,” everyone hollered.

However, it does sound like a real classy event —

Others expected to appear at the convention are comedian Larry the Cable Guy, musical acts Marshall Tucker Band and Pure Prairie League, an Elvis impersonator, NASCAR team owner Richard Childress and conservative commentator Michael Reagan.

That entertainment!