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What happens when you put two highly narcissistic personalities in a pool of hedonism?

We’re fixing to find out, Honey.

Sarah Palin is going to Reno to speak to a gun convention, and Rick Perry is going to Las Vegas to a gun show.  I guess we’ll see which one has the biggest gunbelt.

By the way, we have a massive deficit and our Governor will need all his taxpayer financed security to attend a book-signing in Vegas.  I dunno, it seems to me that if he’s out there moonlighting to make more money, he ought to pay for his own security.  That’s just me.

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Juanita says you have to give Republicans their due.  They have come up with some rather creative ways to solved Texas’ budget shortfall:  (1) drop the senior year of high school because if you haven’t learned it by then, it highly likely you ain’t learning it, (2)  fire 100,000 teachers because what this state really needs is more unemployment and ignorance, (3) close the state mental hospitals because there ain’t no crazy like Texas-crazy, (4) turn Lufkin into a giant casino/brothel dance hall, and lastly and most promising as far as raising some real money  (5) let Baptist buy whiskey on Sundays.

“There is a certain charm to this idea,” Juanita says.  “Letting us watch The Steeple People Republicans have to decide on whether to raise taxes or encourage drunkenness might be a sight to behold.”

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Here ya go —

Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, the founders of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, have organized a coalition of like-minded businesses to protest a Supreme Court ruling that struck down limits on corporate campaign spending in candidate elections.

“Business for Democracy” will stage its first-ever event on the one-year anniversary of the court’s decision in Citizens United vs. the Federal Election Commission.

Juanita says their website doesn’t open until Friday, so she feels it is our duty to eat all the Ben & Jerry’s we can until then.

And, yeah, she’s gonna join!

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She’s coming here.   We’re proud to have her.

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After two decades of Republican rule, Texas finds itself with a $27 billion budget deficit.  This, of course, is Barack Obama’s fault.

Juanita responds, “Listening to Governor Rick Perry and Lt. Governor David Dewhurst deliver anti-Washington inaugural speeches to kick off their desperate campaigns to get to Washington, we now suspect that Barack Obama’s birth certificate will turn up in El Paso where he has been secretly running Texas into the hole ever since Republicans took over state government.  It’s a plot.”

“When cutting the budget, we cannot afford to get near Rick Perry’s slush fund for his friends and contributions, which he gamely calls ‘an economic development fund.’  And, admittedly, that’s not far from true if the only economic development you’re talking about is the economic development of Rick Perry’s presidential race.”

So, Texas is cutting luxury items.

Public schools, universities, health care providers take major hits as Texas proposes to balance two-year budget without raising taxes or using rainy day fund.

Grants for classroom technology were also cut because all the good jobs are going to India, anyway.  Same deal for college financial aid.  “Heck, we cut enough from public education and nobody will be able to get into college anyway, so problem solved,” Juanita explains.

“We’re also deeply cutting mental health programs and parole supervision, shutting down at least one state assisted-living center and giving up on that whole ‘prison’ idea,” Juanita shakes her head.  “I mean, now that we’re all armed with concealed weapons, prisons just seem like a luxury we don’t need.”

“Also, The Victims Services Division would be eliminated.  If you’re a victim in Texas, it’s you own damn fault.  You have a weapon, Honey, use it, dammit.”

We’ll dig deeper into The Great Texas Budget Cutting in the coming days.  Last I heard, we were thinking about cutting ties with Oklahoma.

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Juanita often describes her beauty salon as being “dangerously close to Houston.”  It appears that she will be seeking redemption for that comment.

Come to find out, some scientists at Brown University did a study on what women want a man to smell like. Big news:

In two large studies led by Brown University olfactory expert Dr. Rachel Herz, women ranked a man’s scent as the most important feature for determining whether she would be sexually interested in him.

The good news is that Dr. Herz isn’t totally insane.  It appears that  “scent may be the main way in which women literally sniff out genetic compatibility with a potential mate. How we smell is an external expression of the genes that make up our immune system.”

Juanita reports, “Part of the study was to determine, by region, which scents woman found most sexy.  It might surprise you, but not me.”

1.      New York – coffee

2.      Los Angeles – lavender

3.      Chicago – vanilla

4.      Houston – barbeque

5.      Atlanta – cherry

6.      Phoenix – eucalyptus

7.      Philadelphia – clean laundry

8.      Dallas – smoke/fireplace

9.      San Diego – suntan lotion/ocean

10.  Minneapolis-St. Paul – cut grass

John Cornyn smells like ... hummm ... is manure on the list?

“Barbeque.  Yep, that’ll do it.  While Philadelphia women want their men to do the laundry, Chicago women want their men to bake, and God only knows what Atlanta women want but I’ll bet it’s pretty kinky, Houston women want their men to kill something, put a dry rub on it, slap it on the pit, and serve it in tight blue jeans,” Juanita says she can now scientifically prove.

“So,” she advises, “all you Minneapolis men get out there and mow the lawn.  You New York men get up and make the coffee.  And you Los Angeles men?  Lavender?  Really?