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Long time customer, Don A. in Pennsyltucky, found the most wonderful Louie Gohmert comment this morning in the New York Times.  Don has named Gohmert “Louie the Lip.”

The writer is making the argument that having more guns in Tuscon would not really have helped matters.

But the Tucson shootings should discredit the canard that we need more guns at school, in the workplace, even in Congress. Yes, Congress. The Texas Republican Rep. Louie Gohmert has proposed a bill to allow fellow members to carry firearms into the Capitol Building.

Gohmert has enough trouble carrying a coherent thought onto the House floor. God forbid he would try to bring a Glock to work. By his reasoning, the Middle East would be better off if every nation in the region had nuclear weapons.

Oh.  Damn.  That’s good.

Really good.

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You just gotta read Harold Cook this morning.  You will laugh yourself silly.

I got to wondering why there are so many funny Texas liberals and not one damn funny Republican.  Think about it.

Thelma says it’s because the Republicans give us so much free material to work with.

She’s right, you know.

Most Republicans in Texas are standing around trying to figure out whether they found a rope or lost their horse.

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Looks like Texas has decided that anything that will help Rick Perry’s Presidential run is a damn emergency.

Today, Gov. Rick Perry added two more issues, including controversial voter ID legislation, to his list of “emergency items” that legislators can begin deliberating on right away instead of waiting until after the first 60 days of the session.

He also wants legislators to get cracking on legislation encouraging an amendment to the U.S. Constitution requiring the federal budget be balanced. Already on the “emergency items” list are reforming eminent domain laws and abolishing sanctuary cities.

“Okay,” Juanita shouts, “let haul some butt and get to work on a resolution to require the federal budget to be balanced so nobody west of the Sabine River has to fret over the fact that we’re $27 billion short here in Texas.”

“And even though they can’t show us anybody who has voted illegally, it’s more important than the fact that we most certainly can show you some illiterate schoolchildren,” she stomps.

Juanita has been pondering some more “emergency” legislation we need in Texas to avoid solving real problems.  Rick Perry should feel free to use this list.

1.  Fire ant emergency.  Pass a strongly worded resolution that fire ants are just a damn nuisance.

2.  Insert your own emergency Perry hairdo joke here.

3.  You know that feeling when you lean back in your chair and you know you’re gonna fall?  We gotta do something about that.

4.  Fund a grant to see if the light really goes off in your refrigerator when you shut the door.  I gotta know for sure.  It’s an emergency.

5.  Emergency Jesus Gun Bill.  I dunno what it’s about but it’ll get a lot of Republican attention if it says Jesus and gun.  If you want sirens to go off with it, add  feminist to the title.  Want full-fledged fireworks?  Gambling Gay Feminist Jesus Gun Bill.

6.  Oh my God!  Oh My God!  Somebody spoke above a whisper in the Alamo.  Load the cannons!

7.  HB 132:  The Crisis of No Official State Beauty Salon Bill.

8.  Putting leather fringe on the endangered species list.  Not just a good idea:  A crisis averted.

9.  The urgent situation of “Hellfire, Bubba, there’s a black man in the White House.  If that don’t beat all.”

10.  Crucial legislation needed to see if daylight savings  time really saves.

Texas, I love yew.

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The earliest finding of dogs in the America was recently discovered in South Texas, circa 10,000 years ago.

We, of course, barbequed it.

No kidding.

It’s Texas.  It’s what we do.

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Sadly, they sent John Oliver.  Most members of the Lege would ask him to please speak English.

Tune in Thursday to Comedy Central for the Daily Show and some making-fun of Texas.

John Oliver, one of the fake news show’s correspondents, was in Austin yesterday taping a segment that is tentatively scheduled for Thursday night. It seems to be focused on some supposed rumblings by some right-wingers before the speaker’s race about the need for a conservative and Christian speaker – an apparent reference to Speaker Joe Straus’ religion. He’s Jewish.