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I know the general rule of thumb is “the bigger they are, the harder they fall,” but cocky makes such a delightful splatting sound.
This is serious business. Those of us who have been irreparably damaged by the felonious money laundering scheme set into motion by Tom DeLay on the first anniversary of 9-11 (I still can’t get over that!) are hereby ready to have a little fun with it.
Time: Sunday evening, 6:00, January 9, the day before Tom’s sentencing hearing
Place: Stubb’s Barbeque in Austin
Cost: Buy yer own damn dinner
RSVP: susan@brazosriver.com (mandatory)
You can come share in the festivities – including some almost-very-cool door prizes – if ya simply buy your own dinner and beer. Stubb’s has graciously allowed us to bypass their requirement of no separate tickets for parties over 15 as long as we give them a head count by Friday, January 7th, at noon. That means you gotta get on the ball and make a decision. Let me know if you’re coming so I can keep count.
We will also provide you with a map and information about attending his sentencing hearing on Monday. And those who don’t sober-up by Tuesday will attend the first day of the Lege. You cannot do that sober. Well, you can but it’ll kill ya.
I think you ought to come to the party. The weather is supposed to be nice and Lord knows we haven’t had much to celebrate lately.
Okay, so now that you have all the information you need to come to the party, there’s new business:
Now, here’s something else I am perfectly serious about: I do not want to see Tom DeLay go to jail. Even though I have filed a victim impact statement, and not one other person on this earth cringes as much as I do at even the sound of his name, I need to tell you something.
He’s short, he’s pudgy, he’s had a face lift, and he shook his patootie to and fro on national damn teevee. He would not last a week in prison. Not even a week. Some politicians are tough and street smart. Tom DeLay has quit everything he’s ever started. Good Lord, he’s surrendered more than the French. He’s a ninny baby.
That said, I do think there should be some terms of his probation because I ain’t soft on crime.
1. No lobbying. I am getting sick, dammit sick, of seeing him strut out of our county judge’s office with a grin on his face. I know that grin means they both just made money off of me and probably a few of their friends are going to the bank with taxpayer money, too.
2. He cannot blame Sweet Jesus for this in any way, shape or form. This is not Jesus’ fault. Jesus does not money laundry. Ever. So, no saying, “This is part of Jesus’ plan for me.” Sweet Jesus did not tell you to act the fool. Sweet Jesus forgives everybody, even murderers, and you ain’t got no special ties with Sweet Jesus that everybody else doesn’t have. Shuddup. Quit slandering Jesus. Jesus doesn’t deserve that. Newt Gingrich does.
3. He should have to do actual work as community service. He’s never done actual work in his whole life, so it’ll do his soul some good. I’d like to see him pulling weeds out at his so-called foster homes that are sitting freekin’ empty because he threw the families out on the street. And somebody should have to supervise him because I don’t trust him not to hire it done.
4. He should have to apologize to everybody in his congressional district for when he tried to get cute and resign in time to get a buddy appointed to his seat, leaving us with no congressional representation for six months. That was a crummy thing to do. People have died for my right to representation and I take it seriously, even if Tom doesn’t.
5. No teevee appearances. Fox news is bad enough without his felonious butt yacking away like he’s an expert. Yeah, and Al Capone is an expert, too.
6. He should have to give up his congressional retirement and health coverage. Amen.
7. Tom’s friend, former judge and now congressman Ted Poe, used to make people convicted in his court wear a sign that stated their crime while walking up and down a busy street. What’s good for the goose ….
To be honest, even my closest friends disagree with me about Tom going to jail. They’re even willing to drive him there. They think I’m wimping out. I’m not. I am saying that it’d put a tassel on my cap to see him come back home and learn to live like all the rest of us.
Sweet Jesus will forgive him, and I will, too. However, Sweet Jesus will do it first.
So, come join me to party the night before the hearing. We’ve earned it. Remember that you have to RSVP to me. Stubbs needs a head count.
Juanita has discovered that the Georgia Lege has a couple of doozies of their own. It appears that a Georgia State Rep by the name of Bobby Franklin has introduced a bill that makes every dollar in your wallet would become worthless. HB 430: ” to require the exclusive use of gold and silver coin as tender in payment of debts by or to the state.”