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From the Quorum Report —

Rep. Warren Chisum announced today that he has collected the ten signatures necessary to force a Republican caucus to select a Republican nominee for Speaker of the House. Attached is the letter signed by the ten members required by Republican caucus rules that will be submitted to Caucus Chairman Larry Taylor on December 29, 2010.

“We need a Republican caucus to meet and select one conservative candidate for Speaker of the House. The voters of Texas have elected a strong overwhelming majority of Republicans to the Texas House of Representatives. We need to respond to the will of the voters and work together to select a single Republican nominee for Speaker.

“There are three Republican candidates for Speaker now, and the Republican caucus is the appropriate place for us to narrow the field to one candidate.

“I’m betting a beer that the winner will be the one with the biggest Bible, the whitest skin, and the most amusing Obama is Hitler sign,” Juanita offers.

“Thank goodness they now allow handguns in the capitol.  The shoot-out over this might put Democrats back in the majority.”

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“Don’t you think it’s kinda weird that the very minute I mention the The Methodist Morality and Decency Society, the Tea Party goes after them?” Juanita asks with a twinkle in her eyes.

This was blogged by Tea Party Nation founder Judson Phillips:

When I was in Washington this past Friday, I walked by the United Methodist Building, next to the Russell Office Building.  The sign in front of the United Methodist Building said, “Pass the DREAM Act.”

I have a DREAM.  That is, no more United Methodist Church.

I grew up in the Methodist church.  I left as a teenager because the Methodist Church is little more than the first Church of Karl Marx.   After all, what can you say about a church that considers Hillary Clinton to be a member in good standing?

Today, the Methodist Church is little more than the “religious” arm of socialism.

“Oh Honey,” she grins, “the flames of hell are licking his butt right here, right now, right before Christmas.  I am almost totally certain that he thinks Santa Claus is a Marxist, too.  I mean, that red suit?  Giving gifts to everybody?  Gotta be a Commie.”

Juanita has decided that we need to be nicer to the Teabaggers.  After all, it’s become very apparent that they suffer from a mental health disorder.

“Personally,” she confides in a whisper, “I think he left the Methodist Church because they pass the plate.  Teabaggers ain’t giving money, no siree.  They are so tight that when they smile, their toes curl.  And that’s the truth.”

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The Super DeLux Brand Christians are here bearing gifts for the Prince of Peace.

Ehhhh, not so much.

The owner of a local religious broadcasting company has been arrested on federal charges of bilking investors out of more than $750,000 and using most of the money for personal and business expenses, including buying a 36-foot boat.

Samuel B. Jacobs, 57, owner of WJHJ, was released after making an initial appearance Friday afternoon in U.S. District Court in Norfolk. He is charged in a 20-count indictment with mail fraud, money laundering and related counts.

And this guy had a Jip People for Jesus franchise going.

Jacobs Broadcasting is a local, independent, television and radio network broadcasting on stations that cover New York City, Houston Texas, central and southeast Virginia, North Carolina and  Louisiana.

“Honey,” Juanita says, “there’s a real special place in hell for these guys.”

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“Po’ Miz Sarah,” Juanita begins this morning.  “Being that petty takes a lot of practice.”

Sarah Palin took a shot at Michelle Obama during Sunday’s episode of her reality TV show, “Sarah Palin’s Alaska,” jabbing the first lady’s anti-obesity campaign for attempting to deprive Americans of dessert.

While searching for s’mores ingredients on a family camping trip, Palin remarked:

“Where are the s’mores ingredients? This is in honor of Michelle Obama, who said the other day we should not have dessert.”

“Bless her heart, just bless it,” Juanita smiles.  “There’s Michelle Obama, well educated, classy, adoring husband, lovely children, and, you know —- living in the damn White House.  Everything Miz Sarah wants but has chosen to make a sideshow spectacle of herself instead.”

“The green envy  just drips from her lips when she mentions Michelle Obama.  And Honey, it ain’t a good color on any woman – but especially the Run Away Governor.”

Juanita still has not been able to bring herself to watch Palin’s teevee show.  Retching is not one of Juanita’s favorite activities.

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DADT is no more.

It’s about damn time.

Juanita is pleased as punch about it because it’s not a political issue, it’s a human rights issue and it’s about damn time we started treating gays as humans.

However, we all are woefully, eye-watering sad that the Dream Act did not pass.  Six cockamamie Democrats voted against it.  What the fool tarnation does somebody in Montana or North Carolina know about the dreams of kids brought to this country not by their own choice?

“Plus, I think Kay Bailey Hutchison and John Cornyn ought to have to personally tell every precious little Mexican kid in Texas that they probably shouldn’t waste their time studying and trying to better themselves,” Juanita says.  “Every time John Cornyn has a neuron synapse, an angel looses her wings.  Lord, that man would pee on a widow woman’s firewood.”

She’s right; he would.

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Y’all wish Momma a happy 85th birthday and do not tell the ladies at the Baptist Church that she was imbibing in Demon Tequila.  Momma is of the belief that everybody should have a Margarita every 85 years.

We spent Momma’s birthday at Cyclone Anaya’s – where the Margaritas and the Enchiladas Anaya are damn near perfect.

All 101 pounds of Momma are fully functional and ready to go anywhere, anytime.  Her mind is sharp as a tack except when she forgets that I’m her daughter – which, of course, she does on purpose.  Rather often, if you ask me.

She’s the one who keeps this place from being shut down by the heath department and the First Methodist Church Morality and Decency Society.

Happy Birthday, Momma, and I’m glad you enjoyed your lunch!