.

Upholding our reputation to be fair and only slightly unbalanced, I would like to share with you an editorial that strongly disagrees  with Juanita about what punishment Tom DeLay should get.  Juanita, as you recall, believes Tom should not be sent to jail but should have to do public service in the form of physical labor – like doing the yardwork at the courthouse.

Obviously, some conservative newspapers disagree with her.

First, the San Angelo, Texas, Standard-Times concludes….

The damage that DeLay did to representative government was far greater than the deeds of a typical white-collar criminal. So that others might be dissuaded from winking at the law in their drive for unchecked power, he should go to prison.

“Okay,” she responds, “if y’all insist … “

.

You’re gonna love this.

House GOP Leader John Boehner ripped House Democrats for moving ahead with a vote Thursday just on extending tax cuts for those making $250,000 or less, calling the move “chicken crap.”

“I’m trying to catch my breath so I don’t refer to this maneuver going on today as chicken crap, all right? But this is nonsense, all right?” Boehner told reporters Thursday.

“No, John, it’s not all right,” Juanita replies sweetly.

“You have threatened to filibuster every bill that the Democrats have brought to the floor.  Now you are holding any and all legislation hostage until you get your rich man tax cut.  You are willing to risk the safety and security of the entire country over tax cuts only for people rich enough to air condition hell.  Well, Boehner, you better hope that’s what they spend their money on because you are gonna need it.”

“Honey,” she says calming down, “you freekin’ invented chicken poop.”

.

Offering positive proof that they do not believe in the American judicial system, the rule of law, and juries in particular, the State Republican Executive Committee has suggested revolution.

Members of the State Republican Executive Committee will consider a resolution this weekend calling on Gov. Rick Perry to immediately pardon former U.S. House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, who last week was convicted on felony counts of conspiracy and money laundering.

The call for a pardon will be presented Friday to the SREC’s Resolutions Committee. If approved there, it would go to the full SREC. Of course, it carries no legal weight in DeLay’s case.

The SREC consists of two members from each of the state’s 31 Senate districts, and it serves as a board of directors, of sorts, for the state party. Members are elected at the state GOP convention.

“Not surprisingly, their major contention is not that Tom DeLay is innocent or wrongly convicted – which would be harder to do than shooting pool with a calf rope since he openly admitted several times that he is guilty – but instead they proclaim that former Travis County DA Ronnie Earle is actually Mr. Stinkypants,” Juanita explains.

We thought Juanita made up the Mr. Stinkypants part but after we read the resolution they wrote, Mr. Stinkypants is far more mature and respectable than what they did say.

“They called the trial ‘a mockery’ because Democrats were on the jury,” she says in amazement.  “DeLay’s lawyer, supposedly the best in Texas, hand picked that jury.  After trying to take all the black people off the jury, he was pleased with his handiwork.”

“I’m very encouraged. We have a great jury. We have a great case. Tom DeLay is a great client. We’re ready,” DeGuerin said.

“So, they weren’t happy with the jury that Tom Hisownself picked.  Yeah, they are outraged that the jury did not include the entire list of the fair minded folks of the State Republican Executive Committee,” she grins.

They also want to do away with the law that allows the Travis County District Attorney to prosecute political crimes.  People with neuron synapses  generally disagree with that since Texas county politics could be become a hell hole of corruption by simply buying off the District Attorney.

The State Republican Executive Committee is the largest bunch of pissed-off white people ever to get together in one place since the Worldwide Gun, Knife, and Small Explosives Show in Lufkin, Texas.  And boy howdy, they are hacked off that the guy who went from bankrupt business owner to golfing  hot tub millionaire simply by  being a public servant is being picked on by the American judicial system.  That just ain’t right in their book.

“The real amusing part is to watch and see  if Governor Perry pardons Tom but executed an innocent man.  I guess that would make things right – execute an innocent one but make up for it by letting a guilty one go,” Juanita shakes her head.

This is Texas – where crazy is a trademark.

.

A herd of ornery old white guys, who are living proof that there are more horse’s butts than there are horses, have up and decided that the most important thing in America right this very minute is a tax cut for Paris Hilton.

Senate Republicans promised Wednesday to block legislative action on every issue being considered by the lame-duck Congress until the dispute over extending the Bush-era tax cuts is resolved and an extension of current government funding is approved.

John Cornyn trying to blame Mitch

“They are hell with the hide off,” Juanita says,  “and they’d steal an old widow woman’s kindling wood and the light bulb from the porch lamp at the orphanage.”

“They are promises that nothing, and I mean diddle squat nothing, is gonna happen until they get their way, dammit, and keep those tax cuts that have been as functional as a three card flush.  Every time Mitch McConnell opens his mouth, I hear a spoon being pounded on a high chair tray,” she admits.

“Now here are these guys who have more money than they can keep dry, hoarding it in offshore accounts, wanting us to pay for roads, the military, the police, education, and whatnot  so they can enjoy it and still have enough money to burn a wet elephant.”

“How dare they call these tax cuts!” she hollers real loud.  “They are BMW subsidies.”

.

You know how you get email scams that give your computer the virus?

Well, your friends at The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc. would like to offer a helpful hint from an email that came to us yesterday.

Check it out.  Click the little one to get the big one.

It looks pretty damn scary what with all those government notifications.

Until you check the return email address.

Just another free service from Juanita and The Hooter Toters for your surfing safety.