.

Michelle Bachmann, who is apparently the only witch who actually won  in this election, is having visions again.

Michelle thinks it’s going to cost a gazillion quamillion megathousand dollars and 27 cents an hour to send Obama to India.  When asked by Anderson Cooper where she came up with that number, Michelle got out her abacus and explained —

“Well I think we know that just within a day or so the President of the United States will be taking a trip over to India that is expected to cost the taxpayers $200 million a day,” Bachmann said. “He’s taking two thousand people with him. He’ll be renting out over 870 rooms in India. And these are 5-star hotel rooms at the Taj Mahal Palace hotel. This is the kind of over-the-top spending, it’s a very small example, Anderson.”

Snopes says she’s deranged.  But then again, as Juanita says, “Honey, that Bachmann woman always pulls the trigger without taking aim.”

I’ve heard that Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity are also saying the same thing.  And that, of course, pretty much proves that it’s wrong.

“It’s just gotta be painful to be that wrong all the damn time,” Juanita says.  “Maybe that’s why she’s got that squeaky voice that sound she needs some WD-40.”

.

Coming attractions in the Tom Delay trial for those so inside that the should be ashamed of themselves.

The truth is that now we get to the sexy part – liquor, rum, Cuba, wise guys, murder, casinos, skyboxes, and, of course,  Little Baby Jesus.

.

“Honey,” Juanita starts in her voice of caution tone, “when you’re on trial for doing illegal campaign activities, it don’t take a triple digit IQ to know that you probably shouldn’t brag that your efforts while doing that illegal stuff had great results – even five years later.”

“I know that Tom DeLay left 40 IQ points in a whiskey bottle and all his ethics in a hot tub near the Capitol Club, but boy howdy! you’d think he’d learned that bagging got him in this mess in the first place.”

Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, whose corruption trial began this week in Austin, on Wednesday took a little credit for the Republicans’ takeover of the House Tuesday night.

“Well, I hope I played a little part into it. A lot of the guys that are there now are from Texas came from our redistricting and we gained three more seats in Texas and that’s pretty amazing,” he said. “So what every little bit I had to play, I am very proud of.”

“Yes, Tom kneecapped Texas Democrats with illegal campaign contributions and he’s plenty proud that they’re still limpin’ from it.  He’s trying to argue that what he did then is legal now.  And it’s legal now because what he did  illegally got his friends elected and they made it legal,” she explains.

“But he’s bought himself one of the best writ twits in Texas so there’s a pretty good chance he’ll walk.  In the end, the worst punishment he got was the embarrassment of Dancing with the Stars.  That’s pretty damn bad, though.  He was awful and had to resign from the show because his feet hurt,” she grins.

“But, a girl can’t help but dreams, and having Tom DeLay as a convicted felon unable to vote would be sweet, sweet poetic justice.”

.

Texas Governor Rick Perry is leaving his $10,000 a month taxpayer funded rental mansion and his Gourmet magazines to tour New York City on his bid to get the hell outta Texas by running for President.

He’s going on the Daily Show tonight with Jon Stewart.  The best we can hope for is that Slick Rick doesn’t shoot anything or attempt to make fart sounds with his hand under his armpit.

For you people from foreign states, Rick Perry is George Bush without the intellect or charisma.  He “wrote” a book that he apparently hasn’t read yet.  His finger got tired at pointing at each word.

Juanita says, “Honey, you do not want to miss this.  Macho Man Rick is gonna take New York City by storm.  They ain’t seen nothing like him since Midnight Cowboy.”

UPDATE:  There’s nothing like being right unless it’s being absolutely, positively, totally, dead butt wrong.  I was.  The charming and wonderful David Sedaris was on The Daily Show last night.  We have several days to come up with tunes for the mariachi band to play (see comments) when Rick enter The Daily Show on Monday night.

.

Click here.  Work safe but laughter inducing.  And yes, she’s a Texan.

.

Thelma predicted that this Republican sweep is like manna from heaven for people who like to laugh.

And starting that parade of delight is what Texas’ greatest poet, Willie Nelson, would call A Little Ole Fashioned Karma Comin’ Round.

Andrew Breitbart is considering suing ABC news for — wait for it, you know what’s coming, don’t you?  Damaging his brand.  No, seriously.  He actually said that.

Breitbart: “You have damaged me, you have damaged my brand, and I’m asking you to walk this lie back. I never exaggerated, I never lied, I never played my role up.”

“Pull in on them reins, ABC!  You cannot damage a person’s reputation.  That’s Breibart’s job.  His ‘brand,’ you might say,” Juanita grins.

“Karma’s a witch, ain’t she?”

“Take it away, Leon,” she says, “and we’ll let Willie lead the chorus.”