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“Sometimes something just makes you think holy cow, why didn’t I suspect something was up?” Juanita says among the curlers, hair dryers, and hair spray of the beauty salon on a busy Friday afternoon.

“Come to find out, Michael Chertoff – yes, THAT Michael Chertoff – is making money off these full body scanners at the airport.  We should have known, dammit,” she stomps.

Heading up the renewed push for those controversial, clothes-penetrating scanners at airports is former homeland security secretary Michael Chertoff. His consulting firm represents companies who make the scanners, but you wouldn’t know it from reading the papers.

“Okay, so Chertoff is pushing for the scanners and Chertoff is making money every time one is bought.  No wonder people think there’s a conspiracy around ever corner.  Come to find out, most times there is,” she says.

Thanks to T.K. for the heads-up on this one.

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“I have an announcement to make,” Juanita begins.  “This month the voters of America went to the polls in almost-average numbers to vote for the one thing Republicans promised that Democrats didn’t deliver – a more corrupt congress!  Yep, there wasn’t near enough corruption going on.”

Despite publicly promising more transparency and disclosure of the inner workings of Congress, behind closed doors, the GOP leadership has made moves indicating the Office of Congressional Ethics (OCE) may be targeted for cuts or extinction.

According to an email seen by ABC News, Rep. David Dreier, R-Calif., called the OCE on Friday, Nov. 5, just three days after the midterm elections in which Republicans regained a majority and control of the House. During that phone conversation, ABC’s source said, the California representative asked for justification of its continued existence.

“Honey, I know the Teabaggers are plenty proud of this accomplishment.  Now there will be no oversight to the screwing they’re gonna get by this congress.  Hey, at least they’ll get screwed in private.  With the lights out.”

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I guess even high priced writ twits can screw up when Tom DeLay is involved.

Tom DeLay’s own evidence turned against him Wednesday as a calendar showed the former U.S. House Majority leader in a meeting with a key political aide two hours after the man received the check used in an alleged $190,000 political money laundering scheme.

DeLay’s lawyer Dick DeGuerin introduced a calendar to try to prove that DeLay did not meet with the culprits involved in the money laundering until well after the event took place.

“Oopsy,” Juanita says, “DeGuerin missed a cahooting session that took place within hours of the swap.”

But Travis County prosecutor Beverly Mathews got Bos to confirm under cross examination that Ellis also was in a group of people who had a 1-2:30 p.m. grass-roots planning meeting with DeLay Sept. 11, 2002, in his congressional leadership office. Mathews noted that the meeting occurred shortly after Ellis received a blank TRMPAC check that was used in the money exchange.

“So, let’s get this right.  On the first anniversary of the attacks of 9/11, Tom DeLay marked the date by setting up a political cabal to illegally laundering money.  Boy Howdy, what a great American!”  Sarcasm is just another of the free friendly services offered at the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.

DeLay’s writ twit says —

“I just missed that one,” DeGuerin said sheepishly afterward, noting he only had obtained the calendar on Sunday. “The (Sept. 11) meeting was with a bunch of other people.”

“Okay,” Juanita admits, “I didn’t go to law school or anything so I’m no genius, but it doesn’t take me from Sunday to Wednesday to read a calendar.  Even on a bad hair day.”

UPDATE:  DeLay won’t take the stand.  I suspect that “misspeaking” might be a problem.  You know how strongly DeLay feels about perjury.

President Clinton, on the other hand, lied about everything, which ultimately resulted in an admission of what amounted to perjury and obstruction of justice. For his crimes, he was disbarred by the Supreme Court and the State Bar of Arkansas. He paid $25,000 in fines and an $850,000 settlement in the Paula Jones case, and he admitted to the independent counsel that he had intentionally given misleading testimony and undermined the administration of justice. History will also note that he was the first elected president ever to be impeached. Indeed, President Clinton’s criminality is practically the only part of his legacy that is clear-cut.

Perjury. Subornation of perjury. Obstruction of justice. Abuse of power. Clinton lied not about what someone said to someone else but to cover up crimes he himself had committed.

Too damn bad those words weren’t sweeter because he might have to eat them if he took the stand.

Tom DeLay is filled to the brim with poopie del pollo.

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“I am proud to announce this morning that Texas is trying desperately to maintain it’s title as Crazzzy Land, USA,” Juanita grins.

“And the fact that the Lege is going into session in January gives us a leg up on any place else.”  She’s willing to gamble on it.

“Take, and we wish you would, Leo Berman for an example.

AUSTIN — A state representative on Tuesday filed a bill that would require any candidate for president or vice president of the United States to show his or her birth certificate to the Texas secretary of state, another indication of just how ambitious the conservative agenda for next year’s session of the Texas Legislature is expected to be.

“This bill is necessary because we have a president whom the American people don’t know whether he was born in Kenya or some other place,” Rep. Leo Berman, R-Tyler, said in reference to President Barack Obama and of House Bill 295. “If you are running for president or vice president, you’ve got to show here in Texas that you were born in the United States and the birth certificate is your proof.”

“Leo Berman, of course, is from East Texas, where they seem to take pride in the fact that they are saving a mess of money by electing their crazy people to office instead of wasting the money to cure them,” she suspects.  “So far, it’s worked out pretty good for them but just gawd-awful for the rest of us.”

During the last session of the Lege, all of Leo’s bills were killed by his fellow Republicans on the advice of the state’s Republican Attorney General.  “Honey,” Juanita warns, “to be considered nuts by Texas Republicans takes more effort than moving an anvil uphill, barefoot, on pine cones, in winter.”

It’s gonna be an outstandingly fun Lege session.