.

I’m here at the teevee station blogging right now.  It’s pretty exciting.

.

Okay, Dudes and Dudettes, Juanita is in the field today offering certificates for free backrubs to everyone who votes.  She’ll check in from time to time if something cool happens, but please feel free to tell us what’s happening in your area in the comment section.

We also accept predictions, jokes, and barbequed crow.  Have a ball!

.

“Okay, Buckeroos and Buckerettes, we got some bad news on the horizon in Texas.  Rick Perry is pondering on being President.  Of the United States of America.  You know, the same United States he wants to secede from.  Just trying to figure that out ought to hurt your head.”

Perry has penned a book with national themes to be released a mere 13 days after the election. You can pre-order your copy of “Fed Up! Our Fight to Save America from Washington” in hardback or a virtual version for your Kindle.

GOP superstar of yore Newt Gingrich wrote the forward for the book. The former House speaker’s name has also been floated as a possible 2012 presidential nominee.

“Rick Perry is George Bush without the intelligence and charisma.  However, he is so slick that he can’t keep his socks up.  When someone once asked me to say something nice about Rick Perry, all I could come up with is that as far as I know he’s never purposefully had body odor.”

Now, what else Rick has planned might be what Bill White suggests —

White also figures Perry’s positioning himself to be a Sarah Palin-style rightwing commentator and author.

“Why else would he be writing a book rather than writing a balanced budget for the state,” White said.

It’s no secret that Texas, in spite of its success in job creation, is expected to have a shortfall in state government coffers of $18 billion or more.

Perry campaign spokeswoman Catherine Frazier apologetically declined a request for an interview with the governor.

“You know,” Juanita says, “I would think that a man who got rich off the public teat, won’t speak to the media,  and wants the taxpayers to fund his swanky lifestyle would never dream of getting elected President.  Then I remember George Bush.”

It could happen.

.

Come to find out, the ying to my yang on election night on the electric television is a guy named Big Jolly.  Apparently, he’s really looking forward to having something to be jolly about.

It’s also going to be Pasa-git-down-dena vs. Cabo San Rosenberg.  So, this should be fun.  I’ve been threatening to wear my pink chenille housecoat with the big ole flamingo on it, but I think I’ll opt for something more suitable for the political viewing audience by wrapping myself entirely in an American flag and calling everybody else unpatriotic.

I’ll let you guys know where to find me on election night!  If this is true, I’ll be the woman in black over in the corner whimpering.

.

Juanita has never been a fan of Harry Reid’s.  “Best I can figure,” she says. “leadership ain’t a snug fit on him.”

“It seems to me that every time Reid forms a firing squad, he arranges them in a circle,” she continues.  “Now, I don’t want to see any Democrat lose on election night.  Okay, so maybe Blanche Lincoln and Joe Manchin are itchin’ for a much deserved whippin’ and I won’t head down to the ice house to celebrate with a cold one if they win.”

“But, I need someone to talk me down about being unattractively unremorseful if Harry Reid has to find another line of work,” she pleads.  “I believe we need another big duck in the puddle because this one ain’t paddlin’ near hard enough.”

“Honey, I suspect that I ain’t gonna find much to be happy about on election night, but I’ll be mildly amused if Harry Reid steps aside for a new bell cow.”

“There’s a story about former Texas Governor Jim Ferguson,” she says.  “One day when Jim arrived at a meeting, someone whispered, ‘All you owls better hunt hunt your holes — the eagle is here.’  Yeah, that’s the kind of person we need in the Senate.”