Thank you, Carol!

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Sometimes the best way to tell a story is just to tell it.  I’ll let Juanita do that.

A little boy who used to live in my house came home from second grade one day and announced, “I hate girls.”

“Well,” I replied, “that unfortunate because one day you might need to marry one.”

The little boy pondered for a moment and then looked at me with rolling eyes, “Duh,” he began, “You marry women.  I like women.  It’s girls that I hate.”

That has stayed with me because I have come to agree with him.  The second grade girls were silly and giggly and picked on everybody.

Sadly, some of them never became women.  They stayed girls all their lives.

And when they got older, they became Republicans and ran for office.

It’s girls that I don’t like.

Sarah Palin is not a woman.  She’s still a girl.  Michelle Bachmann, Christine O’Donnell — all girls, not grown up women.

I have another example for you today.  Rebecca Kleefisch is running for lieutenant governor in Wisconsin.  She ran a tv ad about how wonderful her heath care has been for her cancer treatments but forgot to mention one small fact – her heath care is paid for by the government she hates.

In the ad, which began airing statewide Tuesday, Kleefisch doesn’t mention that her cancer treatments were paid for through the state-subsidized health insurance plan of her husband, state Rep. Joel Kleefisch, a Republican from Oconomowoc.

But Kleefisch does say that “thanks to the highest quality health care system in the world, I won my battle with cancer.”

Kleefisch pays $85 per month for her health insurance with the rest of the cost, $1,722, paid by the state.

So, people who cannot afford $1,802 a month for heath insurance do not get “the highest quality heath care in the world.”    She is denying heath care to the very people who are paying for hers.

What a girl!

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If you’re here, you’re probably wondering what Republican candidate just got caught doing something so outrageous that that it rates a 10 on the Tiger Woods Scale.

We do not aim to disappoint you.

Texas Republican Blake Farenthold, running against Democrat Solomon Ortiz, has perhaps unwisely posed for some gamey pictures.

That’s Blake in the cute jammies.  I do not know who the other people are and, frankly, I’m a better person for not knowing.

When the pictures first surfaced, Blake’s campaign manager said the event was to raise money for Big Brothers and Big Sisters.  Well, that would be very sweet if it was true.  It’s not.

Come to find out, the pictures were online at The Crush Girls.

Juanita doesn’t care why a candidate for congress would allow his picture to me made with ladies in their bloomers.  She doesn’t even want to know what he was thinking for posing with a minor dressed that way.  What Juanita wants to know is, “Where can you get ducky pajamas in that size?  Omar the Tent Maker?”

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How you know your local newspaper has just flat run out of ideas?

No, seriously.  (Probably won’t be there for long.)  I’d like you to vote for Thursday.  I feel very strongly that Thursday is the best day of the week.  Tuesday sucks, and Wednesday is vacuous.  Oh Sunday, don’t even get me started on Sunday.  Monday is playful with a hint of oak and berries.

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Juanita is writing a new television series.  It’s called C.O.R.P. for Cops Over Rick Perry.

It seems that Juanita just found out that the citizens of the Great State of Texas have paid almost one million dollars of perfectly good cash United States money for Rick and his wife to maintain their globe-trotting lifestyle.

Taxpayers footed the bill for close to $1 million in security costs for 23 foreign trips by GOP Gov. Rick Perry and his wife over seven years, according to records obtained under the Public Information Act by the San Antonio Express-News/Houston Chronicle.

And where did that money come from?

… the cost of the security detail is paid primarily from the state highway fund, which is fueled by the state gasoline tax and vehicle registration fees.

So, when you’re at the gas pump watching those numbers wizz by, think of Rick Perry dining in Paris France on your dollar.

“I swear this idea will sell to Hollywood,” Juanita says.  “Picture the antics of Texas’s featherweight governor in downtown Venice Italy with a security detail of Texas Rangers with itchy trigger fingers anxious to get even over that whole Mussolini thing.”

“Hell, somebody other than Rick Perry ought to make money over this deal,” she stomps.  “I can’t wait until after this election when Rick has to go back to the Rivera with Bobby Bodine’s Bargain Security Services and Fishing Guide to protect him.”

“Hey, Juanita,” Verdelia kicks in, “Rick Perry has a license to carry and a pretty good aim for coyotes.  Why in tarnation does he need a security detail?  He ain’t man enough to protect himself?”

“Uh, no,” Juanita answers.  “As you recall, he’s little girl silly scared to death of snakes.  Come to think of it, I can’t imagine why.  I doubt they’d bite him — just as a professional courtesy, you know.”

“Amen to that, Hon,” Verdelia replies.