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“You know, no matter how bad I am, I will still be miles above Phil and Wendy Gramm in hell.  No kidding, Hon, I could steal the devil’s girlfriend and still not end up as far down in the pits of hell as they are going,” Juanita says.  And, she offers up proof.

Wendy and Phil

An administrative law judge presiding over investor complaints at the Commodity Futures Trading Commission recently wanted to retire.  However, he stomped his feet and demanded that the remaining cases assigned to him not go to the other administrative judge, Bruce Levine.

Why?

Because Wendy Gramm has a date with Satan.

The retiring judge tells this story —

“On Judge Levine’s first week on the job, nearly twenty years ago, he came into my office and stated that he had promised Wendy Gramm, then Chairwoman of the Commission, that we would never rule in a complainant’s favor,” Painter wrote. “A review of his rulings will confirm that he fulfilled his vow,” Painter wrote.

Painter continued: “Judge Levine, in the cynical guise of enforcing the rules, forces pro se complainants to run a hostile procedural gauntlet until they lose hope, and either withdraw their complaint or settle for a pittance, regardless of the merits of the case.”

When confronted with this, Judge Levine had no comment and neither did Wendy.

Gramm could not be reached for comment. Her husband, former senator Phil Gramm (R-Tex.), said he would pass along a message but added, “I doubt she’s going to want to get involved in this.”

Ya think?  Yeah well, since getting involved in the first place made her kissin’ cousins with evil, maybe she should just shuddup when Beelzebub is taking notes.

“I take some comfort in knowing that no matter what I do, I will never be as bad as Wendy and Phil Gramm,” Juanita shakes her head.  “Those two will be stringing barb wire in hell.”

Isn’t it amazing that Wendy can’t be prosecuted for this?

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It’s called COW WOW and you can vote on which Texas Governor candidate has the best hair.

The voting is running neck and neck right now so head on over and vote for Bill White because what’s inside the head is far more important that what’s outside of it.

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Juanita closed down the beauty salon today to go volunteer at the Democratic headquarters in Fort Bend County today.  We’re doing a humongous phone bank today and Juanita never misses a phone bank party!

Things were going really well until her neighbor city, Houston, damn well near exploded with hate.

A group trying to register voters in Houston received threats and emails containing racist slurs after being targeted by a local tea party group accusing it of “voter fraud.”

“Now, I’d love to tell you what was in those emails but Momma comes to this website, and Momma would chase me with a bar soap and a switch for even repeating the things those emails said,” Juanita explains.  “So, you’re just going to have to follow the link and see for yourself.”

“Look, I know a lot of this Tea Party crapola is pure racism,” she says.  “But, please don’t forget what they did to Bill Clinton.  Hell, they accused him of killing people!  They are just a hateful bunch of crazy people.”

And speaking of crazy people, please don’t miss Andy Borowitz’s take on Clarence Thomas’s Tea Party wife calling Anita Hill.  It is brilliant.

And double crazy is the fact that Texas will now be selling Tea Party license plates.  At least we’ll know not to park near them at the Luby’s cafeteria because those suckers have bean dip for brains.

And in the triple Z crazzzy department, we have Glenn Beck who announced —

On his radio show today, Beck wondered how many people in the country believe in evolution, and said he doesn’t: “I don’t think we came from monkeys. I think that’s ridiculous. I haven’t seen a half-monkey, half-person yet.”

Glen, you haven’t seen the half-monkey half-person in your mirror?

And, just for fun, Glenn is hawking survivalist food to go along with this gold.  “Honey, survival food, gold and lotsa ammo and you’re set just in case Sarah Palin does become President,” Juanita announces.  “Honey, if it lasts longer than a jar of peanut butter, a half gallon of Blue Bell, and a case of hair spray I do not want to stick around.  Especially if Glenn Beck is.”

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As I think we’ve told you before, Juanita’s Beauty Salon is dangerously close to Houston.  “We try to stay out of their politics,” Juanita admits, “but sometimes it just spills into the river and floats on down here.”

You’ve probably heard that a group of old white people called The King Street Patriots and Jello Eaters (okay, so I made up the Jello part) are flashing their gang colors and trying to intimidate voters in minority precincts.

Chad Dunn, the most excellent lawyer for the Texas Democratic Party reports, “We’ve gotten a number of reports — quite a few out of the Houston area — that poll watchers, King Street Patriot training poll watchers, are following a voter after they’ve checked them out and stand right behind them.”  There’s at least a dozen reports that they could confirm with witnesses.

“That stuff is gonna end,” Juanita promises.  “That group of old white guys is gonna tangle with a mess of really hacked off women armed with hairbrushes and cans of hair spray.  We all have proper training and a permit to carry hair gel.  You do not want to piss us off,” she warns.

“Now, you’d think it would be enough that every damn one of the voting machines in Harris County – the home of Bill White – mysteriously burned to the ground last month.  But, noooooo.  They gotta follow up with intimidation.  Hell, why don’t they just stage a rattlesnake show at minority voting precincts — Snakes On A Ballot Box!”

“Juanita, babe,” Thelma hollered, “don’t give them ideas. Hon.  Six of them are probably out collecting snakes right now.”