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Sometimes you find heroes in unexpected places.  Like Amarillo.  On a skateboard.

It seems that some other goofy minister decided he wasn’t getting enough attention so he bought himself a barbeque pit, some lighter fluid, one of those long lighter things and a copy of the Quran.  Then he called a press conference.

Oh jeeezzzzzzzzz …. that is sooooo last week.  “Is that the best he could come up with?” Juanita wants to know.  “Heck, even I could give it a new twist – how about freeze a Quran?  Or maybe read it and pretend to go blind.  Or paint a Quran.  Or wrap it it Saran Wrap and cook it in the microwave?   Come on, men of crazy cloth, you gotta do better than this to keep reporters’ attention.”

So, some folks went to watch and some went to protest.  And one went to be an accidental  hero.

A planned Quran burning Saturday in Amarillo was thwarted by a 23-year-old carrying a skateboard and wearing a T-shirt with “I’m in Repent Amarillo No Joke” scrawled by hand on the back.

Jacob Isom, 23, grabbed David Grisham’s Quran when he became distracted while arguing with several residents at Sam Houston Park about the merits of burning the Islamic holy book.

“You’re just trying to start Holy Wars,” Isom said of Grisham after he gave the book to a religious leader from the Islamic Center of Amarillo.

“Dude, that was very kewl,” Juanita bows in respect.

And then the story says —

Protesters threw their hands on the grill Grisham planned to use to burn the Quran, someone took his lighter and Isom stole the Quran, leaving him with just lighter fluid.

“I kind of expected the reaction,” Grisham said of the turnout.

As the crowd jeered, Grisham got into a car and left peacefully without burning any copies of the holy book.

“Oh crap,” Juanita hollered, “he was going to grill the Quran?  That has just got to be a violation of Texas cooking laws and several health codes.  You cannot grill a book in Texas.  You just cannot.  I am certain that abusive grilling is not protected by the First Amendment.  If it is, we should fix that.”

“Goodness sake,” she mumbles.  “What a waste of perfectly good mesquite wood.”

Juanita thanks Amarillo for handling this the easiest way – leaving a man standing in a city park with only lighter fluid to cover his dumbness.

Way to go, Amarillo!

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Juanita says the best part of any election is watching the Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club get all afire with the holy spirit.  It’s more powerful than lust, Honey!

“The Belles are real except they call themselves the Spirit of Freedom Republican Women’s Club and they even have a Facebook page, which is kinda amazing because up until a couple of years ago they thought the internet was a tool of the devil,” Juanita reports. “However, they only have 53 friends on Facebook so maybe that whole “not the devil” thing hasn’t made the rounds yet.”

“Their Facebook page is dominated – and Honey, I mean dominated with a capital dom – by a man.  Some dude named Bill does their talking for them because …. well, hell, they’re just wimmen.  It’s not like they can type on their own or anything.”

“And they have a letter for prospective members.  I, personally, like this part best,” Juanita grins.

As you receive our monthly newsletter, The Lifted Lamp, you will find its pages filled with a variety of ways to become involved. First and foremost, pray for America. That act alone, added with prayers of all others, will make the greatest impact. Then, read on to find other opportunities in which you can participate.

“Okay, Hon, you pray while I block walk.  Excellent plan, just excellent,” Juanita says.

“Now, I’m not saying that this is a photo of the Belles’ last meeting.  No, I am not saying that.”

“I’m just saying that it damn well could be,” she smiles.

“I swear to goodness that one week I’m gonna get my band, Bitchin’ Betty and the Sequined Backhoes, to stand in the parking lot and serenade their meeting with Aretha Franklin tunes.  Honey, these women need a dose of glitter and a quart of estrogen.  A little Aretha will do their souls some good.”

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Getting this to happen has been so slow that it’s like sipping buttermilk through  straw.

Calif. (AP) — A federal judge on Thursday declared the U.S. military’s ban on openly gay service members unconstitutional and said she will issue an order to stop the government from enforcing the ”don’t ask, don’t tell‘‘ policy nationwide. U.S. District Judge Virginia Phillips said the ban violates the First and Fifth Amendment rights of gays and lesbians

“This idea has been dragging anchor for a decade,” Juanita says.  “People are people for goodness sake.  I am simply tickled to death to announce the formation of the first Fort Bend LGBT Club in Fort Bend County.  If you’re on Facebook, go friend them.  If you’re local, join us on Sunday afternoon to hear Mayor Annise Parker help kick off this great group right in Tom DeLay’s neighborhood.  Don’t ya just love that!  I lived it see it, dammit!”

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My friend Kary sent me this link to a speech you just gotta hear because it’s angry white Republican men on steroids.

This poor dude just has too many birds on his antenna.

He says he has a Master’s in communications.  Kary thinks it’s from Our Lady of Perpetual Insanity.

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Word has it that John Boehner is already plottin’ his cahootin’ to hire back Kenneth Starr and spend all your money trying to find out if Barack Obama ever did the wild thing.

I ain’t joking.  If the GOP takes back the House —

The plans presently under discussion include defunding some parts of the new health care law and delaying implementation of others, withholding some of the unspent stimulus funds, and using the oversight power of Republican-led committees to investigate the Obama administration.

“The goal, obviously, would be to make it a one-term presidency,” said a GOP lobbyist briefed on the talks.

“Now, here’s some guy with a powerful case of jaundice – no, seriously, nobody in good health is the color of mule tinkle – already figuring out ways to impeach Obama.  I mean, Honey, I can just see Ken Starr checking his bank account and guaranteeing that they’ll be a blue dress even if he has to sew it and wear it himself,” she predicts.

“Now, Baby, if this doesn’t scare you into salvation and a Sunday School seat, nothing will.  It gives me a mouthful of my own heart.”

“If the GOP takes the House, the Teahadist will be running America.  And the second person they’ll ‘investigate’ is you.  You can take that to the bank and cash a check on it.”