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“You know,” began Juanita this afternoon while restocking the curler shelf, “I betcha that Republicans deeply regret the day they decided that Bill Clinton’s kabootalin’ life was everybody’s business.”

“And although John Edwards gave them a run for their money, they are leading the nasty boys race by twelve or sixteen laps.  In the kinky race, they are the clear and proud winners.”

“There’s another one.  In Wisconsin, a 50 year old Republican law-and-order prosecutor was sexting a 26 year old sex abuse victim.  That’s lower than a snake’s navel on a canyon floor.  Honey, he could wear a ten gallon hat and still walk under an armadillo,” she suspects.

A police report shows he repeatedly sent Stephanie Van Groll text messages in October 2009 trying to spark an affair.

“Are you the kind of girl that likes secret contact with an older married elected DA … the riskier the better?” Kratz, 50, wrote in one message. In another, he wrote: “I would not expect you to be the other woman. I would want you to be so hot and treat me so well that you’d be THE woman! R U that good?”

“He sent 30 messages like that.  Goodness sakes, maybe if he was using his hands in a very anti-Christine O’Donnell way instead of texting, he wouldn’t be in this situation.”

“But, he was kind enough to provide us with insight into the Republican male mind.”

Van Groll at first was polite, saying Kratz was “a nice person” and thanking him for praise. By the second day, she responded with answers such as “dono” or “no.” Kratz questioned whether her “low self-esteem” was to blame for the lack of interest.

“I’m serious! I’m the atty. I have the $350,000 house. I have the 6-figure career. You may be the tall, young, hot nymph, but I am the prize!” he texted.

“So, a nice house and money makes a really unfortunate looking man suddenly become a ‘prize?’  Ohmygosh, that explains why they don’t want to pay taxes.  That’s perfectly good hoochy money they’re spending!”

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Thanks to customer Deb, we came upon an interesting string of news stories.

First, on September 17th at 10:46 am, it was announced that Texas Senator and Rodeo Clown, John Cornyn, had made a date to chat with the new Delaware Republican senate nominee —–

Sen. John Cornyn, the chairman of the National Republican Senatorial Committee, will meet with newly-minted GOP Senate nominee Christine O’Donnell in Washington Friday, a GOP source confirms to CNN.

By 2:24 that afternoon, the cahooting was kapooting.

A senior GOP aide tells CNN that Christine O’Donnell postponed her meeting that was planned today with NRSC John Cornyn, citing scheduling conflicts because of her speech at the Values Voters summit in Washington.

Juanita grew a grin on this one.  “I’m not saying that she stood up Big John, but …. well, Honey, she flat stood up Big John.  She had a choice between the fringe wearin’ lunatic or the lunatics on the fringe.  Guess which one she found more attractive?  Yeah, I’d have to go with her on this one.”

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My State Rep and Me. I'm the good lookin' one.

It’s kinda cool to be a rock star.  I got my picture in the big city newspaper and became an overnight success with my friends and family. I was at a birthday party last night for my State Representative and I think I got more high fives than he did.  Which is not all that abnormal because I’m a lot smarter and better looking than he is.

And then there’s the other guys.  The guys who write hate mail.  Now, I don’t mind hate mail.  I’ve always been proud of the fact that I was willing to stand up, use my name, and speak my mind.  Those who send hate mail always send it anonymously.  You know, like the KKK.

It started before noon on the day my picture was published with the quote, “The Democrats meetings look like the United Nations.  Republicans have diversity.  They have the tall white guy, the short white guy, the fat white guy ….”

Boy Howdy Do, that set off the wackos something fierce.  Quicker than I could skedaddle to my computer comes this one – unsigned.

It says, “I’m surprised that someone as fat, dumpy and stupid looking as you would pose for any newspaper.”

Okay.  The email address is wgeins@aol.com, which it doesn’t take Nancy Drew to figure out comes back to one William G. Eubank, a 62 year old insurance broker who lives near 1960 and Jones Road in Houston.  He votes, of course, straight Republican.  I looked up his voting history.  He voted for George Bush – twice.  Bless his heart.

I emailed him back with the info I found and he said that wasn’t him, giving instead the name of a 52 year old black man, without that email address, who votes Democratic.   As Bubba said, “Baby, you gotta expect that.  If they were smart, they wouldn’t be Republicans.”

It’s gonna take a helluva lot more than a 62 year old insurance broker to insult me, Honey.

So, yesterday’s snail mail brought this sucker.

Some person went to all the trouble to find my home address, cut out my picture, write “very foolish” on it with an arrow pointing at me, then printing out a letter so I wouldn’t trace the handwriting, and then putting a stamp on it and toting it to the post office.

That’s nuts.

I’m really not worth all that effort.  I would never, ever be insulted by cowards and you can’t scare me.  But, if it keeps them from kicking their dog and telling at little kids running across their lawn, I can take it.

I think it’s funny.

So, do your best to get in the newspaper and say something sassy to make their day miserable.  It keeps them busy so they don’t have time to throw a stopper in the cogs of progress.

Have a great weekend!

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“Okay, here’s the deal,” Juanita starts this morning.  It’s Friday and the line is out the door for beauty help before the VFW dance tonight.  So Juanita is combing and chattin’ and bleachin’.

“The Republicans are saying that they are opposed to Elizabeth Warren having anything to do with consumer protection because she is ‘anti-business.’  That just kinda stuns me.  Ain’t that like saying you’re against Elliott Ness because he’s anti-crime?”

“It seems to me that big business has already plucked this country cleaner than a Thanksgiving turkey and maybe, just maybe, it’s time to give the people a little protection from the very folks who have wrecked our economy in the first place.  Maybe it’s just me, but consumer protection isn’t a four letter word.  I counted.”

“The Republican Party is a wholly owned subsidiary of big bankers and they are all just about as cuddly as a hornet.  I think they both need a double shot of Elizabeth Warren.  They’ll fall apart like a two dollar wagon under her watchful eyes.”

“Ya know, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do and a woman’s gotta do the rest.”

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Jon Stewart wants to restore sanity to American politics.

I have no idea why he dislikes us Political Entertainment Watchers so much.  Truly, to make American politics sane would mean de-annexing several states and sending the entire House of Representative to Hollywood to make Wes Craven movies.

His Rally to Restore Sanity could mean that politics will become  …. I dunno, well, sane.  And please don’t say that like it would be a good thing. It would mean that I have to find another hobby.  Think about that, would ya?  I mean, it ain’t like I’m gonna learn to crochet or go into to training to be an Olympic diver.  There’s 24 hours in a day; I need something to do with at least 16 of them.

Okay, who’s going and where should we meet?