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Awwwww, the pleasure of rank zealotry.

Nevada Republican Senate candidate Sharron Angle once partook in a campaign against a local high school’s use of black football jerseys, arguing that the dark color was ungodly and wicked, Bill Roberts of Nevada’s Pahrump Valley Times recently reported.

The Devil's Bedroom

“You know that little black dress in your closet?  It’s going to hell,” Juanita grins.

The Supreme Court?  Evil from shoulder to foot.  Unless, of course, you’re Scalia, in which case you’re just totally evil.

And this certainly explains why Sharon Angle is such an idiot – to stay pure and Godly, she can only read the white parts of the newspaper.

And no matter what you do don’t ever show this picture to Sharon Angle because it will most assuredly make her head explode ….

Sharon's Angles Proof of Evil Black Things

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Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio, our nation turns its lonely eyes to you … .

Federal authorities have decided to indict Roger Clemens on charges of making false statements to Congress about his use of performance-enhancing drugs, according to two people briefed on the matter.

An announcement is expected shortly.

… woo, woo, woo.

It’s a sad day at the beauty salon.  We took down Clemens’ autographed picture two years ago.  Now we’re going to burn it.

“When baseball is as full of lairs as congress is, America is just screwed,” Juanita weeps.

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A heads up to Sharon and The Far Left Side —-

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Juanita thinks that maybe – just maybe – the GOP is just using their outrage about a mosque in downtown New York City to mask their extreme embarrassment over the scientific proven fact that they did not keep their promise to (1) find Osama bin Laden, or (2) to rebuild the World Trade Center.

“Remember ole Bush standing there on the pile of rubble and promising to hunt down bin Laden?  Remember how he promised we would rebuild?  Remember when he promised we were going to Mars?  I know that last thing doesn’t have anything to do with the mosque but it was just so nutty that I didn’t want you to forget about it,” Juanita says.

“Republicans were impotent – yeah, I said that word – and didn’t keep either of those promises, so now they are hollering about a mosque two blocks away?  I think they’ve got some apologizing to do before they start claiming New York City as their own.”

“Honey, whales will be blowing sand in West Texas before Republicans have any pride in what they’ve done to honor 9/11 victims,” she predicts.  “This whole mosque thing is just another opportunity to work themselves into a righteous indignation over diddle squat.”

“I’ve come to believe that conniption fits pass for foreplay in most Republican homes,” she offers.  “And the most inconsequential the cause, the bigger the fit.”

She might be right.

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“I cannot believe y’all are being so mean to Dr. Laura,” started Thelma this morning when she entered the salon wearing her gold skin tight pedal pushers and flowing leopard shirt.  Thelma usually wear a size 22, but she says that a size 20 looked so good on her that she bought a size 16.  Parts of Thelma get there a couple seconds after her clothes do.

“Dr. Laura is a wonderful woman who has helped many people see the evils of liberalism and godless islamo- democracy,” said Thelma to the literary amazement of Juanita.

“And now she has to quit her radio show to be free, free, I tell you, to say what is in her heart.  Because, you, yes, you Juanita, hate Dr. Laura’s heart.  Last night on Larry King, Dr. Laura was talking to you, Juanita, when she said that she’s quitting her radio show because  ….”

“The reason is I want to regain my First Amendment rights,” she told King, according to E! Online. “I want to be able to say what’s on my mind and in my heart and what I think is helpful and useful without somebody getting angry, some special interest group deciding this is the time to silence a voice of dissent and attack affiliates, attack sponsors. I’m sort of done with that.”

“All she wants is to be able to say the N word without you getting all up in her face, Juanita!”  Thelma was working herself into a lather and the scent of Evening in Pasadena was growing stronger the hotter Thelma got.   It was not pleasant.

“Dr. Laura needs to say the N word without all you Marxist Islamic Socialist Nazis getting upset,” Thelma says in a voice that sounds like a teaspoon in the garbage disposal.

“Thelma!  Grab ahold of them reins and holler whoa!” Juanita said.  “All I’m saying is that if Dr. Laura walks into this beauty salon, and God knows the woman needs to, and says the N word, Verdelia is gonna be all upside her head with the Baptist hymnal she carries in her purse.”

“Yep – I’ll whack some Jesus into her heart,” Verdelia proudly said.

And I would bet money on that.

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Juanita is out of pocket attending the Annual Del Rio Cuticle Conference so we’re just gonna open up the comment section and let you say whatever you feel the need to get off your chest. Read any news lately?  Have a thought?

So, have at it.

Here’s a little inspiration, but certainly not directions.

Juanita’s:  Come for the style.  Stay for the shirt.