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Jeromy Murphy, the Official Cartoonist of The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc, has a new one for us.

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Juanita has often told Thelma that some of her uber-conservative statements will come back to bite her in the butt.  But, she didn’t mean literally.

Charles Hurth III, was one of the GOP Political Operatives who bankrolled the GOP’s effort to get the Green Party candidate on the ballot in the Texas’ Governor’s race.  They know that Rick Perry can’t win fair and square so they brought in Republican money to pay for a petition drive for the Greens.

Charles Hurth III takes this biting on the butt thing very seriously.

But Hurth’s first claim to fame was being sued in 1987 for approaching a fellow law student in a bar and biting her on the buttocks so hard that she required medical attention. During the trial, Hurth admitted that he’d used the same toothy overture to approach two other women at fraternity parties—and he said that his latest victim should have taken the gesture as a compliment. The jurors didn’t buy it, and Hurth was successfully sued for $27,500.

“Seriously,” Juanita hoots, “the jerk bit a woman on the butt hard enough to break skin and require medical attention.  He thought it was sexy.”

“On the sexy scale, that ranks right below hitting me over the head with a club and dragging me back to your cave by my hair,” Juanita says.

“And, he’s working for Rick Perry now.  He’s a Republican Political Operative.  So, I would personally like to thank the Republican Party for their continuing amusing collection of weird men.  I would also like to thank them for keeping the ball of sin rolling.”

“Maybe the next time one of Rick Perry’s operatives wants to catch a woman he could use a coyote trap.”

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I suspect you all know that Juanita is a motorcycle rider, and in her early days did some stunt riding.  Her first husband, Bubba Hank, may he rest in peace, was not fond of motorcycles.  He did, however, ride a bicycle. “Some men need a motor between their legs,” Bubba Hank used to say, “others supply their own.”  Juanita immediately married him.

It has recently come to Juanita’s attention that there’s another reason that Bubba Hank may have been right.

It appears that Republic Harley Davidson of Stafford, Texas, right down the road from Juanita’s Beauty Salon, has become the one-stop crazy shop.  They have invited Laura Ingraham to babble over bikes.

“The poor dear is doing a book signing at a Harley Davidson dealership.  I hope she ain’t planning on wearing that leather jacket because we’ll have to scrape her puddled skinny butt off the sidewalk if she intends to dress like a biker chick in Houston,” Juanita warns.

“It appears that rightwing ditz Ingram has written a book called ‘The Obama Diaries’ because she couldn’t spell ‘memoir.’  I don’t mean to be tacky, but with the way she talks through her nose, I’d wear rubber gloves to pick up anything she’s touched because the booger blast could be bad.”

“I see where they will have wine and cheese, which is a good way to go because all you gotta do is toss some Cheese Wiz out there because Laura brings the whine.”

So, if anybody out there supports truth or justice or the American way, do not buy your motorcycles at Republican Republic Harley Davidson in Stafford, Texas.

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“Okay,” Juanita begins this afternoon after getting back from lunch with Miss Bessy, her mentor and favorite teacher at The Elite Beauty School of Del Rio, Texas, “Miss Bessy has got me to wondering something.”

“You know those bumbling Russian spies we caught who apparently lived large and were dumber than bean dip?”

“Well, Honey, we traded them to the Russians for some of our spies who got caught.  I hope we also got a first round draft choice, a player to be named later, and Lebron James.”

“But, Miss Bessy and I are wondering.  Were our spies as dumb as theirs?  Apparently so, because they got caught, too.”

“So, why do we want them back?  I hope we aren’t counting on them to stop the oil spill or figure out how to get the economy working.  In fact, Miss Bessy and I think they should be sent to Arizona, where the other stupid people live.”

“Miss Bessy, who is a very wise woman, believes we should send all the stupid people to Arizona so they’ll leave the rest of us alone.”

“At the very least, they should have to wear a tee-shirt that says ‘Dumber Than Russians’ every time they go in public so we’ll know.”

Missy Bessy should get elected to Congress.

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For you locals who were paying attention back when Needville ISD fought allowing an American Indian child over his hairdo, we have some good news and some bad news.

The good news is that the young elementary age student can wear his hair long.  The other good news is that the good people in Needville, Texas, got a fancy lesson in the United States Constitution.  The bad news is that there is no longer enough money to educate children in Needville because they spent it all on lawyers fighting Indians.

Bob tells a good story.

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Glenn Beck University is hiring teachers.  Of course, if at least one did not come from Texas, that would be the seventh sign of the Apocalypse.

Beck hired David Barton, a religious snake oil salesman who has actually made a living with his proud Oral Roberts University degree by selling his services as an adviser on far right wing nuttiness to political consultants.  David tells them how to talk to snake handlers, foot washers, and speaking in tonguers and slick them out of their vote.

“I know David, but only in passing,” Juanita admits. “When I passed him, he seemed far too creepy to mess with.  I’m perfectly serious.  He’s also pretty well known for making up quotes from our founding fathers, which is creepy with a star on top.”

In an article titled “Unconfirmed Quotations,” Barton conceded that he has not located primary sources for eleven of the alleged quotes from James Madison, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, and U.S. Supreme Court decisions, but maintained that the quotes were “completely consistent” with the views of the Founders.

“Soooo…..,” Juanita continues, “let me get this right.  He’s channeling our founding fathers?  Yep, creepy.”

David also hangs with a fast crowd as seen here at a proud Republican website.

David on the right, all decked out, waiting for Jesus and embarrassing Texas

David is teaching Faith 1, 2, and 3 at Beck University.  I guess he didn’t know enough to teach level 4.