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As most of you know, we have a Lyndon LaRouche “Democrat” nutty lady running for Congress here. Her name is Kesha Rogers.

“The LaRouchers hate baby boomers, the Queen of England, Barack Obama, and weather,” Juanita reports.

“Kesha entered the race and crazy immediately went wholesale,” Juanita shakes her curls and grins.  “Keisha Rogers fancies herself a smarty pants.  Apparently, she has never looked around herself at the goofy people holding up her signs.  They make the Teabaggers look informed.”

More than once, Juanita has said that Kesha’s followers wear tin foil hats.

Customer Chloe reports that maybe those tin foil hats are doing more harm than good.

MIT studied it and reports that —

“…on average all helmets attenuate invasive radio frequencies in either directions (either emanating from an outside source, or emanating from the cranium of the subject), certain frequencies are in fact greatly amplified. These amplified frequencies coincide with radio bands reserved for government use according to the Federal Communication Commission (FCC). Statistical evidence suggests the use of helmets may in fact enhance the government’s invasive abilities. We speculate that the government may in fact have started the helmet craze for this reason. “

“On the upside, maybe we could get them to tune into BP’s communications and see what batcrap crazy scheme is next,” Juanita hopes.  “Apparently, they’ve already heard something that the rest of us haven’t.  According to Kesha’s website —-”

May 25, 2010 — There is only one reason to explain the sheer and utter negligence and insanity of President Obama on the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. As economist Lyndon LaRouche stated today, “The President is a traitor and a British agent.” This should be absolutely clear to everyone. The ‘B’ in B.P. stands for British and that is who the President is acting to protect and defend. This is shown very strongly with the President’s appointment of former World Wild Life Fund Director, William Reilly, to head up investigations on the criminal negligence of British Petroleum.

“Barack Obama is a British agent?  That’s very cool,” Juanita grins.  “Is he 008?”

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Best xkcd Ever!

Click the little one to get the big one or just go here.

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Juanita wants to introduce you to a guy named E. V. Blissard.  E. V. is a cranky old man who lives near Huntsville and hasn’t smiled or had a pleasant thought in the 35 years that Juanita has known him.  I’m not changing his name here because he’s not innocent so there’s no need to protect him.  He’s not made-up.  He’s real.

He’s a Teabagger.  And that’s only because he’s a greedy, mean, hateful racist.  And those are his good points.

He sends Juanita emails every day.  Most of them are just flat racist.  You know, like the one of Obama in a witch doctor mask and Michele in hooker clothes.  Juanita has made it a point to ignore them.

“I just delete them before I open them because E.V. is so narrow minded that he can see through a keyhole with both eyes at once,” she reports.  “Additionally, I can’t post the gosh-awful racist things he says because i don’t want to give him free advertising.”

But, apparently, Juanita’s attitude is changing.

“E.V.’s emails always start with ‘You can check this out on Snopes,’ and when you do, you find that it’s wrong.  However, since they won’t let him sit on the front porch and throw rocks at little kids and puppies anymore, E.V. spends all day on the internet machine throwing rocks at Barack Obama,” Juanita laughs.

“You can’t argue with him because he’s always right no matter what.  That happens when you haven’t had any hoochy koochy in 50 years, which from the looks of things is the problem with most Teabaggers.  Everybody has just been too nice to say it until now.  But, dammit, I’m saying it.  Those people need some sparkin’. I mean it.”

Let’s get back to E.V.’s latest email before Juanita embarrasses Momma.

Here it is.

CHECK THIS OUT…FROM OUR COMMANDER-IN-GRIEF

Let’s take the bugger down through the Internet… Seems the majority of the press are worshiping at his feet….Someone could put this
on facebook…

If each person sends this to a minimum of twenty people on their address list, in three days, all people in The United States of America would have the message… I believe this is one proposal that really should be passed around.

THIS WILL CURDLE YOUR BLOOD AND CURL YOUR HAIR

The name of the book Obama is reading is called:

The Post-American World and it was written by a fellow Muslim.

“Post America” means the world After America!

Please forward this picture to everyone you know conservative or liberal. We must expose Obama’s radical ideas and his intent to bring down our beloved America!

“E. V. only knows 12 people because that’s all he sent it to.  Sadly, I am one of them,” Juanita says.

“Okay, first off, you can check it on Snopes.  It is not an Anti-American book and those who watch the Daily Show, long after E.V. has gone to bed at 7:30 p.m., know Fareed Zakaria well and aren’t the least bit scared of him.

“But, I don’t think that’s their complaint,” Juanita says.  “They are upset because we have a President who can read something other than My Pet Goat.”

“I’m perfectly serious.  I think they should just send out the email saying, ‘He’s carrying a damn book, people.  Let’s impeach his butt!’“

Okay, so now you’ve met E.V.  I have a feeling this won’t be the last of him.

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The opening day of Hurricane Season is today.  Juanita has been selected to throw out the ceremonial first flashlight.

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“I wanna tell ya something,” Juanita started this morning after the long weekend of too many deviled eggs and baked beans.

“I was at one of those events  where Republicans think they own the American flag and patriotism.  One old coot there told me that he was just dead solid certain positive that Barack Obama was going to use this BP ‘accident’ to nationalize the oil companies.”

“And he said it like that might be a bad thing,” she laughed.

Thelma, who only has 17 months left on her provisional membership at the Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club, chirped up, “Oh Honey!  I got an email about that.  Dick Cheney is powerful worried about it and if I send him $500, he’ll stop the rampant threat of socialism and nakkid pictures on the internet.  Or, something else like that, I forget exactly what else besides socialism he’s going to stop now.  I mailed my check.  You cannot trust the government, Juanita.  Just look at the post office.”

“Thelma, when was the last time the post office killed 11 people and destroyed the Gulf of Mexico?” Juanita asked her.

“Well, just give them time.  It’s on their agenda.  You got yourself that Gay Agenda, the Feminist Agenda, the Leftwing Agenda, and the Post Office Agenda,” Thelma answered wisely.  “I read it in my newsletter, The Screeching Fearmonger.”

“So, Thelma, Dick Cheney got $500 out of you by scaring the fool out of you about something that’s not gonna happen.  Thelma, you’re not a fool, Hon, you’re a damn fool.”

“Say what you will, Juanita, but I am a fool with no nationalized oil wells, an honest to gosh .01% interest in Tom DeLay’s next book tour, and locust plague insurance.”  Thelma paused, turned smartly on her 4 inch platform heels and shook her curls, “So we’ll see who’s Ms. Smarty Pants when the locust come.”