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On a fence in LaGrange, Texas.

And, yes, I took the picture, just for you.

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Carl sent it.  You’re gonna love it. (It’s work safe if you’re still at work.)

Juanita wishes you a great weekend and even gives you the punch of fun you need.

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Yesterday, in an attempt to disgrace the entire Great State of Texas, as if Rick Perry wasn’t handling that job well enough, the Brazoria County Commissioners Court passed a resolution naming April “Confederate History and Heritage Month” and encouraged “all Texas schools and citizens to join in the effort to become more knowledgeable in the role of the Confederate States of America in the history of our country.”

Juanita believes you need to know two things about this.

#1 thing:  Our beloved and wonderful Governor, Sam Houston, resigned as Governor rather than go along with secession.  Wise Texans have built monuments and cities to Sam for his wisdom and courage.

#2 thing:  A direct quote from the 1861 document entitled, “A Declaration of the Causes which Impel the State of Texas to Secede from the Federal Union”

That in this free government all white men are and of right ought to be entitled to equal civil and political rights; that the servitude of the African race, as existing in these States, is mutually beneficial to both bond and free, and is abundantly authorized and justified by the experience of mankind, and the revealed will of the Almighty Creator, as recognized by all Christian nations; while the destruction of the existing relations between the two races, as advocated by our sectional enemies, would bring inevitable calamities upon both and desolation upon the fifteen slave-holding states.

That’s shameful.

That’s all you need to know.

Brazoria County abuts my county.  I will never spend another dime in Brazoria County and invite my Democratic friends in Brazoria County to some spend their dimes in Fort Bend County.

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Okay, so admittedly, it’s not as cool as Bob getting his life threatened.  It’s not even close.  But, it’s still pretty darned cool.

Somebody threatened to sue me yesterday.

Let me start at the starting place:  I detest paid political consultants.  I think they are everything that’s wrong with politics.  They charge the same fair price as picture show popcorn to come into an area they know diddle squat about and run up bills that the candidate has to spend 24/7 beggin’ money to pay.   Political consultants have made whores of all our politicians.

It’s not enough now for a politician to join the Rotary and show up at church and high school football games.  No, now a politician rarely sees the light of day because he/she is wrangling money to pay the consultants so the consultant can take a cut and then pay their tv, radio, and print buddies.

You know how you get emails from a candidate’s campaign manager?  I’m about half an inch away from swearing an oath that I will never again vote for a candidate who can’t send his/her own damn emails.  They tell me that those emails are supposed to make you feel like a political “insider.”  They don’t have that effect on me.  They make me feel like I’m supporting some damn dude who can’t sign his own name to what he might believe.

But, let me get to the important part of this:  a consultant is threatening to sue me.

That is so cool.

Apparently, someone told Scott E. Berrett that I had written some unsweet things about his political ad making abilities.  By noon yesterday, he had left three messages on my husband’s cell phone, at least one of which was threatening to sue me and another of which threatened to get a website of his own and write bad things about my husband.

He cannot do that.  Writing bad things about my husband is MY job.

In one message to my husband, Scott E Berrett did ask for me to call him for a ‘face-to-face.”  Uh, let me think about that.  No.

I cannot explain why he called my husband.  Scott E Berrett has my home phone number.  He has called it before.  After seeing some of his other work, where he spread a myriad of manure around the political scene, I was not too cozy with him.  And, if you will glance up at the top of this professional political organization, there’s a little button that says, Tell Juanita.  We pondered having it say Tell Susan’s Husband but that just didn’t have the literary snap that Tell Juanita did.

Pestering my husband three times before noon is also MY job, Mr. Scott E Berrett, so if you’re looking for a fight, you just bought one.

So, sue me.  Go ahead.  That would be a dream come true for me.  I get to take on a political consultant, oh be still my heart.  If you could find a developer to jump in your lawsuit with you, I’d give you extra points.  Double points if he’s a Teabagger.  Although I have to admit, an Elvis Pressley driver’s license and a prissy attitude with the local police might be all you need to make my day.

As far as your idea to set up a blog to say bad things about my husband — well, the little sweetheart that I am has already done that for you.  Click right here and get to work, son.  Your own website.  Enjoy!

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Juanita is worried.

There appears to be a rash of truly goofy wimmen-folks taking to the political arena.

“Well, I guess the first women we elected had to be twice as bright as men and three times more willing to work hard.  Now that we’re breaking the glass ceiling, Bubettes are able to get elected,” she reckons.  “This is not a good thing.”

“And we’re fixin’ to elect one in Nevada.  This one has some creative ideas about how to fix health care in America:  give your doctor a chicken.  No, I am not kidding.  I wish I were.  That is an idea so male, so Bubbafull, that I think Sue Lowden estrogen level is being maintained by a health care professional who takes chickens as payment.”

Ms Lowden wants to repeal the Affordable Care Act, and last week, she suggested alternative ways for people to pay for medical care: save up to $20,000 in a medical savings account, or “barter with your doctor”. At first, people assumed she meant “haggle”. But TalkingPointsMemo’s Rachel Slajda says that in Ms Lowden’s appearance on a local news programme the day before yesterday, it appeared she really meant “barter”, as in offering goods or services in kind. Chickens, to be specific.

“This opens up a whole new field of the chicken-based economy.  Will Ms. Lowden allow us to pay her congressional salary with slightly used John McCain yardsigns?  Can we barter poster board and paint pens to Goldman Sachs to leave us the hell alone?  I have a nice supply of feather boas.  Can I trade them in for the police coming when I call them with an emergency?”

“And, if Ms. Lowden, Honey, if you need your hair done and, trust me on this, you do, I want payment in cash American money.  Don’t be coming in here with no damn chicken.  And I know you must have plenty of chickens because you sure have the chicken poop to prove it.”