Archive for March, 2010

Like Threading a Needle in the Dark

March 10, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Sumbitches

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“It’s like trying to eat pinto beans with a pitch fork,” Juanita commented to no one in particular this morning while reading the newspaper.

“Trying to get Karl Rove to admit that he or George Bush ever made a mistake is like trying to dodge rice at wedding,” she amplifies on the subject.

“Lookie here —-

As he launches his book-promotion tour, Karl Rove has sought to deflect and deny responsibility for a host of problems that bedeviled the Bush years. A lot of it is complicated — weapons of mass destruction, the CIA leak scandal — and Rove is adept at navigating thickets of information to invoke plausible deniability. But sometimes, a single question can reveal a lot. Such was the case today on NBC’s Today show where Matt Lauer quizzed Rove on why the White House was so slow to respond to Katrina.

MR. LAUER: You also write in the book, “We did not have the ability to get real-time information, so did not realize the initial reports we were getting were wrong.”
This is the president of the United States.

MR. ROVE: Sure.

MR. LAUER: Did anyone at the White House turn on the TV?

“I suspect that Rove thinks people will forget about teevee after Armageddon when he is sitting at the right hand of God, tossing all you heathens in the pits of hell while laughing uproariously.”

By you, we think Juanita means YOU.  That’s just a guess, though.

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Cynthia Lenton Scary

March 09, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

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Juanita has decided that women have now achieved parity with men in the political arena when they feel as comfortable being total jerks as men do.

Sometimes the best way to tell a story is just to tell it.

We had a Democratic County Chair race here last week that became a contest between the vast majority of Democratic activists versus a small cliquish group of middle aged women  who want titles without the bother of responsibility.  Most of those jobs are already taken by member of Congress, but this group was trying their best to get the Gulf Coast franchise.

Fortunately, they lost the election.  I, as a middle aged women who is not afraid of sweating, was delighted.

And, there was a cherry on top of the victory.

My husband, The Bubba, sent out a letter last January supporting the new County Chair, Steve Brown.  Bubba sent it to everyone who had been a delegate to the State Democratic Convention.  That, apparently, included the newly announced Missouri City Mayoral candidate, Cynthia Lenton Gary.

The letter he sent Ms. Gary arrived back at his office, albeit worse for wear, on Friday.

It appears that Ms. Gary made some notes on her copy of Bubba’s letter and put it in her mailbox for someone named Tiffany to pick up.  The postal worker beat Tiffany to the mailbox and Ms. Gary’s letter was returned to sender.

Now, there’s going to be pictures with this story so click on the little one to see them in full life size.

This is the envelope as it arrived back to Bubba.

Bubba thought that was a tad strange.  But, since it clearly said, “Please help me, please,” Bubba thought maybe there was a tiny person trapped in the envelop and he should open it because a tiny person would be very handy to have during political season.

What Bubba found inside truly was a tiny person.  A very tiny person, playing the race card.

On top of his letter, she had written this —

It says, “Precinct 2 – The Black ant – don’t read, don’t know nothing.”  Cynthia Lenton  Gary is African American.  Bubba is not.

In Fort Bend County, Precinct 2 has the largest African American  population of any precinct in the county.  Bubba was endorsing an African American man for the county chair position over an African American woman, in a countywide race that includes all four precincts of the county.  Apparently, at least according to Ms. Gary, white men can’t do that.  Of note is that all three of the African American elected officials in Precinct 2 also endorsed the same man that Bubba did.

Also in the envelope was a wallet sized photo of the incumbent Democratic chair with a note to Tiffany —

I took out the phone number.  It seemed like the decent thing to do.

There are some lessons to be learned here:

1.  Do not put things in your mailbox for your friends to pick up.  It’s illegal.  Plus, it’s not a good hiding place.  Obviously.

2.  If you’re going to run for Mayor, don’t let it be known that you’re anxious to play the race card.  You’ll just look like you weren’t dealt a full deck yourself.

3.  If you’re going to make a fool of yourself, try real hard not to do in front of someone who has a semi-popular blog and a hot xerox machine.

Up until the last Presidential election Ms. Gary was a Republican, which I suspect is where she learned this attitude.

If by chance Ms Gary is reading this, I have only one thing to say to her:  Honey, you can say a lotta bad things about Bubba and Lord knows I’ve said most of them, but you cannot say he’s a racist.  And, just to set the record straight – unlike you, Bubba never, ever voted for George Bush.  I love him for that.

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Facebook Wars! Facebook Wars!

March 09, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Goat Rodeos

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The Houston Republican Party is fighting.  But, they’ve taken it out of the streets and on to Facebook, where it belongs.

A local Republican Party debate over whether to abide a range of views on abortion and homosexuality has flared up as voters prepare to elect a county chairman in a runoff election next month.

County Judge Ed Emmett sparred with conservative activist Terry Lowry on Facebook over whether people Lowry described as “pro-choice/pro-homosexual” should be allowed to serve as precinct chairs, the party’s grass-roots organizers.

“The spirit of the devil wants to divide the Harris County Republican Party,” Lowry wrote on his page, and charged that GOP liberals seek to remove the party’s anti-abortion platform plank.

“Holy Mackerel, it’s that Spirit of the Devil thing!  The devil got the keys to the front doors of the GOP,” Thelma warns.  Thelma is a provisional member of the Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club.

“I”m going over to Facebook to pray right now,” Thelma announces and parks her unpetite butt at the computer.

“Thelma,” Juanita shouted across the room.  “Last week you told me that Facebook was the devil.”

“We had a cleansing,” Thelma admitted.  “So now it’s safe for Republicans to fight there.  Thank you, Jeeeesuh.”

“I love Facebook,” Thelma announces, “but, like a good Republican, it’s people I hate.”

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Creepy

March 09, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Sumbitches

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Juanita is pretty sure it’s the Seventh Sign.  “If three uncowboys come riding up on white horses, get the hell outta Dodge,” she warns.

Juanita agrees with Ken Starr.

Liz Cheney has been under fire from both left and right after she tried to paint Department of Justice attorneys as terrorist sympathizers for working on the defense of Guantanamo detainees. One of the sternest rebukes comes from a law school dean, former judge, and well-known former special prosecutor.

“Good Lord,” Juanita comments to all within listening distance, “she’s her Dad with extra boobs, and she’s damned and determined to marginalize anyone who loves the Old Constitution.  You know, the one before her Dad shredded it and wrote a new one.”

“In honor of her being a real witch, nobody gets big blonde hair today,” Juanita announces.

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Canadian Health Care

March 08, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

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Juanita thinks people are being too hard on Sarah Palin for admitting that she went to evil, socialistic Canada for health care.

Palin seemed to deviate from her fear of socialized Canadian medicine when she revealed that her family may have benefited from the Canadian system:

PALIN: We used to hustle over the border for health care we received in Canada. And I think now, isn’t that ironic?

“Now y’all quit saying that’s hypocritical,” Juanita lectures.  “Sarah had to go to Canada because you can’t get the anti-idiot vaccine here.”

And Would That Include Tom DeLay?

March 08, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

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“You know,” Delay said, “there is an argument to be made that these extensions, the unemployment benefits keeps people from going and finding jobs. In fact there are some studies that have been done that show people stay on unemployment compensation and they don’t look for a job until two or three weeks before they know the benefits are going to run out.

Host Candy Crowley: Congressman, that’s a hard sell, isn’t it?

Delay: it’s the truth.

Crowley: People are unemployed because they want to be?

Delay: well, it is the truth. and people in the real world know it. And they have friends and they know it. Sure, we ought to be helping people that are unemployed find a job, but we also have budget considerations that are incredibly important, especially now that Obama is spending monies that we don’t have.

Best I know, Tom DeLay hasn’t  had a job in 5 years.  He hasn’t had honest work since Elvis died.